i want to talk dirty but i have no idea how to. help!

Hey Heather,
I need some advice on how to talk dirty with my boyfriend. He does it to me and it really turns me on and he would like me to do it back but I don’t know what to say. Thanks!

Dirty talk can be fun and sexy, and is one of the easiest ways to explore kinks — each others unspoken (and safe!) desires. I think it’s great that you and your boyfriend have found something that turns you on, and that you’re comfortable enough to start doing the talking yourself. There’s no magic formula of what to say in bed, but there are a few different types of phrases you can try.

The easiest way to get inspiration for what to say is just by narrating what’s going on. Tell him what you like about him, his body, and his actions. Ask him what he wants from you and get vocal about what you want from him. Talk about how you picture it all going down. It’s not too different from what might occur in a phone sex conversation.

|This gURL’s ready for the act of sex, but she’s afraid of everything that comes with it. What should she do?|

When using dirty talk in bed, don’t be afraid to try out different slang words for body parts. There is no “right” or “wrong” in sex, just what you enjoy, what makes you feel comfortable, and what turns you on. Some gURLs may like using technical terms like vagina and penis. Others may prefer saying slang words like pussy or dick. Then there are couples who get turned on using more “vulgar” words like cock and cunt.

You’ll only ever figure out your own comfort zone by testing it out. The beauty of having a partner you trust and feel relaxed with is that if either of you say something that accidentally offends or just plain turns off the other person, a simple “Eh, I don’t like that, don’t use that word,” is all it’ll take. There may be a moment of awkwardness… it pretty much comes with the territory. But there’s nothing against laughing during intimacy, either.

|Henry helps a gURL with a baby who’s looking for a sweetie.|

Just have fun. You’re probably going to feel silly, but that’s all part of the experience. And remember to leave the name-calling for when the two of you are exclusively together in private during sexy time. Dirty talk is about exploring sexuality and has nothing to do with disrespect. If you find that you like doing the listening but really don’t enjoying the talking, that’s okay, too.

What about you, gURLs? Have any advice for talking dirty in bed? Any personal favorite phrases? Share below!

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

more ways to get gURLy:

Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex
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  • tinyurl.com/pj6ntdy

    Dirty talk is more than just words. Why stop there when you can combine your body language to enhance the things you say to him. Let’s use the “breast example” again.

    Wear a sexy bra to bed –sheer, lace, anything that’s partially see through would work great here– and slowly rub your breast in front of him –while still in the bra– and ask him “can you give me a hand with this?” Believe me, he would love to.
    Take his hand and place them on your breast and start rubbing his hands around your breast slowly. Ask him. “Do you like the way my breasts feel?”
    Ask him to take off your bra and when he does, grab his head and force his mouth onto your nipples. Ask him, “Do you like the way my nipples taste daddy?”

  • janie

    Brittany, i kno how u feel,im the same age and in the same grade.i feel grossed out hearing kids older and kids my age,talking about sex and sexual thing that are very gross and if u ask me,(i am traumatized).but dont listen to any thing kids say about sex,half of them are fast ass girls trying to have sex to “boost their self esteem”.

  • Sierra

    Some of my boyfriends friends told me that he wants to 'f### me'. (Excuse my cussing, i am merely just repeating what they had told me) I was so shocked! I am in 7th grade and my boyfriend is in 8th, but really- im not ready for sex at all. However, it makes me wonder how my boyfriends talks about me with his friends..

    Anywho, back on topic! I've no idea on how to dirty talk either, so don't feel alone!

  • Brittany


    I am in 7th grade and that is what everyone talks about, too. I don't feel uncomfortable talking about it, even with my boyfriend because I know no one is going to pressure me into it. I am a virgin and I am thirteen, and there is nothing wrong with that. Juliet was right.

  • erica

    ok i need help i have 3 older brothers all 16 and are sexualy active there respnsible but there gf are sluts and they don't know it my sis monett ,and my bff syydney say there tired of being virgins because in middle school its all they talk about and when ur family is always doing it u want 2 too ( not like a everyones doing it thing ) but me i feel being a virgin in 6th grad is an honor because at 12 we should be thinking about what level were on right?

    like level 1 boyfriend

    level 2 kissing

    level 3 boobs being touched

    level 4 SEX

    level 5 ? pregnacy, aids , WHAT im i feel sad because everyones ready and im waiting i mean dont get me wrong i love my bf even in 6th grade but i dont want that ………….YET i should say !

    • Juliet

      Erica- It's okay to wait. 6th grade is very young to be sexually active. I'm nearly eighteen and still a virgin. My boyfriend respects that I am not ready yet, and your boyfriend and friends should too. It's great that you love your boyfriend, but sex will not make your boyfriend love you more. There are lots of things you can do safely until you are ready. And when you are ready for sex, make sure you have done your research about protection. It's VERY important to be educated before taking such a big step.

    • Kelsey

      Whoah. Whoah. You're in sixth grade and already thinking about that stuff? Slow down.

      Twelve years old is much too young for that. Your first kiss is fine. You should not, however, even be thinking about going anywhere near sex until you are at least in your later years in high school. You shouldn't even be thinking about those "levels" at your age. At this time in your life, you should be concentrating on your girl friends, not how far you're going with a boy. You are perfectly normal to feel intruded by all the talk of sex… It's absolutely ridiculous that these girls are having sex when they are that young. Maybe you should get different friends who won't pressure you into feeling like you need to do these things.

    • natalie

      you need to wait a few years to have sex really its not nothing special that young.

      • Kristin

        i've waited until i was 18 and with a guy that i fully trusted. Because guy take advantages alot so dont let them. All i'm saying to be 13 is wayy to young to think about having sex, even you think you love him, wait until ur emotional ready.

    • Marissa

      whoa whoa whoa! in 6th grade i was rasing pokemon not worrying if i was going to get laid that night! being a virgin is MORE THAN OK at 12 years old. im 18 and guys still arent allowed down there! call me old fashioned but i believe sex should only happen if you really really love someone. and my sister(8 at the moment) better still be a virgin at 12 or else we will have some problems!!