Reader Hookup Confession: I Miss My FWB!

It could be worse!

Getting over a relationship is hard — but should a mourning period apply to the death of a “friends with benefits” situation? For this gURL, she’s still struggling:

For about three months I was hooking up with this guy named Max. Strictly no strings. We both thought it would be best to keep it a secret. My friends asked me why I was being so sketchy lately, and I finally gave it up to one of them.

|Ashton Kutcher really wants women to enjoy sex. See what he confessed to gURL!|

The next thing I knew, I was getting a text from Max, saying that I was a terrible person for telling “everyone”. I really only told one person. He was so awful to me. And even though three months earlier I swore it was a no strings situation, I found myself to be really upset. Now here I am, its four months later and I’m still a complete mess. I miss him so much. What do I do? I’m so confused.

So how do you cut the strings when there weren’t supposed to be any in the first place? Help this gURL out! Share your advice below!

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Posted in: Advice Gurl, Confessions, Friends With Benefits, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Hookup Confessions, Love&Sex, Relationships, Your Life
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19 Comments

  1. avatar tabbi says:

    Same here. This is my first fwb situation. I’m head over heels in love with this guy, and I may be pregnant. He found out that I may be and he flipped out on ME!!! Broke my heart into a million pieces. Now he’s not even talking to me. I told him I was in love with him and he yelled at me! He’s broken my heart and idk what to do :(

  2. avatar Jessica says:

    I’ve been hooking up with this guy for a year now….
    The first 5 months was great! He’s always messaging me and asking me to hang. But as the months passed us by, he got colder…. It would take him 2-3 weeks to message me or sometimes, a month…
    I was aware that he’s been hooking up with other girls too, but I was too blinded by my feeling for him to stop.
    He’s got everything that a woman would want… He’s handsome, smart, educated, rich, athletic, plays an instrument, a business man, sweet, funny, great guy….
    Now, I’m just really having a really hard time getting over him…. :(

    • avatar Jenn says:

      Same thing is happening to me, its so hard. Mine is in college and comes home for breaks. Im in love with him and cannot tell him. Sammme sitch though. Its hard

  3. avatar Munchie says:

    Been in that situation before. I had a FWB but weird thing is..He’s my ex! And he got a new girfriend. He broke up with me for her. But i still keep falling in love with him.! His girlfriend can tell that me & him got something going on. So i try not to be around him anymore. But he texting me doesn’t help. Best thing for me to do was to move on. So i got a boyfriend now. Going on 9 months ! :D but now my FWB is jealous. And is mad at me, but i don’t let that get to me because i have a boyfriend now. So now im friends with his gf. But me and him don’t reallytalk as much. It just took me moving on to realize..My ex wasn’t the one

  4. avatar Daisy says:

    FwB it begins Amazing but also comes so many consequences good or Bad. They introduce me with this guy. When we meet I totally didn’t pay much attention to him
    He started calling, texting and even facebook. Well I decided to try it out it was great we will text and see each other often. But one day we both decided to have it as FWB since we both just got out of long term Relationship. It was wonderful we will do as any FWB do … Until one day he pop out he has a girlfriend Want to do the right thing so things changed less communication. I stop texting or calling him give him his time and space. Month pass he been and my mind so much but I bite my tongue not to call until he text me asking can I see you I respond yeS. Hey I missed him what did you expect we talk he said he miss me alot. Now he we are seeing each other again. But he still has his girldfriend . It’s a dilemma and got irritate so I stop it all. But oh gosh I miss him he text me but I don’t reply … They said my friend is Time I hope time fly fast… He is in my mind my FWB .

    • avatar Maria says:

      Omg I am going thru the exact same thing for almost a year now…my problem is I am in love with him.

  5. avatar Heidi says:

    I’ve been seeing a guy 17 years younger than myself for one and a half years now as a fwb. It started out pretty basic, then got more complicated as I fell in love with him. He broke it off. Then he said we could get together again but only if I’m not in love. So I (wanting to be with him whatever…idiot) agreed, and it’s still going even though we’ve had a couple of break-ups inbetween. He stays over at mine, I stay at his, he’s met my kids, I met his whole family and quite a few friends. We don’t officially go out, but we go on weekends away together or with his friends and to parties. Sometimes dinner or meet up somewhere in between. He’s loving, cuddling me all the time, loves watching movies with me, cooks for me, buys me stuff, has planned another weekend away in june but then tells me I’m not allowed to fall in love with him!! It drives me crazy!! I really think he’s in denial, because when we do break up he comes back and wants to get together again, he doesn’t really want me to sleep with anyone else even though he said I can see other people I think he knows I won’t. He has slept with a couple of girls in those one and a half years but only a couple as he says the sex he has with me is the best ever. The chemistry between us is amazing! He’s always fixing things and helping me to organise things…the situation drives me crazy!! :(

  6. avatar Julia says:

    fwb do have the potential to become a marriage in reality…i think its perfectly fine to mourn over the death of a fwb relationship, its a legitimate relationship, just an unestablished and socially acceptable one. some fwb do turn into fwb but any situation that has turned into a fwb already must have challenges to overcome like being foward and truthful with their feelings if they have them. the girl writing to gURLy missed her fwb and should have told him so. she needs to express and value her emotions more in general, instead of just always moving on.

  7. avatar Amy Gibson says:

    WHY WOULD THEY HAVE A PIC OF A YOUNG BOY CRYING IN FRONT OF SANTAS GRAVE FOR THIS????

  8. avatar strawberrykitty says:

    My FWB has been my boyfriend and fiance at one point, but he was just too far away and it didn’t work out. He came back to California and we were FWB, but we were falling in love again quickly and it was amazing. But we got caught in the middle of the night, my mom filed a police report on him and he moved back to Louisiana. I really miss him and I hope he comes back for me when I finally turn 18 this summer, it really sucks and I wish that I could see him again. I’m totally cool being FWB, but I do wish we could pick up where we left off.. I hate not being able to stay in touch or speak. My mom controls my Facebook and forces me to keep him on my Blocklist, so I can’t even see his photos.. I want him, now.

  9. avatar yoyo says:

    i know how terrible it is to miss your fwb, but you see it could be worse. i used to date my fwbs brother. me and him share alot when his brother broke of with me he stood on by side, then hings arose and we became fwb. a month later i found out that i started loving him and you know whats worse i promised him not to love him, one night after sex i just burst out and said it, while me knowing him not wanting to be attatched he was scared and we decided to cut the whole thing off and take back our releationship to the time we were best friends i now pretend like nothing happened but all i can say is when he tells me about his day or crushes i smile and say ” bro shes hot go for it!” while all i want to do is slap him and kiss the crap out of him and tell him how much i love him. but this is life just try not to give up, find another fwb maybe itll ease the pain.

  10. avatar claudia says:

    i went through the same thing for a year with this guy.met through a friend and right away we started hooking up. we where really cool with each other and had alot in common but non of us wanted to make it official. but after months of being together i started developing feelings towards him that i didt want and when we would go out everyopne would ask us if we where together but we always denied it. but whenever i saw him talking to another gilr i would flip out onhim but he never opped talking to me or seeing me, we kept being fwb. i didnt know if he liked me like i did so i kept trying to date and see other guys because i thought we where just friends, but one day at a party he walked in on me kissing this guy i was seeing and he flipped out on me and went crazy. i told him the best was to just to not see each other anymore because it wasw so confusing. the next day he called me and told me he didnt want loose me and wanted me to only be his gilr. weve been together ever since. 2 years, 1 year as fwb and 1 year as a couple. if it dosent work out or if he dosent want what u want just move on asap because the deeper your in it the harder it is to get over it of itdosent work out like you want. i was lucky because we both developed the same feelings as each other. the best thing to do is move on. if he really wanted to he would ave made you his gf along time ago. your just hurting yourself by getting stuck on this guy wo obviously dosent deserve you.

  11. avatar Lacey says:

    Sorry about Max. Just as everyone else I’ve been in a similar situation…in love with a boy for two years but there’s no potential for a relationship. We’ve flirted since day one, so that kind of led me on. But we’ve hooked up quite a few times and I always think that maybe this time he’ll change his mind. The worst part…is that when I start to like other guys it only lasts a week or two until I realize that they just don’t compare and they’re not the guy I want. I especially feel terrible the couple times that a guy has told me he might be falling in love with me and I have to break it to them this isn’t what I want.

    Sometimes the connection you feel when you hook up is more significant to one person than the other, and it crushes you when they can’t see you as more than a good time. But at the same time you can’t say no to a hook up and it just keeps you strung along even more.

    Being in love with your FWB can be torture.

  12. avatar Mellie says:

    I know exactly how this goes. I’d been crushing hard on this guy ever since I met him when I was like, ten. Then one night last year he asked if we could move to the “friends with benefits” level and I was elated. And he strictly specified that we were “just friends” who had sex with each other. I knew we weren’t going to be anything more, so I took it for what it was and went with it. But that wasn’t going to stop me from crushing hard on him. Well, needless to say, getting to spend intimate time with him and cuddling only made my emotions worse. But then a few months later after he’d been ignoring me I found out he was dating some other girl. So, I guess word didn’t really get out about us (though all of our mutual friends know). It was just the ending of the whole thing and his sudden beef with me that made it hard cutting it off. Especially knowing I’ll never have him.

  13. avatar Katelyn Marie says:

    I know how this goes. Me and this guy Lucas were doing the “FWB” thing and it didnt work neither because he told someone, and it went around school. All you need to do is say your sorry. DENY everything and shrug it off like you don’t care. Tell him you care about him and see what happens. Cuz now me and Lucas are serious…..:) Goo Luck!;)

  14. avatar Simone says:

    The same thing is happening to me, but he told everyone that i was lying. What i think you should do is tell him how you feel, how you truly feel about him. Maybe he feels the same but is afraid of what you will think.

  15. avatar tintin says:

    we both have the same situation.. :| its really hardddd for me. the guy i hookup with, sex is only what he wants.
    lately i miss him so badly so i went to their place 12hrs drive here 100km/hr . damn it. well now im back to my home and i really want to get over him. janelle is right.. keep yourself busy :)) and you’ll be fine…

  16. avatar Janelle Shepard says:

    Thats really sad that Max won't talk to you anymore but you are not a" terrible person" just for telling one friend what had been going on. Part of being in a FWB arrangement is that they should still treat you with respect, just like how your other friends should. I know you said you miss him but try and keep yourself busy, like volunteering at your local animal shelter or library or discover a new hobby like surfing or horseback riding. Just try and keep your mind occupied so you won't always be thinking of him. I hope things get better : )

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