Dear Heather,
HELP! So I had sex for the first time with this boy I’ve liked for a long time and he said he had feelings for me as well but he has a girlfriend away at a different college. I know getting in the middle of someone else’s relationship is wrong and I made that clear with him before we did it, but once things got started neither of us wanted to stop. I don’t regret the sex or who it was with; I just regret the circumstances. My feelings aren’t over the moon for him — I just kinda feel the same — almost as if sex didn’t change anything. I don’t expect him to leave his girl but I can’t help but feel neglected in the situation. I told him my feelings were still the same after suggesting we give each other some space. So what do I do now? I’m going to get checked out at the doctors and take care of my sexual health but what do I do about him?

Good for you for going to the doc to make sure you’re healthy! I hope though, that doesn’t mean you had unprotected sex? No matter how “in the moment” you’re feeling, the real thing to regret in this situation is being left with an STD which can effect the rest of your moments forever. I don’t want to scare you; it’s just that putting on a condom is the best thing you can do for both of you! So promise me next time, whether it’s with him or someone else, cover his dong and you won’t go wrong.

|Not to scare you, but STDs are scary!!! See what we mean?|

Ok, enough of the responsible adult stuff. As much as we want to deny it, sex, for most of us, does change things. Sure, you can have sex and feel no different, but honestly it’s rare. Sex literally releases the hormones that make you feel you’re in love. So, if you’re in like with someone and you have sex with them, it’s a physiological fact that most likely develop stronger emotions for them. Your feeling of neglect is totally valid, and it’s normal to feel that way after being so intimate with him. Especially since it was your first time.

|What will your first time feel like? Find out what other gURLs experienced and ask q’s on the Shout Out Boards!|

You actually can change the circumstances. You have the choice to either tell him that you won’t do the dirty with him until he can commit to you (and only you), or you have the option of finding an available guy who can commit to you and offer you the security you want. I think the latter option is actually awesome, because you have learned a lot about yourself in these circumstances that will totally help you with a new, healthy relationship. I know it’s not easy to get over a guy you like, especially after losing your virginity to him, but I also think it’s hard to have sex with someone you don’t trust, and it’s hard to trust a cheater, and he’s a cheater. When you realize that your crush isn’t actually all that good for you, it’s a whole lot easier to move on. Right?

And gURLs, how do you get over a guy? Do you have any tips? Or, do you think she should try to work things out with him?

take care,
heather