Ask a Guy: Will a Boy Date Me If I Have a Baby?

not the nipple he has in mind

Henry here, answering questions for you that only a guy can. Between 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom dominating airwaves, and all the gURLs discussing teen pregnancy on the boards, I thought today’s topic was quite fitting. Ana asks:

Dear Henry,

Does it really matter to a guy if a girl has a baby? I’m 16 and I have a six month old daughter and I have had a lot of trouble finding a guy that’ll be okay with me being a mother. How can I know whether or not a guy is down with dating a girl with a baby?

Well, Ana, I think in your case it has a lot to do with your age. Most teen guys are all about experimenting. They want to date, kiss, dry-hump, and have sex with as many girls as possible. It’s brutal, I know, and probably the last thing you want to hear, but teen guys see a baby as getting in their way because it cuts into their new-and-improved, post puberty life.

|Find out why 16 & Pregnant‘s Ashley thinks teen guys are “immature”.|

Think about it: For a really young guy who feels like he’s just hit his sexual prime, the thought of a baby becomes a major turn off. Most guys have it in the back of their head that they’ll eventually find a chick, settle down, and maybe even become a father, but in terms of timing, it looks way far down the road.

My advice to you is, for the time being, concentrate on taking care of your baby and being able to support both yourself and your child. You’ll find that as the guys around you get older, it’ll be easier to date. That’s because as guys get older, they become less sex crazed and a little more relationship-oriented, so lots of them will start to overlook that you have a kid. But in the meantime, don’t be surprised if a guy sees it as just another layer of responsibility that he doesn’t really want in a relationship.

|Are you struggling with dating (with or without child)? Real gURLs are sharing their advice on the Shout Out boards.|

And hey, it’s not to say that all young guys will steer clear of you because you’ve had a baby. You’re just going to need to find a special one who is willing to take on that extra responsibility. Silver lining: at least when you find him, you’ll know he’s really got your back and loves you for you.

So, any other questions I can answer for you? Comment below or send them along to askhenry@gurl.com.

Deuces,

Henry


Posted in: Ask A Guy, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Teen Pregnancy
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  • Cody44

    I know im probably late to say this but ive just been thrown into this kind of thing i recently found the girl of my dreams she just turned 20 years old and has a 3 year old daughter i myself being 19 im still going for her and any real man no matter what his age if his heart is in the right place he will learn to accept your child so please dont think all hope is lost for you

  • Rick

    Being a man women with kids EXPECT you to love their kids. Their kids don’t want you. I confess I date women with kids as they are more willing to put out in the begining. Once they think about getting serious I get out fast & move to next. Kids are extra baggage women expect YOU to carry especially when “Daddy” ain’t around.

  • shawndra

    Men only date women with kids for sex. No man wants to raise another man’s children. Realize you’ll probably never marry again & move on. Kids are for the rest of your life. I have 2 kids w/ 2 different men & have given up on men completely. Wish I was Big LOL! Only hope when time comes my kids don’t move in with me & their children.

  • quran

    notice alot of women posted so granit there comments gonna be alittle biased thought id give you a point of view of a strait guy in this position 1st of all id adress that comment made men dont get farther rights they earn it thats wrong in my point of view just like a women gets hers when the babys born i believe the farther does his actions decide if he should lose them but as far as guys dating you if you got a baby gonna be honest alot of them wont because there just not ready to handle that situaton and tbh this doesnt make them immature just not the person for you cause at the end of day they would be in a situation they didnt want or wasnt prepared for but if you do find somone who likes you enough they will see your child as extension of you and love it as they do you and consider your child as just something that comes with you instead of a promblem but to wrap it up a guy taking on a responsibility like that not because he has got himself into a situation but because how he feels about you is a keeper so theres a plus to negative

    • Anonymous

      Your spelling is horrendous, as is your grammar, so I had some trouble reading this. However, I think that you were trying to say that it’s not fair that mother’s get ‘mothers rights’ when the baby is born, but the father has to earn his. This is not true, at least not as I noticed. The father had the rights as the father as well. He can lose them, but he never has to really earn them if he is biologically the child’s father. A mother can lose her rights to motherhood too though, it’s not just the men. If any parent mistreats, ignores, or abuses that child they do not deserve to call themselves a parent. Same goes for parents who are not even making the slightest attempt to stop doing drugs, drinking, whoring around, behaviors that do not lend themselves to a healthy environment for the child.

      A parent can earn their rights if they are not biologically the child’s parent. My mom’s boyfriend is a better dad than my biological father ever was.

      • lilsmurffette82

        i total agree to u on his grammar and yes a mother can lose her rights along with the father if they are into drugs and stuff and not only that the father has much rites intill he is proven he is not responable to help the mom…and my boyfriend is a better father to my son then his biological father is…..and i was always told u dont have to be blood to love someones elses kids and help raise them

  • Angel

    Dear henry do boys just want u for sex? do they want to know your personalty or they just want to have sex with you? im 13 years old

  • Angelica

    Im 19 & i have a 1 year old daughter is it different for me to date or have a serious relationship?

  • ana

    I think this article is ridiculous!!! FIRST want to congratulate the teen girl for having the baby!! she needs encouragement that the right guy will come along and wont care if she was a baby or not! and whoever finds her baby a problem should just walk away!

  • Diamond

    Well i have twins and over heard my bf saying to his friend that he had 2 things he could do both are heart breaking 1 is to break up with me so he won`t have to hear the twins mouth and 2 is get married adopt them and give them up.And im kinda sad because not most 15 year olds have kids and well i love them with all my heart and he does not know that 8 week old babies do cry alot.PLZ HELP!!!

    • Kaitlyn

      Hi there,
      im not sure if you have gotten many replys but when reading your post i couldnt scroll by. I had my daughter at 18 which was hard but the first thing i want to tell you is you rock. dont ever let a “boy” determine your status as a parent. im sorry but your bf sounds like an ahole. no offense trust me my daughters dad can be quite irritating. as hard as this advice is to take because i am going down this road at the moment is to forget him and move on. always remember being a father is not a given right it is earned. and if he talks like that the best bet is to end it and end communication. i did this when i was pregnant and yes he went and did his own thing at first and it hurt me but after a few months he called all the time( i did not answer. i waited to hear the messages) guys are stupid and hate growing up put it this way they want to put there junk in everything that moves it just how puberty goes but at the end of the day always focus on your kids and your life dont worry about the grave he digs for himself. be the best mother you can be and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

    • lucie

      break up with him!! he obvisoly dont care about u coz hes telling u to give up ur kids !

  • Ellie- fish

    Dear girls,

    glad you can be so supportive of each other, but as Henry DIDNT mention up there, maybe you should look at the big picture before you get so hasty about babies, love, pregnancy, or marriage . Don't you have dreams? careers? passions you want to pursue and places you want to go? A baby is an ASTRONOMICAL responsibility, and when you have a baby it would be selfish to put yourself before them. Maybe just think a little, before you bring a person into the world, and have safe sex or no sex at all when youre in high school. The key is, if you're still dependent on your parents, how can you be so delusional to try to become one yourself? Not to mention, what is " having a man" so important either? Dont you have any real dreams of your own?

    • Sarah

      Agreed. Having a baby is a HUGE responsibility and deciding to put your baby aside for another man is just ignorant. I think she should focus on raising her baby and perhaps on the way she'll find a man who will accept her just the way she is and will accept her baby for who he/she is. Henry didn't mention having a baby is a big responsibility and she should take a while before deciding she's ready for the dating scene.

  • Dhaylah

    Okkay, I have a very important question. I broke up with my ex mason a few months ago, and we went out again but i broke up with him again. Then a few weeks ago he asked my bestfriend out alaysa, and he would ask me if i still liked him, and I would say it didnt matter, but he would beg me to tell him, so I was texting him yesterday because i was still wondering if they still went out, and i just asked a simple question, but he started getting mad saying stuff like why do you even care, and i told him i was just asking it wasnt like i wasnt happy they were going out but he was still being mean so i asked him why he acts like he hates me so much and he said because i do and i asked him why because i didnt do nothing to him, but he wouldnt tell me so i texted him again and was like no I want to know why u hate me so much just tell me please and he wouldnt answer me, SO MY QUESTION IS WHY DOES HE ACT LIKE HE DOESNT CARE AND ''HATES ME'' BUT WONT TELL ME WHY??

    • Diamond

      @ Dhaylah well you did go out with him twice and break up with him twice or maybe he was having mood swings other than that i dont know.

  • Lizzy

    I totally undertand where your coming from.

    I had a baby at the age of 16 as well and it was a bit hard for me

    to find a guy but as i grew i eventually realized that if no guy wanted to accept me with my bby

    at that age was because they werent mature enough to handle a responsibilty so huge. So i stop looking for

    and just focused on my bby and studies as it should. Within 3 months later i was already madly in love with a guy tht accepted me with my started family , he helped me out alot but sadly we broke up cause of other problems we had. and since then my dating life didnt stop like it did took a while for me to get my datin back on but i came through. im19 now and im currently datin a guy i meet at college and by the look of it we might gt married! so my point is that if a guy truly cares abt you he will accept you and your baby

    • aelx123

      hey lizzy i love ur story. glad there are people out there that do have maturity and that guys do (eventually) grow up. i am kinda curious about a few things. #1 wht is ur bbys name and is it a boy or gurl. #2 very glad u might get married congrats in advance & #3 sry bout randomness