I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been going out with a guy for two years. And we’re still not officially together. His relationship with his ex-girlfriend had a great impact on him when they broke up, but that was three years ago. That girl is now madly in love with another guy.
I know that he treasures me, because I’m really close to his family members and they all seem to think we’re gonna end up married. But when I ask him if he loves me enough or why he won’t ask me to be his girlfriend, he always tries to make a joke out of it.
Until he told me that he doesn’t have that same intense feeling that he had with his ex with me. He just doesn’t feel the same. He and his ex had so many things to talk about, but when it comes to him and I it isn’t the case. He says he feels really selfish because he feels that I’m wonderful, and he wants to keep me because he knows that he may never find another like me. He also tells me that he can’t help looking at other girls that are hotter and slimmer than me. And he tells me that he wishes I would exercise and slim down.
What should I do? I feel really alone in this. Please help!
We accept the love we think we deserve; by staying with your guy, it’s as if you think you don’t deserve love at all.
Even though you may be close with his family and he tells you’re wonderful, you are not in a healthy relationship. I know that you so badly hope that this guy will eventually fall in love with you, but if it’s been two year and it hasn’t happened, it never will. It sounds like he is too weak and insecure to leave you, so instead he’s dragging you along until he finds a gURL he can fall in love with — and it’ll only be a matter of time until he does.
It’s also a red flag this guy compares you not only to his ex, but also to other gURLs. Telling someone you would love them more if they lost weight is extremely controlling. By making you feel like you’re not beautiful enough, you get down on yourself, start to think that no one would ever love you, and then stay with the guy who will at least (I’m assuming) hook up with you.
Break this cycle now by taking some time for yourself, away from him and his family. Not having any contact might hurt at first, but you need to remove yourself from situation because it will not get better for you until you move on. Hang out with friends, talk to new guys, do whatever makes you happy for a while and, trust me, it will get better. Maybe after you’ve healed you’ll be ready to start a friendship with this guy and his family members again, but only after you put your happiness and needs first.
Let me know how it all works out, okay?
Do any gURLs out there have advice of their own? I’d love to hear what you think.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at email@example.com.
more ways to get gURLy:
- Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
- Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
- Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
- Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
- Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
- Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
- Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!