i’m in love with my teacher! what should i do?

come on, who hasn't had a mr. fitz fantasy?

Hi Heather,
I’m madly in love with my teacher. Even though NOTHING has happened between us except a jokey conversation, I still feel closer to him than ever. But now, I’m starting to think that this isn’t an average crush anymore. It has turned into some obsessive, lovesick situation that I am struggling to get out of, and I feel I need real big help.

I found out that he is getting married soon, and ever since, I have been feeling down and really hurt. It has gotten so bad I can’t even stand seeing him in the corridor anymore, I just never want to see him again. I’m really, really confused with the whole situation. How can I be completely in love with him and want him not to exist at the same time? And why are my feelings so strong for a teacher?

It’s not that uncommon or crazy for a gURL to fall in love with her teacher. Since we’re often attracted to people who remind us of our childhoods, or who fill the role of a father-figure we’re lacking, it could be that you’re seeking authority, status, or wisdom from him because you don’t get a lot of that elsewhere. Also, you spend a significant amount of time with your teacher, you learn new things from him, you’re comfortable enough to joke around with each other and — most importantly — you can’t have him.

|Would you ever date a much-older guy? Discuss!|

We tend to be attracted to love that’s taboo or forbidden. Teachers get in major trouble every day for having affairs with students, and with yours getting married soon, he’s all the more off-limits. Were you to pursue your feelings, your teacher would lose his job and possibly get arrested, while you would lose a whole lot more.

As a gURL, you’re just starting to discover your sexuality, and getting yourself involved in this relationship could lead to a really hard and confusing life down the road. Think about it: You’re already feeling lovesick, confused, and hurt. This is no average crush, and that’s because you have no outlet for your fantasy and no control over the situation.

To get back into the driver’s seat, I highly recommend talking to a guidance counselor to get switched out of his class, and avoid him as much as you can. Distance is a very powerful thing when it comes to our crushes; sometimes all it takes is a little bit of space. This will help you focus those emotions elsewhere on people you can actually explore a fun, healthy relationship with, making you forget about your teacher altogether.

|Does weather hurt the effectiveness of condoms? This gURL is afraid she might be pregnant, thanks to a cold truck.|

And that sickness your feeling? Totally understandable. We hate people for not giving us the love we want from them, and the humiliation of that can be downright horrible. People feel this way about their crushes and exes all the time because we just want them to go away so we can finally feel normal again. Lucky for you, you’ve got the power to get out now.

Do any gURLs out there have advice of their own? I’d love to hear what you think.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, School, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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25 Comments

  1. avatarsomerandomgal says:

    alright so like I don’t feel like I’m the only one with this, basically I think I’m falling in love with my teacher because so far in the year I feel some relationship with him since we have talked casually about ourselves a few times, he’s always happy to answer my questions and always smiles (he does this a lot with everyone but it’s different with me) I can’t help thinking about him because first of all, he’s like perfect lol and my ideal guy but sadly we have a 13 yr difference (I’m 14 almost 15), hopefully I can get over this something since I feel that everyone in my class and friends know that we are really friendly

  2. avatarxxxxxxxxx says:

    i am in love with my student but i am mot sure from her side she is a quite disciplined , systematic and regular student . she never tried to come closer but i still keep on trying i am confused because she never signaled me . she is 13 years old . i am deeply in love with her. i am a drawing teacher . when i was newly joined in school and saw her for first when she drew a photo and gave me for displaying . my eyes stuck at her .

    • avatarLarissa says:

      wrong…. 13? really… stop it! not good to have such thoughts abt such a young person. it sound like you want admiration from people. dont confuse this for love. u cant love a baby in this manner.

  3. avatarshy girl says:

    I know how use feel, I’m in love with my private guitar teacher, however the age difference isn’t as bad as these, it is only 9 years. I got my friend to tell him and he said nothing could happen because he is my tutor. When he said this I was heartbroken but I just don’t mention it. However, he doesn’t feel awkward about it and were still close. (he is also a friend)

  4. avatarBecca says:

    I know how you feel. I am almost 15 and I am a freshman in high school. I have a math teacher who I am absolutely in love with. It is definately more than a crush, it’s more of an obsession. He is 30 years old and he has beautiful red hair that is long and about down to his shoulders, and it kind of hugs close to his head. He is 6’6″!! I have loved him ever since I laid eyes on him on the first day of school. He has B lunch, just like me and my best friends. So when he comes into the cafeteria, my friend Kayla is always like “ooooo there’s Mr. Rupp (that’s his name). When I am in math class, I can’t help but stare at him. I sit right near the door in his class, so he is always walking down the isle between mine and my best friend Kelly’s desk. We just look at each other and smirk and giggle like little school girls. Hahaha. It is pretty hard for me to have a conversation with him without blushing. You just have to deal with it. We are almost done with the first semester and I still haven’t gotten over him. You can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel. You will get over it eventually. I know I will, but it will take me a while! :) good luck!

  5. avatarjesse says:

    hey……m also going through the same situation ……… dont nw hw to get rid out of this… m having crush on my instructor who is 6 yrs older den me… we hv spent a very good time together of 2 years nd at last i hv confessed my feelings for him..bt the most shocking moment was that he had no reactions….bt wen i went off and again returned to tell him something i found him crying….dont nw wat he fels about me??? really its very depress able..

  6. avatarJenna says:

    I have a new band teacher different than last year and I dont even know what it is but after almost 2 moths of being in his class I think I’m in love with him. Im 13 years old and hes 23 years old so were 10 years apart. I really want him to love me back because he doesnt have a wife or children or a girlfriend or anything but I honstly dont even know what to do anymore. Im stressing so muh about it. Sometimes I wonder if theres anything I can do to make it all stop . I wanna be with him so bad or at least have him tell me he loves me too, but I know if I do that He might get fired ): Im just so hurt and confused )’:

  7. avatarHera says:

    I’m in d same situation.I’m 17 and he is 25.when I first come to high school I quarelled with him about smethng.that’s why he recognise me v well.I’m also good at studies.he alwayes look at my eyes and smile.he is sooo cute &gentle.I dunno what will happen in future but i’ll always love him.by d way our habit even our names meaning also same…

  8. avatarRunez says:

    I’m in the same predicament here but the thing is, I have little to no love experiences. He’s probably in his late 20s because he looks really young. I always thought love was troublesome but now, I can’t stop thinking about him 24/7. During classes, he approaches me & answers my questions but he tends to avoid eye contact w/ me. One time, he was walking towards my seat and when I looked up at him, he flinched and turned around. I can’t see any reason why he can be comfortable w/ other girls & not w/ me. & sometimes, I can’t help but stare at him while he’s teaching. I think he feels troubled when I do that because his demeanor does a 180 & that’s the signal for me to stop staring. I am well aware that I shouldn’t be expecting anything from him and it’s probably one-sided from my part but it hurts to know that this relationship won’t progress any further because of the risks involved. Heather, I’ll take your advice and forget about him. Besides, I already knew that love was indeed, troublesome.

  9. avatarHannah says:

    Okay so I’m in love wid my teacher 2 and I sent him a card saying how much I can’t stop thinkin about him and after that everything went a bit awkward and everyday when he walks bye I be so loud talkin to my friends and al of a sudden I shut up completely and just put my head down and walk but today we saw him and all my friend were like oooooo Hannah look its mr mace (that’s his name ) say hi nd he was freaked out so he took me into his office and we talked about me loving him and hopefully everything is ok tmorrow so you should ask him if you can talk to him and tell him how u feel he will understand unless he is a moody person

    Hope this was helpful good luck

    Hannah xo

    • avatarhannah says:

      I am 13 and inlove with my teacher , he is 24 and taught pe and special ed , before the last day of school we went to waterworld and i basically spent the whole day withhim , waterfights , talking and just messing about really , then he left on the last day of the term so i got him a card saying i love him and he gave me a hug and had a picture with me , i am obsessed with him though , i fantasise about him but he has a girlfriend – from hannah xx

  10. avatarAbby says:

    Okay, okay, I don’t really have much input to this but, I know what it feels like to have a crush on a teacher, sadly:l But its not like some of these (age differences) hes barely even 25 and hes soo HOT, all the girls agree, but of course we all know that’s all it is, is a crush.

  11. avatar1319bieberxo says:

    I am in love with my teacher as well. I am now 16 and he is 46 (he looks like 30 though). This might seem gross and in some way it is but he’s the nicest guy ever and he’s a wonderful person. I do sometimes feel like he flirts with me and he gives me compliments but I think it’s a very unrealistic idea. Of course we want them to give us the affection and love we can give them, but they can’t. Even if they were in love with us, they couldn’t (and probably wouldn’t) let us know, because they can get in big trouble. Also, if you were to get into a relationship, it’s not very likely the relationship will last. I just keep thinking like that. Of course, I want him to be in love with me, and of course I want his flirting to actually mean something, and of course I want to kiss him and I want him to kiss me, but it can’t happen. I will not have him risk his job – and LIFE – for something like this. I keep my distance and fantasize about him from a distanze. It’s OK to fantasize about him, but I’d suggest you don’t tell him.

  12. avatarjerlie says:

    ..im also a college student dat fall in love wid my instructor…. ang as the time pass by i felt that mas sobra ko pa syang minamahal kht malau n sya hndi ko p din mgwang mgmahal ng iba coz i promise n mghihintay ako kht gnu ktgal.. and i can say n ngagawa ko ung promise ko coz until now im not yet getting an affair or committment wid other guy coz for me… he is the 1 in my heart and no one can replace it…para sken kc age doesnt matter… everything doesnt matter if u really love a person…

  13. avataralexandra may o'sullivan says:

    hi heather

    i know how you feel i have fallen in love with a teacher at my school and he isn’t teaching me his name is Dani and i have fallen in love with him i want him to notice me but the other day he sat down with me and we talked not about me loving him but about another thing and then i felt his hand on my back and i blushed i wanted to kiss him and then he touched my face and i fainted oops in his arms and he had take me to the headmaster who is really cute aswell but i am madly in love with dani and its normal to have crushes on teachers 54%of people do
    bye heather hope you sort it out

  14. avatarzenessa says:

    you should don’t fell inlove w/ you eww teachers!

  15. avatarrosiegirlxo says:

    I’m a 15 year old girl in grade 10 at high school and for a while now I’ve had a massive crush on my school deputy principal and the more I see him, the more I like him. He’s pretty good looking and a really, really nice guy but the problem is, he’s in his 50′s, married and he has kids older than me! I don’t want to ruin our friendship but im scared I’m becoming too obsessed. should I tell him how I feel? how would he react? I can’t keep this a secret from him and I’m scared I might say something one day but I don’t want to avoid him. I don’t know if he’s just being friendly or not but he often pulls me aside from my friends and makes a private conversation with me and winks at me so what would that mean? Do you think he knows? Surely he wouldn’t dob me in if I said anything would he?

    • avataralexandra may o'sullivan says:

      hey listen dont tell him how you feel he will get embarrased and wont talk to you but you might want to try to make him notice you i’m in love with a teacher aswell

      • avatarehmzhie says:

        hi :) im also in-love with my teacher, and he knows it but we’re friend until now, for me it doesn’t mean that if u tell him about your feeling for him he wont talk to you..but it depends on the teacher if he likes you too. :)

  16. avatarDivya says:

    I am also in same situation… I first had a crush on my youngest professor of my college.. His name is Deepak…. Whenever I see him, I get very excited and thousands of butterflies fly in my body.. I cant imagine a single day without watching him or talking to him.. Moreover,he is also interested in me.. He looks at me, or whenever i come online for chatting, he always say me Hello.. When I think about us, our name combines and becomes Divya -Deepak…..Awww, thats so lovely..<3<3
    I love u deepak.. <3
    I want to marry him because he is the one whom i wished for, to be as my husband…
    he has all the qualities of a good guy…
    But the problem is that we belong to different castes and different states.. :( Don't know,what god wants.. :I juz wish to be his girl..

  17. avatarTannvii Khanna says:

    Well, Im in the same kind of situtation, I’m in love with my History teacher, I have always shared my problems with him, he has been always there for me, but the fact that he is just a teacher & I cant; do anything about it, he only tries to help me through my hard times, he makes me strong, he is my strength & I even have told him this but I dont he has an idea that Im in love with him, I always stare at him, sometimes he catches me too, its so weird cause every time I see him talking to any other girl, I burn inside so much, once I saw him joking around few girls & I cried the whole day, it’s been almost 3 years & I’m still not over him, I love him too much to let it go, & I know it would take me to no-where, I know it will only leave me in the middle of no-where, but I just don;t know what to do, & now I guess he is leaving our school soon & I have decided, if he leaves, I’ll just kill myself, I really cant imagine my life without him, but I know if anyone would know about this, we both will be in big trouble, so I decide to shut my mouth, but its hard, its really hard. I;m just quiet for him, thats all. I just dont know what to do, I hate my life.

  18. avatarSerena says:

    Ever heard of Debra LaFave? Also known by Debra Jean Beasley? She engaged in sexual relations with a 14 year old when she was 23. Subsequently, she lost her job, and was put on house arrest. You may think you like your teacher, but I can give you BEYOND a shadow of a doubt that this isn't "love", you have perfectly reasonable sexual curiousity and feelings being directed towards an experienced member of your preferred gender (probably not a great idea to pursue a former teacher once an adult, either-just taboo). Being distanced from this certain teacher should stop the frequency of your thoughts and feelings, it may not stop them, but maybe that's where the guidance counselor comes in. I agree with Heather 100%: don't go there; even in "best case scenarios" where a relationship flourishes, said teacher runs a great possibility of losing his/her job, family, and being incarcerated.

    Good luck.

  19. avatarAmber says:

    I clicked on this because i was in a similar situation. since my sophomore year of high school i was "unofficially" dating my teacher. we would hang out outside of school, text during school, and talk on the phone on my way to school. i would always get there early to hang out with her before school started and would stop by inbetween classes because i couldnt stand to be in the same building without being around her…and she was the same. we would meet in the bathroom during my lunch because she had a prep period during that time. it was all great until about march of my senior year we got into a huge fight…and i thought it would be like any other fight we had been in and she would be over it by the time school was over. i went to her class to apologize after school and she wouldn't talk to me. she ended up deleting me on facebook, blocking my number so i couldn't text her, etc. at prom she called me a slut(she was a chaperone) and we havent talked since prom night. so in a way she ruined my entire senior year. i was looking forward to graduating because we could finally be official. anyway, i never got my closure…thats why still after almost a year later i still am sick over losing her. i don't think i'll ever get over it. so anyway, from someone who knows what youre going through, i would atleast take care of things in a manner that will not leave you with regret..and its better to leave him alone now before you get too involved. its not worth ruining "the happiest time of your life"

  20. avatarSIOBHAN says:

    I'm still in love with a teacher and it has been 3 years now i don't know why but there's just something about him that drives me crazy for him

    and i moved from that school it was co-ed and i still seem to love him when i'm at my new school and it's an all girls high school he's all i really think about nothing helps when nearly everything reminds me of him it really sucks and i get my best friend who is from that school to talk to him about me so far it sounds like he's interested and he's married i feel confused :|

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