i’m in love with my teacher! what should i do?

come on, who hasn't had a mr. fitz fantasy?

Hi Heather,
I’m madly in love with my teacher. Even though NOTHING has happened between us except a jokey conversation, I still feel closer to him than ever. But now, I’m starting to think that this isn’t an average crush anymore. It has turned into some obsessive, lovesick situation that I am struggling to get out of, and I feel I need real big help.

I found out that he is getting married soon, and ever since, I have been feeling down and really hurt. It has gotten so bad I can’t even stand seeing him in the corridor anymore, I just never want to see him again. I’m really, really confused with the whole situation. How can I be completely in love with him and want him not to exist at the same time? And why are my feelings so strong for a teacher?

It’s not that uncommon or crazy for a gURL to fall in love with her teacher. Since we’re often attracted to people who remind us of our childhoods, or who fill the role of a father-figure we’re lacking, it could be that you’re seeking authority, status, or wisdom from him because you don’t get a lot of that elsewhere. Also, you spend a significant amount of time with your teacher, you learn new things from him, you’re comfortable enough to joke around with each other and — most importantly — you can’t have him.

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We tend to be attracted to love that’s taboo or forbidden. Teachers get in major trouble every day for having affairs with students, and with yours getting married soon, he’s all the more off-limits. Were you to pursue your feelings, your teacher would lose his job and possibly get arrested, while you would lose a whole lot more.

As a gURL, you’re just starting to discover your sexuality, and getting yourself involved in this relationship could lead to a really hard and confusing life down the road. Think about it: You’re already feeling lovesick, confused, and hurt. This is no average crush, and that’s because you have no outlet for your fantasy and no control over the situation.

To get back into the driver’s seat, I highly recommend talking to a guidance counselor to get switched out of his class, and avoid him as much as you can. Distance is a very powerful thing when it comes to our crushes; sometimes all it takes is a little bit of space. This will help you focus those emotions elsewhere on people you can actually explore a fun, healthy relationship with, making you forget about your teacher altogether.

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And that sickness your feeling? Totally understandable. We hate people for not giving us the love we want from them, and the humiliation of that can be downright horrible. People feel this way about their crushes and exes all the time because we just want them to go away so we can finally feel normal again. Lucky for you, you’ve got the power to get out now.

Do any gURLs out there have advice of their own? I’d love to hear what you think.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, School, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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27 Comments

  1. avatar I says:

    I think that you will get over it.. I always had so many crushes on my teachers on the long term. I dont like boys of my age but I find teachers are perfect .But I never told anyone because I knew it was wrong and I felt sick too. But I forget them as the holiday starts.

  2. avatar Ellie says:

    ok I’m in the same exact situation, so I hope you will respond to me. I am literally so obsessed with my teacher and I can NOT stop thinking about him. He is the perfect person and I wish he would just not be here but I found out that he’s leaving and I’ve been depressed ever since. I, like you, want him but at the same time want him to not exist. I wish I could tell someone how I felt but everyone would think I was really strange. I know a lot of people say this is just a phase, and that I’ll get over it, but it’s really bad right now and I become excessively upset whenever I think that I’ll probably never see him again. I hope that I get through this and I just want to stop having feelings for him!!!

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