my best gURL and guy friend have started hanging out, but i’m only mad at her. why do i feel like this?

hey heather,

My best gURL friend and best guy friend have started to hang out more often together without me. Why am I only mad at her, but not him?

I’m sorry that your friends are ditching you in order to spend more time with each other. It always hurts to feel pushed aside especially by the people you hold so closely.

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There are a lot of reasons why you could be feeling mad at your gURL friend but not with your guy friend, but before I give you my advice, I’m going to make two assumptions:

1) You don’t have romantic interest in either of your friends, and never had.

2) You’re equally close with both pals.

Society and human nature often pits gURLs against each other, causing us to be competitive and harsh with one another, and not men. We tend to hold our relationships with other women to higher standards than those we have with males for this reason, and we then end up in situations like yours, where there’s drama between ladies and yet no conflict with you and the guy.

The best thing to do is step back from the situation, and try to hold both BFFs equally accountable for making you feel left out. Talk to them individually about what you’re going through; since they’re both your best friends, I’m sure they will each do everything they can to include you again, even if they’re starting to build a romantic relationship together. The great thing is that you recognize it’s not just her fault.

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And from now on, fight double standards! Relationships between two gURL friends can be the best things in the whole world. Females share a special bond that men will never understand, and we should be embracing each other instead of letting competitive feelings that are strengthened by societal norms tear us apart.

take care,

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Posted in: Friends, Help Me Heather, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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  • Yeah, it seemed to me that all the guys I was friends with were being stolen by others. I try my very best to keep my friends seperate and not make them one, because last time, it backfired. I got in a fight with my friends, and then I was alone, because the word got spread throughout my group of friends. I made new friends and kept them seperate (like back-up friends, you know?) Good luck!

  • songbird

    they both might be seeing each other 😛