if i only fantasize about other gURLs, am i lesbian?! what about my boyfriend?

dear heather,
I feel really confused at the moment. I know I like girls and I’m bisexual, but I have always said that guys come first, simply because I like having sex with them more. Then why is it that when I masturbate, I only get turned on by masturbation videos and gURL-on-gURL sex? I rarely fantasize about my boyfriend unless we’re having phone sex. Can you please help me out here? Thanks a bunch!!!

Our sexuality and our identities are just too diverse to slap on the small labels we create for ourselves. Very few people are 100%, exclusively (in action and in fantasy) homosexual or heterosexual. The majority of us fall somewhere in between all the labels we’ve invented in the spectrum of sexual orientation.

|Is there a way to tell if you’re bisexual? Hmmm, maybe this can help.|

What we call ourselves might help other people define us, but we can’t make that definition fit us how we want to and when we need to (chances are, your sexual preference(s) will change throughout your life!) . The same goes for your fantasies! You can fantasize about whatever or whoever you want to! Joe Jonas? Ashley Greene? Both? At the same time? Go for it. Lesbians can fantasize about sex with men, straight gURLs can fantasize about women…it’s all very common and doesn’t actually affect your sexuality. Fantasy can tell you about your orientation, but it’s not the be-all-end-all sign that you are definitely a lesbian or definitely hetero.

|F.Y.Bi. Did you know that a lot of celebs are pretty open about being bisexual? Yea! They are! Check out these gURLs who openly bat for both teams.|

And, your fantasies don’t reflect how you feel about your boyfriend at all. They are just a quick, temporary thought that gets you off at that moment. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you are happy with him, then that’s great! If you think you’re unhappy, then that’s a different story, but I wouldn’t say your fantasies are indicative of that at all.

In short, your fantasies, and your sexuality, are both totally normal.

take care,

Do you agree with Heather’s advice?

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

more ways to get gURLy:

Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex
Tags: , , , ,
  • Kayla

    It's completley normal to have the thoughts that you're having. You are bi-sexual. You get turned on by girl on girl videos, and you also like having sex with your boyfriend. I myself am bi-sexual & I am the exact same as you. It's completley okay to think about what you're thinking about. I can't get enough of girl on girl action & love watching it. And, as ironic as this seems, I also have a boyfriend who satisfies me aswell.

    No worries, hun 🙂 !

  • shy

    i love the sound of moaning of a girl and guy it turns me on but im very much straight

  • Charlotte

    Don't worry about it . I am straight but I am attracted to girls all the time. When I masturbate I watch lesbian and masturbation videos. It's the only thing I know of that turns me on.