i’m attracted to my sister! what’s wrong with me?

don't be so hard on yourself! it's more common than you think.

hi heather,
I’m really uncomfortable to be talking about this… but I think I may be attracted to my sister.

First of all, I’m a gURL. My family is very Christian, and my parents are against homosexuality, so even if it wasn’t my sister, I would still have a problem.

Second of all, IT’S MY SISTER! I can’t get over how wrong that is. I feel disgusting and horrible for even thinking like that! She’s nearly four years older than me, and she’s really pretty but… OMG. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

It’s really brave of you to share what you’re going through. It’s actually not that unusual for young people exploring their sexuality to fantasize about their siblings. Think about it: sex can be so confusing and scary, and siblings are safe and familiar. We often grow up hugging and kissing them, after all. For most people, it’s easy to push those inappropriate thoughts away and never think about them again, but for others, it’s not so simple.

|Does being Christian mean you can’t be sexual? Discuss!|

Remember that female sexuality is fluid, and that the very idea of sex or taboo behavior (and incest — sexual intercourse between close relatives — is about as taboo as behaviors come) can turn a gURL on. Since you’ve been raised in a home that doesn’t accept all types of sexuality, it makes sense that your particular attraction is a little bit on the extreme side.

Focus your attention away from your sister and instead on someone who you would be able to pursue your desires with. You’ll come to find that there are people who you’d much rather want to be with physically, and that your older sister is a more of a symbol of sexual empowerment or discovery for you, rather than a sex object.

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As for your parents, there’s no rush in talking to them about your sexuality if you think they’ll disapprove. Like I’ve said before: Work on feeling more comfortable with yourself first. This is your time to grow a healthy sexual appetite, and that’s what you should be concentrating on.

Hang in there, and let me know how everything goes.

take care,

Do you agree with Heather’s advice?

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

more ways to get gURLy:

Posted in: Being Different, Family, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex
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  • Liz

    I’m in the exact same boat, and I wanna thank you so much for being brave enough to post this, because it’s made me feel a lot better about my situation! I think it’s a lot more normal than anyone wants to admit, but we are young and our hormones are crazy, and on top of that, having to bottle up homosexual urges will make us crave even more extreme things, so maybe we just need to put our energy towards more attainable people! I hope everything works out for you, and try not to stress about it too much.

  • melissa

    hey, we are on the same boat here, there is nothing wrong with what you are thinking, its normal. I used to think like until I did it with my sister, it was the best experience I ever had, omg. It even aroused my friends. Trust me, you will like it.

    good luck,

  • Gigi

    There’s something called Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA), and it can happen between relatives living together, or – like in my case and my half-brother’s – when you meet a relative you didn’t know you had.

  • Pippy

    Hey I am a Cristian girl and I am sorry but I think that this is wrong…..I am straight and I think lesbians are super gross. So at least try to find a good looking guy…trust me they are there somewhere:)

    • brie

      You my good Ma’am are super gross for thinking that way. You’re Christian? Do you think God would like you bashing on Lesbians? I think NOT!

  • Diana

    Well technically you are not “born” homosexual. Yall treat it as if it’s a gene. It’s not. When your born your just simply born a person. What influences you to become homosexual or bisexual or whatever you end up being, is influenced by your surroundings or morals as you grow up. Just like you can choose to like pizza or chocolate or etc., you can choose to date a guy or girl. And just because a person goes from one to the other doesn’t automatically make them bisexual. A girl can be attracted to another girl at some point and then decide that she really don’t like girls (and I mean really don’t like a girl). It’s a state of mind thing and if people will just stop being so narrow-minded and stubborn you will realize that all it is is just will-power and you can choose to be whatever you want.

    • Erinn

      Actually, scientists have come to find that it’s pretty strongly influenced by hormones in the womb. So, in many cases, you are born homosexual or straight. You cannot chose to date a guy or girl. As a straight person, did you decide which sex you like? No? That’s because it was natural to you, just like it is natural for a homosexual to like the same sex.

      • brie

        Thank you!

  • Brooklynn

    -seriously idts not tht badd maybe yu should fiqure out whether idts your sister you are attractedd to or is idt qirls in qeneral ?

  • Grace

    well I guess i get this.

    I’ve never told anyone, but my female cousin and I once dry humped… we were 10 and 11, and i don’t think we knew what we were doing, we were just pretending but I enjoyed it and I got arroused and everything so it’s not that weird to have a thing for someone in your family.

  • emily

    i was also raised in a christain family and taught the same things, so i say go for it! mayb not wiff ur sis but try sumthen new!;)

  • Monique V

    Wow, okay, first of all I just want to let you know that I back you up 100%. Simply because you had the guts to ask, which not many people can say. I grew up in a catholic house and was taught this was wrong, but I don't see why loving someone is wrong. 🙂 I support whatever you choose to do, just make sure you think it through first. Don't rush into anything.

  • I don't have any advice for you but I'm behind you and hope everything works out well hun

  • mariah

    its your life 🙂

  • Leah

    I'm a Christian and i do believe that you don't CHOOSE to be a lesbian. sometimes it just happens. but i do believe that if you really want to, you can change that. I think i used to be a lesbian. I was attracted to some of my friends and one day i dicovered it and i decided i really really did not want to live this way so i tryed to stop looking at what i liked about girls and i looked at what i liked about boys. It took a while but eventually i had my first crush (on a boy) at the beginning of the summer of 2010. The truth was i have always liked this one boy and i didn't know how to like another boy so i liked girls. know i can talk to my friends about boys and say 'I think he is sooooooooooooooooo cute!'

    • Ki

      You can't "choose" to stop being a homosexual. It is just like telling a heterosexual to choose to not like the opposite sex anymore. Doesn't work that way. You said that you were able to become heterosexual and that you chose to not be a lesbian anymore. I think it just means that you are bisexual. That's why you were attracted to both sexes.

    • me

      That’s ridiculous. Of course you don’t choose to become a lesbian, so how could you choose to become straight? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you are bisexual, and it’s not the rest of the world that’s confused? Why would anyone put themselves through the struggle of finding a partner, peer abuse and sometimes even parental disownment if they could just change? If you think something happened to you, that doesn’t mean it’s true or that it applies to the rest of the world.

  • Vanessa

    I'm really sorry but I have to dissagree with you. Being a lesbian is NOT a choice someone makes consciously. No one CHOOSES to go through life being ridiculed for who they are. Being gay is something your born with and you cant just turn it off.

  • Courtney

    I am Christian and my parents believe the same thing, they think homosexuality is wrong. I have not encountered this problem, but being a friendly Christian girl, this might help. I know you are attracted to your sister, obviously. And do you want to be lesbian? It's a choice that's up to you, but make the decision. If you do, I would recommend finding another girl you can like as a substitute. And if she is lesbian too, great! But if you don't want to be a lesbian, try thinking about a boy crush. Think of him in an intimate way often. That might change your mind, and also, see how great boys can be. Have you had sex yet? Think about sex with guys, it'll be a lot better 🙂

    • Mel

      having sex with a guy is only better if you are sexually attracted to guys

      if a girl is only sexually attracted to girls… sex with a guy will NOT be better at all.

      • Jessie

        I agree with Mel. If sex with boys is better their would be no lesbians. Sexual preferences vary from person to person.

    • Remirhymie

      You're… You're… the is the biggest pile of crap I've ever heard… I really hope that poor girl didn't read this bullcrap.

      Honey, I know you mean well, but don't talk about things you know nothing about.

    • me

      If it was possible to simply decide what your sexuality was, that would mean everyone in the world is bisexual, and I know for sure that I am straight as can beeee.

  • aelx123

    hasnt really happened to em but i still wish you the best. hope all of it works out and i do agree with Sara J. its a smart idea.luv ya peoples!!!!!!

    -aelx 🙂

    p.s. not literally luv ya

  • Sarah Johnson

    Hello, though i have once encountered this problem. The best way to fix your problem is to try to find a replacement friend who is somewhat similar to your sister ;i think you can take your mind of of being infatuated with your sis .

    But best wishes