My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years. We’re both 18 and lately he’s been wanting to have sex. He’s not pressuring me but it’s frustrating because he brings it up and I tell him the same thing every time: “I’m not ready.” He wants a better answer and I don’t know what to say. He’s my boyfriend and my best friend and I love him very much. I don’t want this to be what splits us up. What should I do?
Well, gURL, I can tell you what not to do, and that would be not to have sex before you’re ready. Yes, he’s your boyfriend and not some random guy you just met, but losing your virginity before you’re ready to do so is never a good idea.
You’ve been together for over two years, so clearly you love each other, which is great. But even though you say he’s not directly pressuring you to sleep with him, constantly bringing up sex and asking you for a “good answer” for why you’re not ready is, honestly, just as bad. I don’t doubt that he cares about you, but if he really cared, he’d be OK with you wanting to wait.
But you’re right. Sex is not worth losing a boyfriend or gURLfriend over. So before you lose him, take a step back and realize why you’re not ready for sex. Are you not ready to suffer the consequences if something goes wrong? Do you not know about the different types of protection? Are you practicing abstinence? Once you figure this out for yourself, you’ll be able to give your boyfriend a clearer answer as to why you’re not ready. And once you do that, he’ll stop asking and realize that he wants to be with you, with or without sex.
And also, keep in mind that it’s OK not to be ready for sex. You’ll know when you are ready to take that next step, and when that time comes, be happy in knowing that it was at the perfect time with your perfect person.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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