Some sexual positions are more difficult than others, and one, named for the infamous number that makes us giggle every time we hear it, led to a really awful experience for this gURL. She wrote in to askanexpert@gURL.com:
Let’s call him Alan. That’s not his real name, but it’s close enough to the kind of name that is usually reserved for used car salesmen (no offense). Our sex life was always bad, but because he was my first, I didn’t know any better. We didn’t do it often, and when we did, he refused to wear condoms and said they were painful which, I know now, is a lie from like 95% of the men who say it.
Anyway, Alan really wanted to try to 69. I didn’t. He was hairy. And butts have always repulsed me (again, no offense, but by butts, I do mean the anus), and I just couldn’t see the appeal. But then again, I didn’t want to be an unadventurous gURL who was contributing to a rather boring sex life. And so, one night, Alan and I decided to do it. Well, he decided. He just stripped off his tighty whities and shoved his entire area in my face while he started gnawing on my clit. I tried to play along, but that big hairy butthole in my face was so scary. I thought I was getting claustrophobic! He was heavy, I couldn’t pay attention to what was happening to me, and this hairy thing was just staring at me! Rude!
He was really getting off but stopped for a second to tell me to put it in my mouth. I went for it (was I a good sport or spineless?) and gagged immediately. So I kept rubbing him instead, and he asked, again, for me to do it. I just couldn’t. I started hyperventilating, which he thought was me enjoying it! I don’t know if it was 10 minutes or 10 seconds, but I finally whispered that I needed him to get off me. He did, immediately, and I couldn’t look at him the same ever again. We didn’t stay together much longer after that. That didn’t break us up, but it was obvious that Alan and I wanted really different things in life, and in the bedroom. I hope his wife likes his hairy anus!
It took me a long time to even consider trying 69 again, but now I know there are ways to do it that are pleasurable and don’t involve butt in the face.
Have you ever been in an awkward sexual position? How did you get out of it? Share your advice, below!