Reader Hookup Confession: I Couldn’t Stand 69ing!

Not for everyone!

Some sexual positions are more difficult than others, and one, named for the infamous number that makes us giggle every time we hear it, led to a really awful experience for this gURL. She wrote in to

Let’s call him Alan. That’s not his real name, but it’s close enough to the kind of name that is usually reserved for used car salesmen (no offense).  Our sex life was always bad, but because he was my first, I didn’t know any better. We didn’t do it often, and when we did, he refused to wear condoms and said they were painful which, I know now, is a lie from like 95% of the men who say it.

Anyway, Alan really wanted to try to 69. I didn’t. He was hairy. And butts have always repulsed me (again, no offense, but by butts, I do mean the anus), and I just couldn’t see the appeal. But then again, I didn’t want to be an unadventurous gURL who was contributing to a rather boring sex life. And so, one night, Alan and I decided to do it. Well, he decided. He just stripped off his tighty whities and shoved his entire area in my face while he started gnawing on my clit. I tried to play along, but that big hairy butthole in my face was so scary. I thought I was getting claustrophobic! He was heavy, I couldn’t pay attention to what was happening to me, and this hairy thing was just staring at me! Rude!

He was really getting off but stopped for a second to tell me to put it in my mouth. I went for it (was I a good sport or spineless?) and gagged immediately. So I kept rubbing him instead, and he asked, again, for me to do it. I just couldn’t. I started hyperventilating, which he thought was me enjoying it! I don’t know if it was 10 minutes or 10 seconds, but I finally whispered that I needed him to get off me. He did, immediately, and I couldn’t look at him the same ever again. We didn’t stay together much longer after that. That didn’t break us up, but it was obvious that Alan and I wanted really different things in life, and in the bedroom. I hope his wife likes his hairy anus!

It took me a long time to even consider trying 69 again, but now I know there are ways to do it that are pleasurable and don’t involve butt in the face.


Have you ever been in an awkward sexual position? How did you get out of it? Share your advice, below!

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Posted in: Confessions, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hookup Confessions, Love&Sex
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  • HonestMan

    Woman always on top for 69, a woman’s vagina and butthole are very appealing and intriguing to a Man, butthole shaved, medium to no hair on vagina (whatever you would consider too much hair on him is too much on you) it will keep him hard longer and if you ladies aren’t greedy let him play with everything you have, we love it. Any man who says otherwise is a liar, selfish, self-centered and boring in and out of bed or just isn’t really interested in you and doesn’t find you sexy. Move on.

  • Tiffanyy

    You should’ve been on top! It wouldn’t definietly solved your problems. Well except for sucking him off that is. Don’t let a guy pressure you into anything you don’t want to do, you need to know where to draw the line, and only YOU can know where to draw it! You’re perfectly normal not wanting to give blowjobs..I had a big aversion to them for the longest time, just because it seemed so intimidating!
    But personally, I did adjust and now I enjoy giving them to my boyfriend, but purely because he makes me comfortable.

    Remember to respect yourself<3

  • wolfgirl98

    what a creep! im so sorry

  • Sarah

    Yeahhhh,where I live 69’ing is the guy’s & girl’s genitals, not their bottoms…….. o.O The girl gives the guy a blow job and the guy gives the girl an eat out.

    • Crystal

      Yeah, the same here. Jayne – I feel really sorry for you, that must have been so awful!

  • Aleisha

    Yeahh your supposed to be on top that way you can control how deep you want it in your mouth. Lol probly wouldof been a lot better

  • Nicole

    The girl is supposed to be on top.
    like, wtf was he doing putting all that weight on you.
    and putting his butt in your face, when he probally knows its ugly.
    …people these days smh

    • Dani

      AHAHA right…

    • Celine

      HAHAHA! Funny. But true.

  • celia

    side by side works a little better.. haha

  • Deedee

    obviously, he was on top! what a crappy first time. he didn't know what he was doing, obviously!

  • Jackie Rodriquez

    listen. I'm not really understanding how is 'hairy anus' was in your face. The guy is supposed to be on bottom? Point blank

    • Well, he was on top in this situation….At least that's one guy who was willing to please the girl, too. Most of the guys I know are selfish, and want oral but won't return the favor.

      • nay nay

        That is so true..i cant stand how boys always want head but dont wanna give it…im a 50/50 girl…i wont be giving unless im recieving