is it OK to masturbate if i’m Christian and in an LDR? i feel so guilty!

dear heather,

My boyfriend is off at college this year and I miss him so much. We are both very strong Christians and don’t believe in having sex until marriage. Even though this is the case I still get horny, especially now that he is gone. I know it’s normal to feel this way but it’s so embarrassing because I don’t think any of my friends ever feel this way. I love reading about sex and masturbation and I’ve even tried actually masturbating. I just feel like such a freak after I do it. I need someone to tell me I am normal. Please, a 17-year-old girl should not have to feel so guilty.

Please don’t feel guilty! That may be easier said than done because you were raised to think that it’s wrong, but gURL, there is nothing wrong with being horny, touching yourself, pleasuring yourself, checking out other naked people…masturbating is such a normal and great thing. If you’re horny, masturbate!

|Read more about masturbation to get all the facts.|

Any dirtiness you might feel is totally normal too — isn’t that part of the fun of it? That it’s a moment of pure selfish indulgence? How is that any different from taking time to put on a face mask or sit in a bathtub for half an hour or read a book from cover to cover? I might add that those times are also great for masturbating!

|I helped another Christian gURL dealing with sexual guilt from her mom! Do you agree with my advice?|

I hope you see that there is no harm to yourself or other people by rubbing one out. And especially in a long distance relationship, I think keeping yourself sexually satisfied is extremely important.

take care,


What’s bothering you? Heather can help! Send her your question at

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex
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  • politcal discussion

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  • Kayla

    I am a Christian and am still dealing with masturbation and porn. I’m always trying to convince myself that it’s ok, asking on forms where I know I will not get a biblical response. I just didn’t want to admit that it might be sin. That “guilt” you feel is Gods gift, his spirit. I’m not judging you, just hoping that this will help you The Bible does’t discuss masturbation at all. This seems kinda odd since it is such a strong and prevalent human event. Nevertheless, as Christians we must be cautious to pronounce something to be sinful or not sinful when God has not discussed it. Therefore, we have to derive principles from scripture on related sexual issues and see if we can wisely apply them to the subject of masturbation. First of all, sex was created by God for procreative purposes, physical enjoyment, and the demonstration of intimacy between a husband and a wife. In this context, the sexual act is intended to occur in a healthy marriage relationship between husband and wife in purity and holiness. In contrast to this, masturbation is the self-stimulation to the point of sexual release without the gifting of a spouse. It would seem that masturbation is a denial of the sexual design of God, for couples. But, is it sinful? I can say this for sure. If masturbation involves sexual fantasies and/or pornography, then it is certainly not pure and is very sinful. The Bible clearly teaches that our minds are as important to God as our bodies are and that we are to remain pure in both. Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart,” (Matt. 5:27-28). Jesus is saying that thinking lustful thoughts is sinful. Therefore, masturbation involving sexual fantasies (at least not of one’s spouse) is undoubtedly sinful. The goal of the Christian life is to be pure in thought and deed. I believe that the issue of masturbation comes down to this. I believe that though masturbation under certain circumstances may not be sinful, the desire to be sexual pure and holy should move the Christian to avoid it. Instead, he or she should seek to master the body and not give into its desires. Giving in to masturbation can have spiritual consequences and mastering the body can bring great spiritual benefit. I misused the act and become enslaved by it. I can’t tell you what you should do personally, but it is clear what God expects of me and my purity. I hope this can help some

  • Mitchel

    ermm hellow 🙂 i’ve read the comments above and well, just to let u know, ive had the very very similar situation that u’re going thru rite now. VERY SIMILAR. well, my boyfriend is also a christian and well, being in a LDR, it’s normal to have a desire to masturbate. if u feel guilty after u masturbate, pray to God and repent =) u can tell him almost everytg and anytg ! if u really get horny and u want to masturbate pray to God and ask Him to help you get over ur hornyness and be in control of urself 🙂

    god bless !

  • Leila

    I am a Christian and here’s my stance:
    God created sexuality, both the act of sex and the feelings that go with it. God also LOVES his children and wants them to make the best choices possible. If masturbating keeps you from making a bad decision, like having sex with random person because you need the stimulation, and is not taking control of your life/hurting you or anyone else in any way, then I say it’s perfectly fine.
    My friend, who is also Christian, says that when she touches herself, she imagines that it is her husband touching her on her wedding night (she does not picture a face because only God knows who that man is). This way, she has an effective outlet for her desires while still honoring her future spouse and God’s hope that she will save her virginity for him.

  • Katie Jones

    Do not feel guilty.. But I strongly advise you do not masturbate. By masturbating, you’re taking the love out of the pleasure. It’s all you, and it’s completely selfish. Do you love your boyfriend? Are you abstaining for him and all the perks of not worrying about getting pregnant or any STDs? Or are you doing it because you love God and want to honor Him with your body? I hope it’s for the second; masturbation is worse than premarital sex. Think about it. Why do you think God created sex? To produce life. He loves you, so He made mating pleasurable. I’m no Bible-beater and I really don’t want to make you feel guilty. I’ve been in this situation. That’s why I’m passionate about this. I’m the president of the chastity club at my high school. Really.. Truly.. Honestly.. Seriously.. Don’t masturbate. It will tear your heart to shreds in the long run. Please, email me if you want to talk more.

    Your sister in Christ,

    • kris

      That’s complete lies. Premarital sex is million times worse thab masturbation. I know form first hand experience. I’m an atheist who has become a born again christian. If you can find the person to marry before having sex, marry in a church, you’ve got a gift from god. Everything else is infidelity and paranoia, it’s a hell. I’m in awe of the christian way

    • Kidblack

      I lyk ur article, am also one of thoz who abstain for the sake of the kingdom of God, waiting for the right time & the right one, bt smtimes masturbation knocks me down…help me 2 stay strong!

  • Princess.B

    Your not the only girl your age to feel horny, and I'm sure your friends have felt the same way too. Its nothing to feel guilty about, it's totally natural and normal.

  • Jamilah

    Hey girl,

    I'm an 18 year old college student and I'm christian as well. And, coming from a religious and biological stand point, there's nothing wrong with masturbation. God created us as MALE and FEMALE, you're designed to be sexual sweetheart. Sexuality and spirituality are not separate from eachother or from God. God invented sex and sexual feelings, denying that you have sexual needs is denying a God-Created part of yourself.Your body is not MAGICAL, you can't just turn off your hormones for now and turn them back on after you get married. And admittedly, espcially in college, thats inconvenient but true. I, too, love erotic lit as long as the sex is a reasonable part of the plot of the story(but your 14 so maybe you should hold off on the erotica until your a smidegen older). And, Babe, Of course your friends get horny. And yeah, they may even feel guilty afterward. As for Pornography, from a strictly Christian stance is No bueno. I mean, yes porn is good, VERY good lol but spiritually it can be bad. Remember, sex is supposed to be a unifying and beautiful act that brings a Woman and her husband closer together, it is apart of God's special plan for Women and Men to share and for that reason there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex as long as its not cheap and empty. But, as far a masturbation is concerned, all i can ask is that you be responsible. Do not masturbate with anything that could harm your body and wash your before (your hands touch alot of things during the day and the vagina, though tough, is sensetive). And if it makes you feel any better, I masturabated every night, sometimes several times a night, until i was 11. lol Yes, I am still a virgin and I LOVE LOVE LOVE sex. and I simply can't wait to fall in like and love with that one special, God-given man and give myself to him fully.

    Be safe, My Dear.


  • Maddy

    Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy thing. There is nothing wrong with it, I don't see what the problem is, because there is nothing wrong with pleasing yourself as long as you don't hurt anybody. If God loves us, then he should love us no matter our sexual orientation or sexual experiences as long as we don't hurt anyone else doing it.

  • nybrokenheartedgurl

    DON'T feel guilty.

    I know other people have been telling you this. But hell, I was raised a MORMON, (Now, Southern Baptist)..but not too religious. Anyways, I was raised to think TANK TOPS were evil. Eventually, I realized "Hey, I like tank tops on a hot summer day." You know? Sometimes, life is making decisions for yourself, and you just have to decide if you really want to feel guilty doing something that is NOT sex instead of actually having it.

    Well, I hope I shed some light on your issue:)

  • Sherilyn


    Masterbating is not good, Im christian and I know that God does not like this kind of action in us. Masterbating is just dirty and Jesus died for our sins to clean us from bad stuff that contaminates us and this is one of them. We christians have to give a real testimony of who Jesus really is. Jesus loves us and wants the best for us, He teaches us everyday to be pure. And about having sex, the truth is that we have to get married and then discover the beauty of sex the way God whats it to be. The bible says: 22Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2: 22) I masterbated when I did'nt know God and when I accepted him in my life He changed me. I also know that when you masterbate disgusting things come to mind and we are meant to think about all the good things that God provides us everyday.I know you can do it and God does too. God bless you always!I hope this could free your mind! If you have trouble on letting go this habit call on God, He wil give you strength as he did with me.

    • Julia

      uhmm Sherilyn? leave. Why are you on this website if you believe such things?! this website is about asking questions and feeling comfortable about yourself, not pushing your "beliefs on someone" (thats right i do not believe in God, sorry.) are you honestly going to tell me youve NEVER gotton horny? Wow. This is human nature. Not everyone is a saint. I bet your parents have maturbated tons of times! HAH gave you a gross mental image now. >:D Anyways, go to some other website for up tight christan girls who dont even know what their body looks like because "god says this is a sin".

      (sorry for anyone else ive offended, but these things just get me SO mad….)

  • please, don't feel like a freak. you're stressing yourself for absolutely no reason. :] life's too short to stress about something like this. it's perfectly healthy to feel the way you do. especially if you have a boyfriend that excites you. hell, i've never really had a serious relationship and i masturbate XD at least you have the excuse of being turned on by your hot boyfriend. what? are you going to ask him to not be so fucking gorgeous?… lols i didn't think so. and masturbating while he's away will help you stay loyal to him …not that you would stray… but it helps stave off any possible urges that might come along. i understand what you're going through, being ….sorta… christian myself. its okay for you & your bf to hold to your values. be proud of that but don't let religion get you down. you're only human. supressing something as natural to the world as masturbation is a crime. its satisfying and is actually extremely healthy for all of us to do :] and actually helps your overall physical and mental well-being! don't be afraid!! after all, god forgives us for our imperfections, right? we can't all be jesus christ. and if you think your friends don't feel the way you do, honey! just ask em! i bet you'll get a totally different story… if that's not the case GIRL! there is something wrong with them cause you are not alone in the world! don't be afraid to talk to your girlfriends. you're all going through the same things and trust me you'll need them just as much as you'll need to lean on your bf and your family. cause there are some things you just can't go to your family with.

    hope this all helps.

    if you need any more advice i have a twitter & a tumblr

    you're very welcome, i was happy to help!

    good luck!

    Peace and Love,

    Audrey, 21, New Jersey

  • Molly

    I use to feel dirty for looking at porn and masterbating when I was younger and ocasionally still do, I'm 19 now. But really I see nothing wrong with it. It's the way I've stayed a virgin this long. You shouldn't feel bad about it. And you are deffinately don't the only one who masterbates. Just because your friends don't talk about it doesn't mean they don't do it and even if they say hey don't it doesn't mean it's true. I'm sure they're just embarrassed and feel like they might be dirty just like you feel. But more importantly it doesn't matter if your friends do or not. It's your life and you shouldn't live it by anyone's standards but your own.