Reader Hookup Confession: I Planned on Waiting for Marriage But…

Be yourself on your wedding day!

So, what’s it like to lose your virginity? One anonymous reader confessed:

I held off for a really long time before I had sex. I was with my boyfriend at the time (now ex) for two years before I had sex with him. I was waiting “until marriage”, but then something snapped and I was like, What the hell am I thinking? I don’t know how I knew I was ready, I just felt ready. We went out to dinner for our two year anniversary, and then I was like, “Let’s go buy condoms”, so we did. It didn’t hurt at all, I’ve never bled, and it’s been almost two years since I started having sex. Keep in mind though, my ex was NOT well-endowed at all, not like it matters, but that may have had something to do with it not hurting/bleeding.

A word of advice, don’t plan it. Make it spontaneous. That way, you won’t be able to build up nervousness about it. Just make sure you have what you need beforehand, i.e. condoms, the pill, etc. And then just let it happen. (:

Agree with her tips for first timers? Would you add anything?

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Posted in: Birth Control, Confessions, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Hookup Confessions, Love&Sex, Relationships, Virginity
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  • thatgurl.

    I don’t think I’m ready,I’ve had a boyfriend for over a year now and we are both 16 and have never had sex. I really love him. We have talked about sex before and expressed our worries. I’m afraid that my family and some of friends would be disappointed in me :/ I just feel like I need to express myself but for me I don’t really know who I can talk to. Its a tough subject too. I have so many questions.. I just feel unsure about everything when it comes to sex and yet I feel like its what I want sometimes. I feel like there’s a lot of risk. I used to think eww sex is gross I would never do that! its crazy how things change. I have confusing feelings. Ugh. :/

  • feminazi

    Um my fiance is quite well-endowed especially in comparison to how small I am and I most definitely did not bleed. It didn’t hurt, but it certainly stung in the way that stretching skin and new muscles can. Having sex doesn’t make you less of a person. It doesn’t make you any less pure. As long as you are practicing good sex health decisions (getting your vagina checked out by your doctor, using contraceptives if you aren’t ready for a pregnancy, using protection to prevent STI’s) then you’re not doing anything wrong. Want a one night stand with some hot guy you just met? That’s ok too. As long as it’s consensual and safe it doesn’t have to be viewed as a mistake. Don’t let someone else make decisions about YOUR body and YOUR feelings. I believe it’s important to share sex with only my fiance, but I would never, and will never, ask anyone else to make similar decisions. Do what feels best for you. If someone tries to punish you with shame and guilt, do not fall for it. It’s just a manipulation exercise. Sexuality is important to acknowledge; don’t be ignorant.

  • Kate

    When I lost my virginity, it was totally spontaneous as well. I had been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I knew I was ready, but I was unsure about whether I should wait until college. Then one day after school on a rainy day, when we were alone he looked at me and I just knew I was ready. Everyone’s first time should include that emotional clarity.

  • Angela

    I didn’t want to wait for marriage, but I knew I wanted to wait awhile until I had sex with my first boyfriend. We were both virgins and one day after school when his parents weren’t home it just happened. We were fooling around and then he took off his jeans and kind of forced me into it. I was too scared to say no… At the time it was a mistake, but now we’re really happy and we’ve moved on from that moment. We were only dating for three months when it happened I had told him I wanted to wait a year. We’ve been dating for two years and I think our experience brought us closer. After we lost our virginity together I felt like we bonded, but I also worried that he’d pressure me again. He didn’t, and I am glad we are still together. After nearly two years of practice he’s amazing in bed now! 😉

  • A. C.

    I had no access to birth control but I wanted sex. I had no guy I liked but I wanted sex. I got a P.O. Box. I got a couple of models of dildos sent to the P.O. Box for discretion. When I could get time and privacy I used them. No bleeding or discomfort because I was able to get well aroused with my own natural moisture and my imagination. Sometimes KY Jelly was needed. Not a non-virgin yet but yet a virgin informed. I am a strong proponent of female masturbation. It’s healthy and clean when a girls just gotta get laid at a moments notice. When I find the right guy I will know and get the real thing. It will be nice to be cuddled and held in afterglow with a real partner. Sometimes one never finds anybody worthy of oneself to be a true sex partner and that’s ok. A girl can get it when she wants it – no significant other needed – that’s ok…

  • Daley

    I agree, spontanity is a good idea. My first time was not spontanious, but had been planned. I was so nervous, and everything. Being nervous made it really difficult and I bled alot, for several hours. I think that had I not been quite so nervous and it had been less planned it would have been a better first experience. (It may have been that he was a little bit more well endowed as well). I think you really don't have to wait until marriage. Just until you know you are ready. And you will know when that is.

    • Billy

      same, I was so freaked out that I bled a ton

  • Kris

    I have thought a lot about having sex before marriage, but my religion says it's a sin… i'm afraid of being cast from my family or something if they find out…. not that it's that serious if i did though… i'm afraid it is going to hurt me though… i'm 14 but i dont wanna become a hoe… i feel like i wanna do it, but i'm scared im not ready… sometimes i feel like i wanna do NOW and then i think that i may regret it… oppinion?

    • Isabella

      If you aren't absolutely confident that you're ready. You're not ready. When it's the right time, you'll know. Good luck.

      • Elephant

        but the problem with that is some 12-13 year olds hyped up on hormones could think their “ready” and make a huge mistake

    • Becki

      In my opinion having sex should be something your comfortable with and are ready for. i’m not trying to bash your religion or anything, but if you feel like your truly ready for sex and are with someone you can trust (and you should also have protection as well) then go for it, you shouldn’t care what others think and believe all that matters is what you think. Also, some people say it hurts their first time, others don’t feel a thing, its different for everyone.

      hope that helps

      • lalamua

        i think u should wait, because ur only 14 years old, and u cant even buy: pills,condoms,ect,ect. Well at least in my country u cant buy those things until u are 18 years old :S soo if i we’re you, i wait those 4 years :DD and i think YOU ARE NOT READY!! i mean, ur just 14 years old 😉 i had a stepsister and she lost her virginity wen she was 12 years old, i was like WTF!?!? and she told me that she regret it, cuz her “boyfriend” totally triked her (her boyfriend was 15 and she was 12) soo, in ur age, you will have a boyfriend wt i dont know.. 15,16,17… years and in this time boys, all they want is sex,sex and more sex and if you had an accident, if the condom broke or something, you will get pregnant, and let me tell you, you are going to ruin your life for ever :S i hope u take this in the right way, is just a advice girl 😉

    • Kalyn

      my religion is the same way….i WANT to wait to marriage but i also want to do it now somtimes to but ik ill regret it ad i also now im ready but im sticking with my religion…… no one should call u a hoe if u do decide if u do it once or cuz one of my friends sayed its addicting she does it with her bf of 4 yrs long as u do it with the same guy instead of goin from guy to guy so if u do do it chose wisely on who its with!!!

    • Billy

      I did it when I was 14. it hurt, yes, but I thought I loved the guy and honestly I don’t think I am hoe and I don’t regret it. I am not religious, but my parents were very upset.

      • tinygurl

        I was 12, well nearly. It didnt hurt because the guy who was a lot older knew what he was doing. It just felt awkward because I didnt know anything. The smells and odours, being naked, at 12 not knowing how or what he would think of your body, then being eaten out not knowing if he would like your smell, how to respond appropriately without lookin like an idiot, how not to seem scared and worried, getting wet and messy and not knowing what to do. Those were some of my preoccupations. Thank heavens he was older and handled all that so nicely. He made me so comfortable and was very attentive and gentle.I was still confused and moody after losing my virginity.