I’m Christian — most of the time — and yet, horribly sexual. I have cyber-sex with strangers on the Internet, masturbate, and read some really… kinky erotic lit. It makes me feel awful afterwards, and though I know the idea is that ‘sexual stimulation isn’t wrong’ my personal beliefs are that it is. For me, at least. I feel so dirty afterwards. What should I do to stop, cold turkey? I keep telling myself I’ll stop but then one of my online sex partners will talk to me and we’ll get going and I just can’t help myself!
I don’t care what your religion is — Christian, Buddhist, Jewish whatever — there is NOTHING WRONG with what you are doing. NOTHING. So why are you letting a prescribed set of beliefs infiltrate your personal ones?
You’re 14! That’s exactly the time when you should be questioning who you are, what you want to be, and what you believe. And in this case, it seems like your religion needs to be more flexible to your needs and not the other way around. If you were engaging in morally wrong acts, I’d have a different answer for you. But, I think your sex drive sounds healthy and responsible and that you are safely exploring it as any 14-year-old can and should.
Have cyber sex (safely? please? no webcams, not with older people, anonymously, etc.)! Masturbate! Getting in touch with your sexuality is an important part of finding out who you are. While not every gURL goes through it the way you do, it’s normal and healthy.
If you still feel dirty, then maybe it’s not for you! While I believe that it’s OK to feed your healthy sexual appetite in a safe and responsible way, you may still be struggling. Cold turkey is a way to stop. Find something better to occupy your mind. Hang out with your friends more (make it hard to be alone!), indulge in TV, pick up a book, get into your sport, etc. Your hormones will naturally calm down soon and you won’t feel the need to get off as often.
But did you know that the Bible does not actually address masturbation directly? In fact, it appears that much of the religious opposition to masturbation is based on an interpretation of a biblical passage about a man named Onan who used the withdrawal method to prevent pregnancy. Nevertheless, many contemporary religions still teach that masturbation (or any other sexual activity outside of marriage) is wrong. In reality, this is really just a matter of personal conviction, as there is no scientific evidence that masturbation is harmful.
But I will leave you with a Bible quote that may help, from Phil 4:8:
Finally, [sisters], whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
What’s bothering you? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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