my adoptive parents won’t let me meet my biological mother

we're wondering if angie will let her adopted kids meet their biological parents one day?

dear heather,
I’m adopted and I really want to meet my biological mother but my parents don’t approve. I don’t want this to be a huge deal, but I don’t see why this isn’t my choice. What should I do?

The first question I’m going to pose to you is a very important one — are you over 18? If you’re not, you probably won’t even be able to meet your biological parents until you become legal. Often in adoption agreements, it is noted that the adopted child cannot reach out to their biological parents until they become of age. So, as much as you may want to meet your birth mother now, you unfortunately can’t do anything about it until your 18th birthday.

|Ashley from 16 & Pregnant put her baby up for adoption. Read her story here!|

But if you are at least 18? That’s another story. It’s important that you talk to your parents about why you want to meet your birth mom. It may be helpful to formulate a list in your head or on a piece of paper of why you wish to meet her. Do you want to know what she looks like? Do you want to know why she gave you up as a baby? Do you want to know about any specific health issues on her side of the family (This could be a good bargaining chip with your parents.). Gathering your thoughts will make the actual talk with your parents a lot easier. If you come to them as an adult with a really mature approach to the whole thing, they’re more likely to hear you out and let you meet her.

|Could you handle putting your baby up for adoption? Discuss!|

However, you also need to be sensitive to your parents’ feelings. They could feel threatened by your birth mom, and may feel as if you’ll become attached to her. Make it clear that that is not the case, and that they are and always will be the parents that you know and love.

And if after all that your parents still aren’t open to the idea of you meeting your biological mother? It’s OK to enlist help from a trusted adult at school, like a teacher or a guidance counselor. They can put you in touch with an adoption specialist or you can connect with other adopted gURLs for advice and support. Good luck!

take care,

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Posted in: Being Different, Family, Help Me Heather
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  • Matt

    I gave up my parental rights so her grandfather could get custody of her.
    He lost his rights when she was 12 and she was put into foster care. I’ve been keeping in contact with her on Facebook. She will turn 17 in a few days and her and she was adopted a few months ago. Her adopted parents don’t want me to talk to her any more and said that I can be put in jail if I do.
    My question is, can I be put in jail for talking to her?