i have genital herpes! but i can’t tell my boyfriend!

dear heather,
i found out recently i have genital herpes…i haven’t gone to the doctor because i don’t know where to go…i have a boyfriend right now and he doesn’t know i have it…we haven’t been sexually active but i’m afraid to tell him because i don’t want to loose him….PLEASE HELP ME…i don’t have anyone else to talk to about this…

I can definitely understand why you are afraid to tell your boyfriend that you have herpes. Not only is it uncomfortable for you, but you also do run the risk of that little bit of news changing the way he feels about you. So many people with STDs have to go through this and it’s really tough!

Bottom line: You can’t let your fear stop you from harming him. If you care about him in the slightest, you’ll sit him down and let him know the facts about Herpes and how it can be transmitted and treated. Finish up by letting him know that you hope it doesn’t change the way he feels about you but if it does, you understand.

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If he leaves, it’s a major bummer, but honestly, gURL, it’s for the better. The right guy for you will love you for who you are and will help you learn the symptoms, track them, and take the risk if the time is right. If there’s an upside to Herpes, and this is a stretch, it’s that you will forever more get to filter a lot of bad dudes out of your life.

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Please tell your parents and get treated immediately by a gynecologist. If you can’t tell them, though you should, you can look up local clinics in your town. Bring a friend along with you. No boy will stick around if you’re letting the disease go uncontrolled.

take care,

Have you had to tell somemone you have an STD? What was that like?

What’s troubling you? Let me help! Send your questions to heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Body Issues, Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, STDs & STIs
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  • Doll Mangan

    I had herpes around seven years back, when I was in college and had a stupid one-night stand. I suppose many of girls will say this but believe me I never did that sort of thing. I jus made a mistake that one time and, suddenly, it seemed like I was going to have to live with the problem for the rest of my life.

    The awful part was feeling I could never date men again. After all, who wants to go out with a girl who has blisters around her you-know-what?

    But after someone share this video https://tr.im/HerpesTreatments1015x , everything has changed. Not only was I able to get rid of all traces of the herpes virus from my system in less than 20 days, but I was also able to start dating again. I even met my soul mate and I’m so happy to write that just last week, in front of everyone in a crowded restaurant, he got down on one knee and proposed to me! This program offered me the chance to be happy again, and to experience true love.

  • Christina

    I told my boyfriend that I had herpes before we started “being serious” because I felt the need to inform him that I was “infected”. It was the scariest thing I have ever done but it turned out to be the best. I was afraid that he would leave me but he didn’t. He started asking questions about herpes and what he could do to make me feel better about it. He told me that he was willing to take the risk for me. We asked the people of the internet and found out that 1 out 4 women was infected with herpes. We are still together and I have never been insecure about herpes since. My advice to girls who has this problem is to get it overwith and remember “If there’s an upside to Herpes, and this is a stretch, it’s that you will forever more get to filter a lot of bad dudes out of your life.” If he accepts you he is a keeper if not stay away. One thing that I have learned is that herpes is not that bad. It is not lifethreatning and the only thing you need is to believe in yourself and your boyfriend. Christina (Denmark)

  • just tell him the truth even though it might hurt if he love u would exept it

  • lashanda

    well if he realy like u or love as he said he does if he told he did then there shouldn't be any problem with. and while your telling ask him think of it as if you were in the situation adn u have aids would tell me or not tell if u realyy love me or care me as much as u say u do ten u will under satnd why im tellin u and because i don't want to lose u because of some stupid herpies if that's the case then we shouldn't be togther if ur starting to have second thoughts bout being with me or n love with me.