the guy i like is a total bad boy, and i’m a goody-goody. should i go for him anyway?

Dear Heather,
So I met this guy a couple of days ago and we talked for like a half hour and flirted and he was really nice. Then we texted for a little bit and he added me on facebook. Yes, I know, facebook is facebook and cannot always be trusted but I did notice that he was commenting on a lot of girl’s pictures and statuses and flirting with them. He told me he wasn’t a player but had a lot of girl friends that he considered just friends. Then as we talked more I found out he smokes, and has had sex and drives a motorcycle. None of these things bother me a lot but I’m a little wary. I mean, I’ve never had a serious boyfriend so I feel very inexperienced. Plus, I’m a total goody-goody, I’ve never gotten in any form of trouble. So I don’t know what to do. I know my parents would totally disapprove but still. Should I go
out with him or just stop before anything does start?

It’s seems like the more you learn about this guy, the worse he sounds. If he’s writing all of girls profiles and pictures on Facebook, imagine what his inbox must look like! If his wall posts sound more serious than fleetingly friendly posts, be weary (good: “Hey, what’s up, how are you?” bad: “Girl, you look SO SEXY in this pic. HOT!”).

| this gURL’s bad boy boyfriend dumped her after two weeks, and left her devastated. what should she do? |

Rebellious guys have a certain appeal, and the fact that your parents would disapprove might make him sound even more tempting. But make sure you think about whether you want to go out with him because he sounds great or because he’s everything you’re not (into sex, into smoking, into riding motorcycles).

Unless you absolutely cannot get him out of your mind, move on. If you can’t stop thinking about him, approach with caution. Go ahead and hang out with him to see if he’s as great as you think he might be, but don’t get into any situations where you might do more than you want (that goes for everything from sex to drugs, drinking to motorcycles).

| this gURL’s boyfriend smoked tons of pot… and lied to her face about it! do you agree with my advice? |

Lastly, remember there’s nothing wrong with being a goody-goody. People go through life experiences at different times in their lives, and not drinking or smoking or having sex might not be right for you right now.

take care,
heather

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Janet

    He smokes, has had sex and rides a motorcycle? Oh no! Lower him into a pit! He isn't fit to be a part of society!

    In the grand scheme of things, none of those are an indicator of his moral fiber. So he smokes – do you eat unhealthy? He has had sex before – do you plan on ever having sex? He rides a motorcycle – I highly doubt that it was given to him by the king of the underworld himself. It's just a different mode of transportation. None of these things really spell out "bad boy", unless you feed into those kinds of old, 'After School Special' stereotypes.

    ARE you a "goody-goody"? I don't know. Everyone has a different opinion on what a "goody-goody" really is. To someone else, you might seem like some seriously bad news. Is he really a "bad boy"? Maybe, maybe not. It's important to not judge a book by it's cover.

    Now, I WOULD be a little wary over the comments to other girls. How a guy conducts himself when he is single is important. It shows his true character.

    Just talk to him. Get to know him – but I wouldn't start having expectations concerning a "relationship". Take things one step at a time. Being friends is a pretty good start.