gross! my roommate has sex when i’m in the room

I haven’t had my first boyfriend yet… and I’m 21. One of my roommates has a boyfriend of just a few months and they are already having sex. I don’t know what to do. I can hear them and it makes me mad, sad, deep down a little jealous and all these different feelings just come to the surface. I’ve tried talking to her about giving me warning when they are going to get hot and heavy but I just feel like there is something off about the relationship. They don’t even say “I love you.” Am I just being a prude? Am I different for not having a serious relationship yet? What can I do about my feelings? What can I expect with their relationship?

It’s totally normal that hearing your roommate and her boyfriend going at it makes some serious feelings arise. It’s pretty inconsiderate on her part, no matter what stage her relationship is in. You shouldn’t have to put earplugs on every time he comes over, so definitely mention it to her. She doesn’t have to listen to  you, of course, but there’s a good chance she’ll be a little more careful in the future.

| Friends are the best things, and sometimes, the worst. Vent and get more friends here! |

If nothing changes, and you still hear the bed banging just as loud, keep your headphones on hand and pretend like it’s tuning out anything else. Some girls have roommates who talk on the phone all night, other girls have roommates who blare the TV around the clock –for these situations and yours,  sound-canceling earphones are your friend.

As for the second part of your question, a relationship is between two people and it really isn’t for anyone else to judge. You don’t know how they act when you aren’t in the room. As crazy as it may sound, some people show their love with sex. Some people have sex without even knowing what love is. Sometimes it’s easier to show love through physical ways instead of emotional ways. It’s really impossible to know what goes on when they’re alone. The best you can do is observe and learn from your roommate’s relationship, and decide what kind of boyfriend you might want in the future.

Unless you and your roommate are best friends (and even if you are…), criticizing her relationship can really sour a living situation (or ruin a friendship).

take care,

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Posted in: Being Different, Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Janet

    First, I would have a very serious talk with her about it. If she is too inconsiderate (and disgusting) to comply, I would then make it my mission in life to transform their lovemaking sessions into an awkward and embarrassing situation.

    She's comfortable having sex with you in the room? Engage her in conversation while they're doing the deed. If she doesn't respond, I would just keep on talking. Loudly. Possibly to him, too.

    Ask her how your new outfit looks. Ask him about his job. Gossip. Offer them nachos.

    Pretend that they aren't even having sex.

    Banging pots and pans isn't a bad idea, either.

    • Kat

      THIS is good advice! You're a smart girl Janet!

  • WOW. that is so inconsiderate of ur roommate and gross why would she think you would be okay with being in the room while there doing that!

  • rosey

    wow gURL… thats really crazy. you dont have to deal with this. if you guys are roomates,you guys should totally set boundaries or something. hearing somebody have sex is beyond disgusting and if you dont confront her now it might just get worse.