ask Tegan & Sara: how do i know i’m gay?

we know, we know, we know, they're amazing

Tegan & Sara rock. It’s pure and simple. So does their advice! And today, it’s no different.

gURL editors, including Heather, get this question all the time, but the thing is, none of us are actually gay, so we only hear from other people!  So why not get the opinion of two lesbians who have done their share of soul searching (just read the lyrics of their poetic songs and you’ll get a glimpse into their beautiful brains).

I think I might be gay, how can I know for sure?
– Jane

Hey Jane!

I think for most gay people you just know. For me specifically I dated boys for a long time but it wasn’t until I dated a girl that I knew that I liked girls way more than boys. I had always had crushes on my girl friends but had never thought to kiss them or date them.

As I got into my teens, my crushes got more and more intense. That’s when I knew I might be gay. I think it’s important to experiment and to talk about how you feel. Don’t put pressure on yourself to know one way or another.

Good luck.

-Tegan & Sara

Are you unsure about your sexual preference? Are you open to experiment? Give us your answer by leaving a comment below! Tegan and Sara will be back tomorrow with more answers to more questions! Want yours answered? Leave a question in the comments here!

and P.S. don’t forget to catch up on all of Tegan and Sara’s hits on The Complete Recollection available on iTunes.


more ways to get gURLy:

Posted in: Ask an Expert, Health, Sex & Relationships, Relationships
Tags: , ,
  • amber

    I have a crush on one of u but ur both beautiful! Im a huge fan.

  • amber

    Hey tegan and sara, i feel like i am gay but, how do i know for sure.btw i feel it in my bones is a really good song, i luv ur music!

  • lena

    i freaking love tegan and sara.

  • Xxprefer not to sayx

    Hey,omg omg i've just known my crush (who told me she's gay) got a bf!!i know,i was like what the ****? i mean i'm kinda mad but i so don't like her no more for lying 'bout her sexuality,it's not like i'm not talkin' to her anymore but ughhhhh,whatever!!

    anywayz 2moro is my BFF's bday and students day around here,so i'm planning to tell her i'm bi 'n even may be i like her too!but not on her bday i mean,the day after so pleaaaaase i just need some advice 'cause i'm still not sure 'bout it

    thanks a looooooooot!!!!!!! =P

  • Xxprefer not to sayx

    hey,i've been thinkin' 'bout this a LOT! and i've realized i'm bi,but like 70-85% in2 girlz and the rest into boys,the issue is, i live in a community that doesn't accept such stuff and i'm muslim,so i sure can't tell my family 'cause they even might hate me for it!!i've got this huge crush on a girl (she's gay!!)she's 17 and i'm 14 i've got twin friends (they're bi as well) and she's their older sista,i can't get her off of my mind i couldn't sleep till 1 a.m. yesterday thinkin' of her,i guess she likes me too 'cause yesterday we had a party at school and she danced with me!!!!!we've got so many stuff in common,we're both emo and our favorite rock star is adam lambert…etc other stuff too

    the other thing is i've got another crush,the worst thing is,she's my BFF!!i haven't told her i'm bi but i'm planning to tell her next week (may be this sunday) but i just need an advice 'bout the whole thing,i know she'd accept me 'cause i've asked her a couple times if she's got a problem with gay ppl she always said no,help!!

    -yu can call me G

  • Katie

    I've always known I like girls – since I was five 😀

    I was in the choir in Primary school and there was this girl in the Senior choir ( like 18 years old-ish – college) at a show and I could not stop looking at her she was gorgeous, I can remember she had the sexiest pair of converse on – orange with musical notes on 😀

    I've always found women more attractive than men but I have never liked someone at my school so thats the bit I'm struggling with I've never been attracted to any girl where I live as in wanted to date them but I have checked them out ( I never check out men ) and all my celeb crushes are women, all of them and I've always known I like both but I'm not sure if it's just a fantasy kind of thing or I'm Bi or I'm gay??

    I've just turned 16 and in my last year of high school, I don't know how my family would react if I told them I was gay/Bi but honestly I couldn't care less if they don't like it, feck it !! ( They will just have to deal with it I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE)

    Tegan and Sara you are amazing and I'm a huge fan 🙂 any idea's of what I am ?? 😀 and I know you get this a lot but one of you is one of my celeb crushes, guess which one of you 😀

    Thank you so much for reading this, much love xxx

  • Shannon

    Well, the thing is… I have a crush on My best friend, but I don;t know what to do, i've necked a girl before, and her kiss was so tender, I really don't know how to label myself 🙁 x HELPP!!!

  • samantha green

    Tegan and Sara

    Okay so I have a really crazy kind of embarrassing question that a lot of straight girls that like you probably want to know! So i am for sure straight and  I would turn gay for yall in a heart beat and I just wanted to know if that would mean I was Bi? Haha!! I know you would never date me so technically I would never be gay right? Haa

    Thanks so much,

  • poprox

    Worst thing you can do is label yourself. Go be you, kiss whoever you fancy, date people, do whatever you like. I am in my twenties and I came to realize that I'm not gay but a human being. A woman who happens to prefer other women as opposed to men. Also, don't go around saying you're bi and all, it just sounds childish and lke you're trying to get attention from everybody.

  • Cassie Drake

    I've been Bi-Sexual since I was 9. However, I've always felt more attracted to girls yet I still think I'll marry a guy in the end, unless I meet Mrs. Right. My friends say I'm in denial, that I should just admit I'm gay but I honestly don't know what I am. I just love people no matter what their gender is. Why must I label myself?


    • n

      I know there's a lot of pressure to do so, but you don't need to label yourself!