I’m 16 and gay, and I’m not out yet. My mom’s really religious and believes that homosexuality is a sin, and every time she hears about or sees a gay person, she starts judging them, and if not out loud, you can still tell she’s judging them mentally. I’m positive that if I came out to her, she’d disown me, or else it would just ruin our whole relationship. What am I supposed to do? Lose her, or lose my own self?
It does sound like coming out to your mom might be hard. Even as things stand now, it can’t be easy hearing her criticize gay people, especially because you seem to be saying that you two have a decent relationship that’s worth protecting.You don’t really know how she’ll react if you tell her your own situation, however. Whatever her religious beliefs or her attitudes, the only way to find out is to talk to her. There’s a whole range of possible reactions she could have besides completely rejecting you.
I don’t necessarily recommend coming out to your mom right now. Sometimes it’s good to take your time and work on feeling more comfortable before sharing information about your sexual identity, especially with family members who might not be supportive.
But if you do decide to go ahead and talk to her, I suggest approaching the topic with an open mind and manner. Maybe tell her that you’ve been worried about what she’ll say but that you want to be honest. If she does get mad or chooses to lecture you, listen: That could be your best bet for winning her over because listening shows you have respect for what she has to say.
Religious beliefs can be very strong, as you may already have learned. On the other hand, it’s possible that your mom hasn’t known gay people personally, and that finding out about you might change her thinking slightly.
Whatever you decide to do, I recommend making sure you have some solid support for what you’re doing. Do your friends know you’re gay? Anyone else in your family? Support groups are great in situations where you’re not ready to tell anyone you’re close to.
You also might want to check out these resources.
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