10 sexual things to do that aren’t “sex.”

what feminist sex looks like

I loved talking about chastity and double standards with Therese Shechter and it got me thinking about technical virginity, which means not “going all the way”.  Virginity is in the eye of the beholder and there’s no agreement on what counts as “real sex”. So if there’s no such thing as virginity, then what’s the point of not having vaginal intercourse? There are actually lot of good reasons! Here are just a few:

  • a gURL might be gay or bi
  • there’s a lower risk of STIs and pregnancy (though ANY activity involving bodily fluids should also involve contraception)
  • penetrative sex can be painful
  • a lot of gURLs aren’t able to reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone (this is totally normal) and have an easier time doing so with other activities
  • a gURL is on her period may want to avoid the mess
  • it might just be fun to switch it up!

So what are some things you can do if you don’t want to jump into or partake in vaginal sex? Here are 10 sexual things to do that aren’t “sex.”

1. Groping/”petting” – Not ready to take the clothes off? “Petting” has been keeping hesitant teens busy since your granny’s time.

2. Mutual masturbationMasturbating next to your partner lets you share an intimate experience without exchanging bodily fluids that could lead to pregnancy or STIs.

3. Manual stimulation – Commonly known as “fingering” or “hand jobs” (depending on the anatomy being discussed), manual stimulation means using your hands to get your partner off.

4. Non-manual stimulation – You might also try stimulating your partner with your toes or feet. And elbows, knees, and whatever other body parts seem fun to play with.

5. Breast play – Did you know that the nipples are a major erogenous zone? Keeping it above the waist can be just as hot if you stimulate the breast area manually or orally. Busty girls might also try what Wikipedia calls “mammary intercourse”, which means sliding the penis between the breasts. Sometimes, this is simultaneously combined with oral sex (see below).

| No mater what their size, your boobs are hot! Read the boob files! |

6. Dry humping – Like regular humping, but without any penetration! This involves keeping the clothes ON and bodily fluids OFF. It’s “dry” humping after all. It can be tempting to try a game of Just The Tip, but if things are heading in the direction of vaginal sex, you need to put on the glove.

7. Scissoring – gURLs hooking up with other gURLs sometimes rub their genital areas against their partner’s. The male equivalent is known as “frotting.” Just make sure you’re both tested and clean before hand!

8. Oral sex – aka fellatio (giving head, blow job) or cunnilingus (eating out). And jsyk, STIs can also be transmitted through oral so you should use a dental dam or condom.

| Read Oral Sex Fast Facts and know what you’re talking about!  |

9. Anal sex – Knocking on the backdoor carries its own set of risks and shouldn’t be undertaken without protection or a lot of preliminary research to make sure it’s a comfortable process. Like vaginal intercourse, foreplay is a big component of keeping you turned on and loosened up.

| Get your research started on Anal Sex, with this quiz! Or just get the Fast Facts here. |

10. Sex toys – You can use dildos or vibrators to simulate the experience, without dealing with the risks of intercourse. These also come in handy when you want to be in more control. Just make sure you clean and care for your sex  toys — they’re going in your body after all!

| Should you use a vibrator before you have sex? Heather weighs in. |

Have questions? Share them below! Or, send them to me at askanexpert@gurl.com!!

Love,
Lena



Posted in: Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Virginity
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  • Nobody

    I think any sexual act bewteen the main sexual organs (Penis to Vagina), (Penis to Penis), or (Vagina to Vagina) counts as actual *Sex*.

    • Nobody

      Well… Anal sex might count…

  • bubbles

    does manual stimulation makes you a non-virgin?

  • niaBoo

    i know theres nothin wrong wit using a vibrator but i dont think i could use it lol i just isnt for me. i wouldnt mind just tryin it out for my guy but not just by myself

  • Scout-Fritzi

    I am bi curious, so I have nothing wrong with it, but I do agree with Bubby! You have a very good point there! =D

  • http://www.facebook.com/xNightmarexBarbiex Jackie

    I agree with Bubby. I'm bisexual though. Everything is already hard enough for me as it is because i get criticized about not being just straight or just lesbian. To me, everything that involves the genitals is sex. And honestly I had regular vaginal sex/whatever with a guy before trying many simpler ways of pleasure. I wish i would've done all the little things first before going straight to the sex.

    • Venus

      Ignore the ones who tell you to choose between sexes are whatever! That makes me sick, because you think that maybe they would accept you more, but please, there's no sense in trying to have someone else accept you. Just accept yourself!!!!

  • http://www.dear-eponine.tumblr.com Bubby

    So I wanna start off with the fact that I'm a lesbian*. And I want to say that I'm kind of offended that anal sex, oral sex, tribadism (scissoring), usage of sex toys, and mutual masterbation are on this list. Because I am quite sure if you ask any gay guy or gal about any of these things they will attest that they're all sex. I understand that these things are not all vagina+penis penetration, but that's not all that sex is, and with your title you are giving off the vibe that homosexual sex act are not sex acts at all.

    • Lena Chen

      Hey Bubby, I totally agree! That's why I wrote sex in quotation marks — because a lot of people may consider vaginal intercourse to be the only thing that "counts", but that's actually a really heteronormative mindset that ignores all the other sexual activities that can be just as satisfying and meaningful to the participants involved. Like I say in , there's no consensus about what "sex" is, and that's because "sex" is just a construct.