my parents have no idea i’m having sex

dear heather,
I recently started having sex with my friend with benefits, but everyone has no
idea. They still think I am a virgin, but in reality I am very sexually active. Do
you think that I should tell my family what I have been doing, or does it really not
matter if they know or not?

Having sex, whether it’s with a boy/gurlfriend, a friend with benefits or a complete stranger, is for most people a very private thing. Some gURLs choose to tell all their friends about their sexual escapades, whereas others like to keep things private. Depending on where you fall on the spectrum, that will help you figure out whether or not you should tell everyone in your life about your having sex.

Let’s think about your friends first. Why aren’t you telling them? Do you think they’ll judge you because you lost your virginity? Are you afraid they won’t like the guy you’re having sex with? It’s no fun if you feel like you have to keep your sex life a secret, but at the same time, it’s your life and your body, and you can choose to do so if you’re not comfortable telling them about it.

As for your family, I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with them. Do you generally have an open relationship? Most gURLs don’t get that detailed with their parents and even with siblings, it’s not that common.  You should definitely get them involved if/when you think something might be wrong– i.e. you missed your period, you have unusual cramping or pain, etc. Your mom especially can help you calm your nerves and figure out  if you’ll need to see a gynecologist.

But it’s totally OK to keep your sex life private. Truth is, your parents probably don’t want to know what you’re doing in your bedroom, the same way you don’t want to know what they’re doing in theirs. You don’t always have to kiss and tell, you know!

take care,

send in your questions for heather to oh and, do you tell everyone about your sexcapades? share with other gURLs below.

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Posted in: Family, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Virginity
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  • Kelly

    i agree w/Allison, if you can tell them face to face it would be better for you. Even if you cant tell your parents try your friends, if you have older ones see if they know any good clinics (outside of town if you live in a small area like i do) they could take you to to get checked out at that would keep it confidential if you have younger ones talking to them could help them if they are in the same situation by learing from you but if you dont tell anyone it may make it awkward later and more stressful

  • allison

    yess tell them ! u may be in need of going to the female doctor to check if u have any diseases or if your pregnant. you should break it to them in case something happens and they can get you the help you need but without them knowing then they couldnt help you and they won't know what to do. and also i think it is important to tell them because you have a relationship with them and you should be able to tell them anything. its being on the safe side telling them . and trust me i know its hard. it was the hardest thing i did was telling my aunt i was sexually active but she got me help. we went to the doctor, she got me birthcontrol, and she respects me alot more by telling her, it made us closer and i feel better because i know longer lived in fear of her finding out on her own or trying to hide it .