i don’t know if i’m a virgin

dear heather,
How can tell you if you have lost your virginity? A few months ago I was with my boyfriend kissing on his bed and we were both wearing loose shorts and it felt wet and nice and I could feel him close to me. Afterwards I felt bad because I didn’t plan on losing my virginity so early, but still don’t know if we did have sex or not even though my boyfriend says we did. Am I still a virgin?

Virginity means many things for many gURLs — some consider themselves virgins until they have experienced sexual intercourse and/or penile penetration, whereas others think having oral sex means you’re not a virgin. And, as Lena, our sex expert, has told us, virginity is pretty arbitrary, anyway. But from what you are describing to me here, you are definitely still a virgin.

If you and your boyfriend were wearing clothes while you were kissing, his penis did not enter your vagina, in which case you did not have sex. You could have potentially engaged in dry humping (which in your case, wasn’t so dry), but even doing that would still make you a virgin.

That wetness that you describe feeling is probably your boyfriend ejaculating near your vagina, but not inside it. Plus, you probably felt your own wetness, which occurs naturally when you’re aroused. I would not recommend that he orgasm anywhere near your vagina though in the future.

Consider yourself a virgin until he ejaculates inside of you. But if you’re not ready for that, which it seems like you may not be (and that’s OK!), stick to what you two are doing now — you said it feels good, so keep at it and have fun!

take care,
heather

oh and, do you think she’s still a virgin, too? tell us how  you define virginity, below!

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Virginity
Tags: , ,
  • Phil Hill

    I don’t think saying “Consider yourself a virgin until he ejaculates inside of you.” is a good idea! Increases the risk of pregnancy! If he is wearing a condom and ejaculates in that, that is still sex!

  • Anonymous in SC:)

    i dont know if im still a virgin or not either. i've been with a guy but only the head went in, but then after about 5 minutes i made him stop because i thought about what i was doing and wasnt really ready…. so i'm still confused about that.

  • Kristen

    It's not sex unless a penis penetrates a vagina.

  • Llyenoris

    She's so not a virgin like omg. That's so skanky.

  • yes gurl u r still a virgin as long as ur cherry (as i call it,) diddnt pop. humping is nothing as long as his thing ddnt go n urs….. tht wet stuff is jus wat happens wen we gurls are aroused… or horny as i call it. ikno it sounds lik every thing the article says lol!!!