lena’s advice: how do I know if i’m bisexual or lesbian?

anna bats for the b-team.

This gURL’s got a question for Lena:  I’m thirteen and I’m questioning my sexuality. I’ve been told to “explore my sexuality” but, I don’t know how! I don’t know any lesbian/bisexual girls (all the girls I know are straight), and I don’t think there’s anyway I can connect with anyone LGBT. And I obviously can’t make out with straight girls! So, what do I do?

Lena’s answer: Hi gURL!

It sounds like you’re approaching this from an open-minded perspective, which is great, because your sexuality isn’t something that should be a source of guilt or internal agony. Sadly, there’s no “test” to figure out once and for all if you’re into gURLs. You could kiss one tomorrow and like it, but decide later in life that you prefer men. Other times, gURLs don’t realize that they’re bisexual or lesbian until they get into college and have the opportunity to do more exploring. That type of development is totally normal and happens more than you think.

| Check out this guide from gURL on the huge spectrum of sexuality. |

In the meantime, it can be really frustrating to not be able to express your romantic or sexual interest in someone, but a lot of people are in the same position that you’re in, so you’re not alone. Even if there aren’t LGBT groups in your area, there are often on- and off-line counseling services for those who are questioning their sexuality.

And if your school offers comprehensive sex education, talking to the instructor may help you make sense of your sexual preferences. Just remember that you’re still quite young, and your sexual orientation isn’t something that emerges overnight. For a lot of gURLs, it’s a question that remains open-ended for most of their teen years. There’s no need to rush to find a definite answer!


P.S. Visit gURL’s Shout Out Board, when girls like girls, and talk to some other gurls about your thoughts, feelings and experiences! And F.Y.Bi,  check out these bisexual celebrities, including Anna Paquin, shown above.

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Posted in: Ask an Expert, Health, Sex & Relationships
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  • Julia

    I’m constantly seeing guys that I think are hot, but every once and a while, I see a girl that I think is hot, and that I would kinda want to like idk make out with? but I think im just bi-curious,..

  • RuthSama

    I know what you mean. I know this girl and I would just die of happiness if she looked at me in that way.

  • its ok and being open is the best way to handle things please dont be afraid and im here for u 100%

  • Hollie

    I feel exactly the same way and it's really confusing and it's not exactly sonething you can talk to your friends about