advice gURL: she cheated on her sweetie. should she tell him?

this 19 year old gURL from Sandusky, Ohio just "wanted a chance to redeem myself"

desbooboo from the Shout Out Boards is begging for your help:

Okay so I basically gave up everyone who i was talking to for this guy. I really like him and think i am practically falling in love with him even though we have not made it official yet. But there is one guy and i wanted to hang out with him today. To sum it all up i went over his house and ended making the biqqest mistake ever (we had sex). I cant say i didn’t want it because something inside me did but i just didn’t want it to happen with him. So now i do not know what to do … Should i tell the guy i love the truth or just leave it alone and act like it never happened :(. Please help.crying.

I made a huge mistake and i will never do it again.

What should she do? Tell him the truth? Pretend it never happened? Tell her in the comments below!


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  • ollie

    honestly, if you're not official, you don't have to tell him. maybe like, tell him you kinda did stuff with some other kid, but don't give him full details. or i guess you could just move on from both guys, that way you won't feel as guilty. and who knows, the one you love might take it the wrong way and tell you to eff off and then you'll be 10x worse.

    • Jay

      I think that maybe yes you did do a mistake by having sex with the other guy, but one you guys are not together from what i read, and second maybe this is your way of getting rid of all those urges or feelings to go out and cheat if you guys do end up together. You should tell him but make it short , dont detail even if he wants you too , cause trust it would be worse. As long as you stepped up and said the truth counts. No matter what happens. It would be worse if he found out by someone else thats just going to make you look bad and possibly end anything that can happen with you guys. Trust i have been there before. Hope everything works out 🙂

  • Ysa

    You are technically single, so I do not think what you did is considered cheating; however, your conscience is patently stained. I can tell that you like Guy 1 a lot, and I am sure the feeling is mutual. To clear up your conscience, I think you should tell him about what happened, lest you will be carrying a burden as long as you are with him.

    The fact that you cheated on him with must mean that you were not afraid to lose him, although you may think otherwise. You need to acknowledge that fact first, then promise yourself that you will not "cheat" again. If you are sure that Guy 1 is really important to you, and that you do not want him gone, then muster up the courage to confess to him. Assure him that nothing of the same caliber will ever happen again. Know that he deserves to know the truth.

    You deserve a second chance, that is for sure. But if he does not give you that, do not blame him or yourself. Walk away from the memories of the incident, and resolve to not repeat the same mistake again. You know better now.

    • Ysa

      *The fact that you cheated on him with Guy 2 must mean that…

  • chelsea

    this is a really similar situation to mine. i haven't told him, and i'm not planning to. i don't think anything would be gained by telling him, unless you feel really guilty. if you don't feel that bad and you know it won't happen again then i would just leave it.

  • Frantick

    I'm going to start off by saying that if you are really into this guy — let's call him Paul to lessen any confusion later on — and you want something to happen with him, you shouldn't have slept with this other guy.

    If you truly love Paul, you shouldn't have fallen into the temptations of another penis. That is your own fault.

    Now I'm not here to place blame. I'm merely here to give advice and make opinionated comments about the situation, but it seems like you're really sorry, so that should count for something.

    My advice to you would be to discuss with Paul the whole situation. First, by talking about your relationship with him. You're not dating, but you both are into each other? Why aren't you dating? What's stopping you? How does he feel about you? Tell him how you feel about him. Basically, I'm advising you to tell him everything, from how you feel and then to what you did.

    If he is into you, I assume that he would react negatively. Yes, he'll be upset, but do you really want to create a relationship beginning with lies?

    That's the thing you should be asking yourself.

  • Laura

    I agree with Rachel, you weren't cheating so it really shouldn't matter.

    I know how you feel though. I wasn't over one of my exes from summer 09, but at the end of july he told me he wanted me back. Thing is, I already had a boyfriend who I sacrificed a lot for because he was truly the most amazing boyfriend I have ever had, but I still had my ex from the previous summer at the back of my mind(he was my first).

    So I was super caught, so I went over to his house to see what I really wanted. I ended up sleeping with him. I got my closure, but it wasn't the best way to go about it. I honestly did it so that I could move on in my current relationship and let that ex go. It took me a month and a half to tell my boyfriend, but I told him. He couldn't stand to talk to me, but he did anyway. He loves me enough to have forgiven me though. So if you think it's the right thing to do, and you think he'll take it well, do it.

  • jasmine

    YESSS!!! TELL HIM i was in the same situation and he SAW it as cheating even though we didnt go out yeah something like that matters and to this day i regret not telling him. he found out from a friend honey he needs to know. weather most people realise this or not if you like a person and they like you back and you both express feelings for one another THAT matters

  • Rachel

    welll he isnt your boyfriend yet so technically it shpouldnt matter, until it's official it isnt really cheating. but if you wanna do the right thing, tell him. and if u really dont feel it matters too much since you are not official yet , then dont tell him. if it were me, i wouldnt tell him . but it isnt the right thing to do.