my friend’s ex really likes me

dear heather,
I am really confused right now. My friend just recently broke up with her boyfriend
and now He really likes me and he has even started to touch me every time we sit
together at cadets, and I really like it. The problem is that my friend found out and
is now threatening to tell our captain. I also really like him and would like to go
out with him, but I would not be able to tell anyone, because then she would find
out! And on top of all this I am only 13 and have no experience in relationships!! I
don’t know what to do?!? Please help me!

I can see why you’re confused — you don’t have to even have been in a relationship to know how to get through this one!

You have to figure out how you feel about him. Obviously, you like the flirting and the way his attention to you makes you feel. Fun! But I have to ask, do you really like him? You said you like “it.” Not “him.” Do you know him well enough that you can say you really like him? Or do you just like the attention? It’s really important to figure this out because if you really like him, then you have to tell your friend. And you wouldn’t tell your friend and risk upsetting her if he wasn’t totally worth it, right?

If you are genuinely interested in this guy, then you should be able to tell your gURL about it. It can be simple and go something like this “Hey gURL, so I know you and gUY broke up and I know you’ve been really bummed about it and I wanted you to know before you heard it from anyone else in cadets that I think I have feelings for your ex and I feel close enough to you and respect you so much that I wanted to tell you before anything really happens. I really want to date him.”

Now, all this could be in vain if this guy really isn’t worth it. After all, he dumped your best friend and quickly moved on to you, so how do you know he won’t treat you the same way? At 13? I’d say give it a few months (yep, ’til Winter Break) and let him really pursue you and show you how much he cares. And then, if you still really like him and not it, then have the conversation with your girl friend.

take care,

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Posted in: Dating, Friends, Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Imogen

    and at cadets, unless you are a proper rank, cant get into trouble for going with someone or anything.

    i mena what is she going to say to ur commander?

    " my friend is going out with my ex"

    i dont think so. it would be stupid to bring that up to a captain. so u wood be ok to go out with him under the threat of telling the commander person. cause it is an empty threat. she cant do that.

    or she can and it will not have any affect