ask lena: am I too young to have sex?

kelly's cherry popped at 13 -- but is it right for this gURL?

Hey Lena, I so badly want to have sex. I’m 13, and i go to porn sites to get myself turned on. I’m popular, but no one will have sex, am I too young?  Please help!

Lena’s advice: Instead of asking yourself, “Am I too young to have sex?”, why not try asking, “Am I too young to handle all the responsibilities that come along with sex?” Your body may be ready to get it on, but you might not be ready for everything that might lead to. We can take a lot of precautions, but since birth control can be hard for young teens to obtain and easy to forget to use, STIs and pregnancy are risks you have to be able to deal with. At 13, you can’t even drive yourself to the gyno; let’s not even talk about popping out babies. It might be smart to wait a few years until you’re old enough to handle making serious decisions about your reproductive health.

In the meantime, it sounds like you’re developing a healthy sex drive, and that’s totally normal when you’re going through puberty. Being curious, masturbating, and thinking more about sex are all part of growing up. You can satisfy a lot of desires that way, without having sex before you’re ready to deal with the potential consequences.

And, having sex will not affect your popularity level, nor will your popularity level determine your sexual conduct. You should decide for yourself, not peer pressure, when is right for you.


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Posted in: Ask an Expert, Health, Sex & Relationships, Virginity
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  • natalia

    I dont think 13 is too young. Parents may think that way, there may be laws against it, society may not accept it. The question is that if we feel that we want to have sex and have urges and want to explore, why should it be wrong, if naturally it was intended that instinctively we will be driven, to want to have sex. Why does society try and make it so bad instead of accepting that girls and boys will feel those urges. I agree we must be careful and not always succumb to those urges but sometimes those urges are very strong and the desire to have sex is overwhelming. Now surely this cannot be abnormal. Isnt this how nature intended it to be? What we need to do is that instead of making a moral issue of it, just teach those 13 and 14 yr olds about safe sex, precautions, STDs and other consequences. I dont think there should be such silly advice that a 13 yr old is not ready. Not ready by whose judgement? This kind of advice is so dated and does not seem logical. 13 yr olds do have more common sense than what is thought or believed. Teach safe sex and how to take precautions. Parents, society wake up. Lena Chen, get with the times. Your advice needs sprucing up. Give these 13 or 14 yr olds the tools to make sure they dont come to any harm. Telling kids to abstain will surely encourage them to go and experiment and you know the kind of consequences that will result. So Lena Chen be more responsible when you give advice. Be balanced and understand the practicality of the situation. Being prepared is more important than being ready. I bet even you wont be ready if you had a new date.

  • crazydude786

    i say go for it,my first time was at 13 just be responsible,condoms if not on the pill,and condoms if is a random guy and not a long term partner.Enjoy !! :D

  • cutealmondeyedgurl


    Girl ‘can decide about termination’

    6 days ago |By Press Association SHARE

    A High Court judge has ruled that a 13-year-old girl is capable of making her own decisions about whether or not to terminate a pregnancy.

    Health authority bosses had asked Mr Justice Mostyn to decide whether the teenager had the mental capacity to understand options open to her.

    The judge concluded that she did – after hearing evidence from a psychiatrist who had interviewed her.

    He said it was for the girl to “decide what she wishes to do”.

    Detail of the case emerged today in a written ruling by the judge following a hearing in the Family Division of the High Court in London.

    The judge said the girl’s grandmother had noticed a “bump” a few weeks ago. Tests had shown that the girl was probably more than 20 weeks pregnant.

    He said health authority bosses with responsibility for the youngster’s care had sought a court ruling because they wanted to be sure that the teenager had the “appropriate capacity” to make decisions about the pregnancy.

    “I am completely satisfied that (she) has sufficient understanding and intelligence,” said Mr Justice Mostyn.

    “It will now be for her to decide what she wishes to do.”

    The judge did not identify anyone involved but said the girl lived in the north of England with her parents.

    The ruling did not give detail of any views held by the girl’s parents.

    Mr Justice Mostyn said the girl would need family support.

    “If she decides to continue with the pregnancy, then I am expecting that her family and, indeed, Social Services will need to give her considerable support and assistance,” he added.

    “It also goes without saying that should she go through with a termination her family will need to be at her side and to assist her and support her after what is inevitably going to be an unpleasant and traumatic experience.”

  • prettyBlueBelle

    NOPE not too young if you know what you are doing and if you can make sure you know how to take precautions and you are sure the guy has no STDs.
    Geez, sex is about penis in vagina and it feels damned good!! I dont know whats the big deal. Such fuss and drama!!

  • valerie

    13 is not too young provided you know what you are doing and you know how to take precautions.
    Like someone else said we are created that way.
    Just be careful.

  • redHeadgurl

    If you are 13 you can still make sensible choices and can do that perfectly well. Some idiots may suggest that just because you are asking if you could have sex, that deems you not ready to do the deed. How stupid is that. You are asking only because society has made us think that way. Society has reprogrammed our minds to believe that somehow at 13 you are awfully young and will be misled and taken advantage of by some male predator or a perverted male who is fulfilling his own fantasies. This is the crap that we get fed all the time. Somehow this advice doesnt wash any longer. We know that such advice is utterly wrong.
    At 13 you according to nature are ready to have sex. It is up to you if you want to do it or not and I wouldnt advise you to go and ask anyone if you can or cannot do it. What you MUST do is to be safe and take precautions. Who you do it with is entirely up to you. You may choose someone your age or someone much older. The important thing is that your minds match and you both like each other and are comfortable with each other.
    Sex is fun and so enjoyable. Many girls complain that first time sex hurts and is painful. That happens only because the guy is inexperienced and rough. What I would suggest is to prepare yourself for the event by masturbating and exploring your body and the pleasurable sensations you can derive. Then choose a guy who is patient ad gentle and knows what he is doing. Use condoms and plently of lube and you will have a sensational time because you can be assured you wont get STDs or fall pregnant if you take those precautions. Also make sure you ask the guy to get checked for STDs. Dont feel shy or hesitant to ask. This is your body and you are embarking on a huge adventure. So you need to be sure of the other person. Have fun. You at 13 are NOT too young.

    • Sheena

      Don’t listen to this sexual predator pretending to be a girl who cares about you. You are simply NOT ready. Don’t rush it. You have one great gift that can bond you to your husband together when you get married. Plan your future, find your self worth. Read good books that uplift you, that edify you. You are precious. You are a daughter of Great worth. Don’t sell yourself short. You will regret it. You can tell those who have made the mistake and learned from it. We are the ones who try to warn others. Then there are those who don’t learn from their mistakes and feel cheated an want others to suffer as they did. So Please, Please, be Wise an listen. Your friend…

      • lauren

        Sheena, you are so immature in the way you put forth your opinion. Do you think that just by calling someone a “sexual predator” you can win a discussion.
        What you are upset about in the facts that are being put across. The decision then lies on the person wanting to have sex.
        There is no indication in the post made by “redheadedgirl” that she is a he wanting to take advantage.
        This is the problem with our society. You are trying to control younger folk with your slanderous statements, and misguiding rather than being unbiased.
        Having sex early doesnt mean that you will not be able to bond with your future husband, or will somehow be unable to plan your future, or have feelings of low self esteem and self worth, that you somehow lose your “price” and become less precious and that you will be selling yourself short.
        These are society’s false values. Yet there is so much pornography, violent crimes, gun crimes in schools, cyber bullying etc etc that continue to prevail and proliferate and a very fast pace. Yet something so natural and normal as sex is being condemned!!!
        Not all 13 yr old girls will begin to have sex when they turn 13 but some will do. There is no point telling them that what they are doing is wrong because IT IS NOT WRONG. This is a normal biological process.
        What we need to do is give those girls who do decide to have sex early good advice about being safe and taking precautions against STDs and pregnancy and to continue their education and not resort to drugs or alcohol.
        You advice is so bigoted and stupid. Such things are NOT working. You may call “redheadedgirl” a sexual predator. By doing that you have proved yourself to be a thorough idiot who cannot see reason but are scared that somehow your antiquated values are slowly disintegrating and you are fighting a losing battle.
        Girls are more aware these days about self worth, “love” false values and common sense.
        You need to be more creative in how you deal with this situation. Calling others names or trying to discredit someone will only show you in a poor light.

      • Salma

        sheena, can I ask you something? What has redheadgurl said that is so bad? Dont you think she has made things very explicit?
        What is it that she has said that you think makes her a pervert and a predator?

        I think she is the first one to say it as it is. She has stated facts that not many of us are willing to do.

        Let me ask you something else. How does having sex make a person bad, worthless or lacking in those things you have listed?

        All she has said is that biological forces kick in when we hit puberty and that it is not wrong to want to have sex because that’s what our bodies are telling us that. I think there is so mch truth in that. She has also taken the responsible stance of telling the girl that she must make sure she takes precautions, to get to know her body and when she has sex to be safe and protect herself against pregnancy and STDs.

        This to me is RESPONSIBLE ADVICE. Not what you are telling her to do. What you are telling her to do is more like listening to someone on the pulpit in church and you know how attractive that kind of advice is.

        Sheena stop being such a fool.

      • madeline

        Sheena, I dont see anything wrong with “redheadgurl’s post.
        I think she has given us a very sensible explanation that most adults, parents and society will avoid and try and distract us by bringing in morals, religion, virtues and other negative things, rather than the true facts.
        I think just because her comments are true and put your response in the fuddy duddy category and now that your comments seem to be overshadowed by this logical explanation, you play dirty and hit below the belt calling her a sexual predator. I am so surprised and shocked how a grown up would resort to such a response.


        1)A girl at 13 is biologically ready. But as a society we have imposed restrictions.
        2) A girl does not lose her dignity or self worth just because she has had sex. Having sex has got nothing to do with loss of self worth. Having sex is hugely pleasurable and is very enjoyable. Issues with guilt and self worth happen when the girl gets brainwashed by society and people like you that she has done something wrong/bad/evil/despicable/filthy and that the guy has taken advantage of her.
        3) While having sex she can still read good books that are uplifting. Sex doesn’t in any way make her character bad.
        4)Having sex doesn’t mean she is selling herself short
        5) She wont feel cheated unless you put those thoughts in her mind and feed her developing mind with such garbage. This is the kind of psychological garbage society inflicts on young girls who want to explore their sexuality
        6)You are not her friend because you have judged her and expect her to follow your way of thought. If you were truly a friend you would give her the facts like redheadgurl has done and leave her to make her own choice and still accept her as a friend. You are such a hypocrite.
        7) She can still have a great future and get married and have a great partner, after she has explored her sexuality.
        Dont take her choices away from her by filling her mind with such fluffy garbage. Let her make up her own mind and learn from her experiences. Give her the tools to prevent any complications like pregnancy and STDs

    • angie

      makes so much sense. Great explanation.

    • angie

      I guess its how we are all wired and how our instincts kick in when nature prepares us and makes us ready. So very sensible and perfectly logical. Thanks so much!!

  • adelia

    When girls start wanting to have sex and they ask “am I too young to have sex” it isn’t because they are too young as someone has suggested but because society has made them believe that 13 is too young to start having sex.
    I think our natural instinct is to have sex as soon as we hit puberty. Somehow society has worked on our minds and are slowly trying to outdo nature trying to delay sexual activity till we reach the artificial age of consent.
    The more unnatural thing is how we try and control what nature has deemed normal.

    • aiyana eve

      makes so much sense. What you say is really what must happen. I am 15 soon and we get given all this rubbish advice. This is so simple and makes so much sense. Thank you :P :P :P

    • halina

      this is so true. OMG evrythn makes sense now. I dunno why people make such a big deal. If our hormones are making us feel that way then maybe nature wanted it to be that way. I must get my frends to read this. There is so much negative stuff about sex. But if we are made that way then maybe it is not so bad or wrong.