my best guy friend punched my crush

dear heather,

I’ve been best friends with Jason since I was a baby. I love him like a brother – we stay over at each others houses and we’re totally close. Recently, a new student came. There was instant electricity, and we connected. He sat next to me, and every time we touched, I actually felt like I was on fire. He told me on his first day I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Then he asked Jason at a party if he could ask me out. Jason punched him in the face, because he’s super protective. The guy is, like, backing off now. I think he has some crazy idea that me and Jason are together. I know Jason didn’t do it out of jealousy, but now I’m really upset. People seem to think me and Jason are dating – but I want the new kid! Please tell me what to do!

You said that Jason didn’t punch the new kid out of jealousy, but chances are that’s exactly why he punched him.  Even if Jason doesn’t like you like that, you two clearly have a brother-sister kind of relationship and he probably feels a little protective just because he’s known you so long.

Talk to Jason about it. Ask him why he punched your crush, and make it clear that, though you value his friendship, you’re not interested in him that way. Tell him that it’s not O.K. for him to get so jealous that he feels the need to punch every guy you like.

Then talk to your crush. Since you sit by him all the time in class, apologize on behalf of your friend, not because it’s your fault, but because it’s on opportunity to make it clear that Jason is your childhood guy friend — and not your boyfriend.

take care,

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