my friend will judge me if i have sex

dear heather,
I’m in high school, and my best friend is completely against sex. She always talks about how having sex makes someone a slut. We both have only gone as far as making out and she thinks anything farther is bad. I want to have sex and I know I am ready, but if I do I don’t know what she would think. What should I do?

Everyone has his or her own conceptions of sex — some vow not to have it until they’re married, while others see sex as a more casual thing that can be done inside or outside of a loving relationship. But the most important thing to remember is that your friend’s opinion on sex shouldn’t determine whether or not you’re ready and whether or not you’re going to have it. She’s entitled to her opinions, but you’re just as entitled to yours.

You say she is your best friend, so you should feel comfortable telling her anything without the fear of her judging you. But if you think that your friend would look down on you if you told her you were thinking about having sex, then she’s clearly not as good of a friend as she says — she should be happy and supportive, not judgmental and bitter.

However, it’s also important to talk to your friend about sex and figure out why she thinks it’s, as you say, “bad.” Once you two figure that out, you can explain to her your side of the issue and tell her why you feel the way you do towards sex. This will help you both understand where the other is coming from, without having to worry about being judged by the other.

But, you also need to look at yourself. Are you thinking about having sex for the right reasons? Are you really ready like you say you are, or do you just want to experience it for the sake of saying you did? Once you figure that out, the problems with your friend should all fall into place.

take care,
heather

send in your questions for heather to heather@gurl.com. oh, and have you and your best friend ever disagreed about sex? how did it go?

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