lena’s advice: my ex wants me to wait for him while he dates other girls. is that fair?

should they go their separate ways?

I am a senior in high school and my ex-boyfriend of 2 years broke up with
me (he’s a freshman in college) because he said that he really liked this girl he met at his university and wanted to try dating her. However, he says he still loves me and wants us to be together in the future (when he and the girl break up), and he told me that its okay if I date someone else as long as I’m not physically intimate with another guy and as long as I don’t like the guy more than him. My question is, should I agree to
this, and is it fair of him to ask me to do this?

Lena’s Advice:
gURL, I think it’s safe to say that you already suspect something’s fishy about the bargain your boy is trying to strike. First of all, put yourself in the other gURL’s shoes. How would you feel if you found out that you were essentially an experimental placeholder for some guy’s actual true love? And then think about the position you’re in. Supposedly, your ex believes that you’re his Ms. Right, but if he’s not willing to commit to you right here and now, then he has no right to ask you to hold off on love and sex for his sake, when there’s no guarantee over what might happen in the future.

Relationships end for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes, people just can’t get along anymore. Other times, it’s long distance or bad timing that gets in the way. Of course, if circumstances change, a broken-up couple might find that they can and want to be together. But if that happens, it should be on both people’s terms. You may be devastated, but you shouldn’t settle for a raw deal. If your ex were a decent dude, he wouldn’t be placing conditions on your love or giving his new relationship an expiration date.


What do you think, gURLs? Leave your comments below! Got a question? Email me at askanexpert@gurl.com!

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Posted in: Ask an Expert, Health, Sex & Relationships, Relationships
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  • traci munro

    my ex of ten years moved on straight away i have not we have three children the new gf had a baby two months after they meet but my ex wants me to wait for him

  • LunyLuna

    OMG! What a freakin' dush! Look, I'm guessing you might still love him, but he doesn't respect or love you. A guy who loves you fights for you, stays with you. A guy who loves you doesn't toss you aside like an old, worn shoe, k? I know what it's like to love a guy and have him try to take control over your personal life. You said yourself, he doesn't want you to be physically or emotionally available to any guy while he's off having fun with that girl at his college. He didn't say he was planning on acting the way he expects you to act, did he? So basically, he's planning on getting into this poor girl's pants, while you're supposed to play the "Good Wife" role.

    Don't agree to this sh*t and tell him to call you if and when he grows up!

  • Sherry

    he noe non bout luv buh he noez how to b a freakin whore. bitch slp him nexx time >:)