i’m bi and the whole town knows

dear heather,

I live in a small town and I recently broke up with a guy who I told my biggest secret to. I’m bi. The day we broke up he told EVERYONE. The whole town knows. Gurls at my school have threatened me, one girl even said she was going to KILL me because she thought I had a crush on her! My true friends have stuck by my side, but nothing will ever be the same. I used to be the loner girl who sat in the back of every class and never talked. Now whenever I walk down the hall people stare and shout names at me. My parents even found out and I think my mother is ashamed of me. What should I do?

Wow, small towns can be rough, especially for someone considered “different.” In this case, all the gossip and nastiness seems especially cruel because someone you cared about has violated your privacy.I hope the whole thing blows over soon. People will most likely get tired of harassing you–and start caring less and less about your private life.

Meanwhile, though, it sounds like you might need some extra support. Can you talk to your mother? Have you considered asking her if she is “ashamed”? It’s great that you have supportive friends, but what about other bisexual teens? Have you checked out resources online?

As for your tormentors, you could try confusing them into silence. If you’ve been shouting back, for instance, start ignoring them; they could be thriving on your reaction. If you’ve been nothing but quiet, on the other hand, try asking them to mind their own business.

Your effect on your more friendly (but quieter) neighbors may be something to think about as well. As hard as the harassment may be, your ability to get through it (which you will) could be seen as a little bit inspirational for people with sexuality secrets of their own.

take care,

send in your questions for heather to heather@gurl.com. oh, and have you ever had a secret that’s been revealed? how did you handle it?

more ways to get gURLy:

Posted in: Being Different, Help Me Heather
  • Nerissa

    BE STRONG GIRL!!!!! FIght The Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U Can Do IT!!! =D 😀