I have been dating someone for three years. I cheated on him about four months ago and just recently told him a month ago. We are in a long distance relationship which makes things even more complicated. We both decided we needed to see each other, so I booked a flight and here I am, in his room at his university dorm and everything is bad. Before I came we barely spoke, and every time we did I would just cry and cry and cry. I’ve told him everything. I’ve been completely honest, and I feel so empty it’s unbelievable.
It was just a drunken mistake (I’m not using this as an excuse) but I can’t even explain why it happened. Anyway, here I am, crying and he says he still cares for me but, can’t tell me he loves me. He says he needs time and we can only be friends. But everything is just messed up cause it cost $1000 to visit, I’m here for 5 days and he’s barely talking and going out with his friends while I’m here alone. He says he doesn’t know how to handle this situation besides time. What should I do?
It is clear that you didn’t mean to hurt your boyfriend by cheating on him, and if you were to relive that drunken night, you would have undoubtedly done things different. But here’s the problem with cheating. One fleeting action can shake a great relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for three weeks or three years.
If he loved you before, he probably still loves you today, but the only way your relationship can survive is if he can trust you again. If he thinks he can trust you again — and this will take a lot of convincing on your part — then your relationship still has a shot. If he can’t, sad as it is to say, your relationship doesn’t have much of a future. Maybe you can break up, take some serious time apart, and rekindle after you see how much you mean to each other.
You said that you only cheated on him because you were drunk, but are you sure there isn’t a bigger reason? A lot of times people cheat because there’s a larger issue at hand — it could be anything from a boring boyfriend to an overall unfulfilling relationship.
A thousand dollars is a lot of money to be out, but chalk it up to a life experience (or as many moms would say, “a character-builder”) which basically means it sucks that it happened but at least you learned something from it. So what’d you learn, you ask? You learned a) not to cheat on anyone and b) to not drink to the point that you risk compromising yourself and cheating on someone you care about.
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