lena’s advice: my boyfriend puts football first. should i stay?

football over the gURL?!

Hey Lena!
My name is Kela and I’m a seventeen year old girl from Pennsylvania. I’m in my senior year and hoping to get some relationship advice. My boyfriend Rob and I have been dating for a year and a half now. Rob is the best boyfriend and treats me great. However, he is a really
good football player and in the process of being recruited for a Division 1- A team.  He is the captain of our high school football team. Although I’m extremely happy and proud of him, it has been hard for me always coming after football.

Often we will have plans and Rob will end up breaking them or being really late because a football commitment will come up. I don’t want to be a needy girlfriend but it hurts my feelings sometimes always coming after football. I know this is an important time and want to be as supportive as possible.

Am I being unreasonable by getting upset over situations like this? How should I handle these situations in the future?  Thank you for your help! 🙂  -Kela

Hi Kela,

Being understanding of one another’s commitments and dreams is a big part of being in a relationship, and as you’ve probably learned by now, love is just as much about romance as it is about compromise. It sounds like your boyfriend has accomplished a ton of great things, plus he’s lucky enough to have a supportive girlfriend on his side. That’s all great for him, but you should ask yourself what you feel like you’re getting out of your relationship. Is your support for his extracurricular commitments reciprocated in other ways? Or do you feel like you’re never a priority of his and that you’re the one making most of the sacrifices?

It’s absolutely crucial that you’re open about your feelings — both positive AND negative — or some of these emotions may build up into resentments much harder to alleviate later on.

You’ve been together for a long time now, so try to talk honestly to him about how it makes you feel to constantly get ditched. If this is simply a phase or tough period (it is football season!)  and your relationship has been solid up to this point, maybe it’s worth weathering the storm, as long as you know it will pass and it won’t be like this forever. But if this is how the gameplan is going to be for the rest of your future together, it might be time to reassess whether your boyfriend has the time and energy to devote to being the best partner he can be for your needs. If you have that discussion and decide that maybe he isn’t right for you right now, that’s OK. You’re strong and you’ll get through it.

Football may be important to him and he may be a star athlete, but that doesn’t mean that he gets a free pass on being a crappy boyfriend. Your relationship is a commitment he should value too!

Love,
Lena

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  • Grace

    i know exactly how you feel! just hang in there cause football season will end. me and my guy had this sam problem. he played football and i was was in band. so we made a comprimise. i would go to all the football games and he went to my compeitetions. our football season might not have lasted long but it was fun and were steel together.

  • Kourtney

    Hi Kela, please dont take this the wrong way but i really think thats what you commited to when you began your relationship. I know people in the same situation, and for him right now football could mean a scholarship, an nfl positon, ect. Its hard to be ok with it all and i know it hurts, but just hang in there and it will be all worth it for both of you. He is an athlete, and you must support him and keep him good. Even thought you wont be with each other, going to his games and supporting him mean sooo much too him. Hang in there, good luck!

  • Bria

    This sounds just like my last relationship! Except the difffrence is that my boyfriend was a good basketball player and he played bball year round. There wasnt a such thing as "bbal season" for him. He practiced for basketball almost everyday even when it wasnt bbal season. I felt like i wasnt important anymore and i had to end it. As for you and your bf's. Football is only one season and im sure its not always going to be like that after the season is over. But for me he said that there was a possibility that the bbal thing was gonna be the same so, that was that. I can admit i was strong during it cause he had bbal stuff when we first started dating so it just got more serious ,and it wasnt going to change for me so that was it. At the end of the day its your decison.