advice gURL: am i ready for sex? will it hurt?

does it hurt?

From’s Shout Out Boards:

I turn 16 next month and I’m in a very serious relationship with my boyfriend. I feel that I’m ready and that I won’t regret what happens, but is only being together 5 months taking it too fast? I don’t really think it is. Idk I feel ready and he’s 18 and a virgin so obviously he was waiting on the right person too. I can see myself being with him a  year or two from now even longer. I’m also kinda curious as to if it’ll hurt? –brina21

What’s your advice for brina21? Help a gURL out and share your thoughts below.


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Posted in: Advice Gurl, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Virginity
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  • hannah

    If you want to do it then go for it. Just take precautions against STDs and Pregnancy. Sex isnt painful. If sex was painful our species wouldnt have thrived! we would all be extinct. Sex is fun, very normal and natural. It is a NORMAL function of our body and religion or morals has NO part to play in ones sexuality. Religion suppresses desires or somehow tries to make a virtue of abstaining. We cannot defy nature. Our bodies are designed to have sex and to regenerate our species. So just turn a deaf ear to all those “goody goody religious moral nuts”.
    When you do have sex make sure you are really turned on and extremely wet so that way when he penetrates you you wont feel much soreness. You can try oral sex and use some lube so you will find when he penetrates you it will be so much more enjoyable. Try and relax and have a lot of foreplay. Bleeding is extremely minimal unless you have some kind of bleeding disorder. You may not een notice the bleeding. Importantly dont have anxiety and dont be preoccupied about how painful it will be. Just expect fun and an awesome sexy feeling. Make sure he makes you orgasm before he penetrates you. If he penetrates you whil;e you are having a orgasm it is like the bestest feeling you can ever imagine. ENJOY.

  • nancy612

    i personally think that its your decission 🙂 if you feel ready confident maybe a bit nervous i think you should go for it just try to use the calendar method and FOR SURE use A CONDOM! i dont think your doing wrong if you feel like you truly like him and he truly likes you go for it try it 🙂

  • michelle

    I wouldnt do the fingering because think its a little wierd.I rather do yhe real sex part even if it hurt.

  • i like mangoz

    umm blood and pain . okay im never ever having sex. im 15 and i am keeping my legs sealed forever!!

    • michelle

      I’m pretty sure that one day you’ll be tempted and do it.Some people your age don’t feel that way yet.

  • Ready2Soar

    Well, I'm like Hollywood Smiles except me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost eighteen months (a year and a half) and I haven't ever even seen him naked. I'm turning sixteen next month too and I just want to say that honestly, I don't think you should do it. All my friends who have said that it did hurt and they regret it, some even deny doing it, and I think my relationship with my boyfriend is actually a whole lot better because we don't have sex. It ties you to him in a way that I've heard is kinda like the relationship a mother has with her baby and if you're anything like me you're probably CRAZY about him anyway, don't make it even more complicated than it already is. My advice, don't have sex with him because holding out gives him a challenge and a reason to stay while doing it after five months is most likely gonna cause you two to break up.

  • are you people serious your telling a child that she can have sex…sex is precious and worth waiting for because you become spiritually, mentally and physically connected. you shouldn't give yourself to everyone you feel a connection with and the rest of you get lives you sex obsessed pagans

    • 7th Grader Down the

      Excuse me, but not ALL teenagers are children. If she id mature enough and physically ready, then she can. If you are truly in love, I don't see why not. But maybe wait a little while until you are 17 or 18. Because if you DO break up, that means less time regretting it. Wait a little longer so you are SURE you will be together. HIV is out there because of whores and sluts. If they are both virgins, then do you think they are gonna get HIV??? They have a lesser chance than most.

    • FashionFreakKnob

      Um.. excuse me?

      This really has nothing to do with the sex part at this moment, but what the hell?

      Did you just use being pagan as an INSULT!? My mother is part of a pagan religion. It is a belif. And if you're a catholic obsessed chick, think about this– God told everyone to treat all with respect, no matter religion, race or whatever. I don't think your God would be very proud of you at this moment.

      And telling your child sex is fine is whatever. I am 13. My mother has told me, it doesn't matter when, as long I want it, and it is with someone I truly trust, someone I would give my life for. Not the first boy who saunters up and asks to get into my pants. The way you said that, you called every single girl here a whore and slut.

    • Anonymous

      I found your comment absolutely hilarious. I can see that your a Christian-obsessed woman. Christianity was the religion that slaughtered millions of people just because they worshiped a different god, and misconstrued the female body as being something that should be wrapped up and buried six feet under until married. The ignorance shown just by calling a group of people "sex obsessed pagans" is flattering. Norse Paganism hasn't changed for 2260 years, while Christianity goes under a reform every 100 because a king or pope finds something that contradicts their actions.

      I do however agree that sex is worth waiting for, because you do indeed become mentally and physically attached to that person. Twenty years may pass, but you will still remember your first time, so make it an enjoyable one.

  • are you people serious…telling a child she can have sex just because you people are sick minded…make a mistake like that sex is precious and there's a reason why HIV is out there

    • summer

      hahahaha.. you think 16 is a child??? Isabell please emerge from the dark ages. There is a new wonderful world out here. We now treat sex as a normal function of the human body and a girl is ready when she feels she is ready.SHE IS NOT A CHILD. To you she may be a child but that because you are a narrow minded person who likes to control and to make sex a taboo. Sex is a powerful form of communication that strengthens the feeling of love. Yes, the relationship may not last but if you take the trouble of looking around, these days more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. So nothing is forever. Stop being so narrow minded. This has nothing to do with religion. We were created much before the existence of religion, and we were created to have sex, not question it or have doubts about it being right or wrong. Religion came much much later and started making rules about having sex after marriage. There was a moral tag put on it and since then society has imposed so many regulations on the sexual act. Something normal was now being regulated. Do you see how bizarre the whole thought process around sex is??

  • If you really think that you're ready, my most pressing advice to you is to MAKE SURE YOU ARE RELAXED. If you are tense, like I was, then it.will.hurt. Make sure that you're comfortable, that you're not in any sort of awkward position (so no upside-down sex the first time around, lol) and try having him kiss and touch you to get your body ready for it first. It may take a while to get it to the point where your vagina is lubricated enough for easier penetration, but trust me. Not rushing in and letting him just shove himself inside you = SMART. I let my boyfriend just go at it, and…yeah. I WISH I had had someone to talk to about how to do it properly before I did it.

    One thing I noticed is strangely helpful: having him talk to you before and during the act.

    • Guerrita

      thats what happened to me my first time too i was tensed up and thats what made it hurt even more because my vajj was tensed and colsed because i was scared and he shoved it in and it hurt soo much,, but i say you should wait till yo know that your going to stay together and till you know that your really ready your still young you may think hes the one now but you may regret it later in life like i did,,

  • Mckinley_Twenty

    I tried having sex with my boyfriend of 5 months (who is now my ex). I actually regret it a lot. Although it din't last long. If you feel you are ready go for it. But this is an ultimate commitment. Sex should not just be had randomly. So think about this, and make sure the both of you are ready before you do anything you may regret.

  • HollywoodSmile


    No one can tell you weather or not you are ready for sex – only you can determine that. Unfortunately, sometimes its impossible to determine that unless you try it. I am sixteen and have been with my boyfriend eleven months to the day, and we have not had vaginal sex. We have talked about it and considered it and tried it, but we just have yet to actually have sex. We have had oral and anal sex. When i say that we have tried vaginal sex, i mean that we have started to go trhough intercourse, and gotten a few inches in, but have not gone far enough to break my hymen and he has not ejaculated. To me, that means i have not had sex. Some people will disagree.

    Sex is a very 'taboo' subject in todays society, and thats why i am so thankful for this site – people here arent afraid to talk. Talking is the most important part of sex. My older brother once told me, "whenever you have sex, promise me youll talk to the guy first." That is the best advice i can give you. From the very beginning of my relationship, my boyfriend and i have talked about sex. We've talked about what kind of sex we want to try, what kinds of sex we have tried, our sexual pasts, our emotional pasts, and what we would do if he ever got me pregnant. it is extremely important to talk about all of these kinds of things with your partner before even trying to have sex. It is also improtant to keep talking while, and after, you try something new. Let your partner know of any pain and discomfort and dont be shy or ashamed of anything you feel.

    Sex is not a bad thing, its just another part of life. Unfortunatley, sex can come with extreme consequences if you dont communicate.

    • eileen

      I am 17 and going to be 18 next. i have not had sex yet because with all my exs i though about but decided to say no because i knew it would not last with them. and now i am with my boyfriend of a month and 2 weeks. We have really talk about having sex and what we would if i did get pregnant. we live in different state right now i am going to see him this summer and move up there where he lives. when i do move up there we are going to do it. i am gong to graduate next year and should be graduating this year but i am not. i believe i am ready to lose my virginity to my boyfriend because i love him and believe that we could last. even if it didn't i would not reget it. i do not believe u should do it because when i was ur age i was with my first boyfriend we want to take it slow we even waited 10 to 11 months to have our first kiss because he moved for 5 month of our one year relationship as soon as he came back we had our first kiss then he ask me the question about sex i told him no and that we could break up or wait to have sex. he waited but we broke up. i am happy i said no to him because i would of regretted it.

      so my advice to u is to wait to have sex 5 month is not enough time to really be with some one and to do it.

  • I don't tihnk 5 months is too soon. I was ready to give it up to my ex around the 2 month mark (we never did have sexsex, just foreplay, aand alas, we're no longer together, but i still wouldn't have regretted it). anyway, do it if you truly feel ready, if you trust him, 5 months won't be 'too soon'. just be safe and whatnot.

    if he's never fingered you (like, shove it in there), i'd suggest you have him do that. start with one finger, then add more and more gradually, so you can get used to having something up there. it'll help for it to hurt less, but everyone's different. it might not hurt at all, and it might hurt so much you can't get it in. just take it easy and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. i'd tell you to drink before you try, so it dulls the possible pain, but if you don't drink, don't take my advice, haha!

    some people bleed, some don't. having him finger you might get that bleeding part over and done with (although my friend was fingered by her boyfriend and she bled, and then bled a little during intercourse, too.). but everyone's different. good luck though (: