i’m white, he’s black, and my parents beat me

dear heather,

I’m white and I really like this black guy. We were together last year and I got beat by my parents. Like, literally beat. But we love each other so much. How can we be together without them beating me and disowning me like last year? It’s so hard, but I know it’s worth it.

Unfortunately, we still live in a society that looks down on differences — and that goes for race, religion, sexuality, and anything else that makes one person unique from another. I’m sorry that your parents feel the way they do, but it’s going to be extremely hard to change their opinion about this issue.

Changing someone else’s lifelong viewpoint is nearly impossible and it seems your parents are pretty set on theirs. Chances are you can’t talk your way out of this one. But that doesn’t mean that you have to stop seeing your guy. It just means that bringing him home to mom and dad isn’t an option right now. We’re not encouraging your to go behind your parents back, but spending time with him at school or in public isn’t a crime.

Since you’re a teenager, you don’t have that much longer living under your parent’s rules. There’s only so much you can do right now and keeping a roof over your head should be a pretty big priority. If it’s real love, not being able to spend every waking second together — or at least hanging out at your parent’s house – -shouldn’t get in the way. If this relationship is meant to be, then it can survive the time til you are out of their house.

Now let’s talk about this beating. If your parents are harming you, find help. They are your parents and, legally, they can tell you what to do and who to see and how to act, but they can’t hurt you. Domestic abuse is a serious issue and you shouldn’t have to deal with it – ever. No reason is a good reason. If there’s a trusted adult in your life, like a teacher or a school counselor, talk to him/her. And if there isn’t, call the Childhelp USA hotline at (800) 4-A-CHILD.

take care,
heather

send in your questions for heather to heather@gurl.com.


Posted in: Being Different, Family, Help Me Heather
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  • pamela

    am black my boyfriend was white and his dad hated balck people he will go out with a big knife in the pubs and will start on black people we were fine till he couldnt take critism from his family and friends no more so he cheated on me to get rid of me but now re regrets it! i say just keep strong and eventually they will accept it u cant pick who u love.

  • Lucero

    Wow! Really didnt know this still happened. Dont listen to them is my opinion only you understand your feelings. Hide it and you guys would probably make a beautiful caramel skinned curly haired baby =] in a few years ofcourse

  • Emily™

    I feel really bad for you. He's just a person, it's like saying that your not allowed to say hi to people who's name are Justin, or for example (i really hate this one, even if their not humans) that pitbulls aren't legal. Its not about the dog itself, its about the owner who trained the dog to make the bad choice. What I'm trying to say is: the parents are the ones who teach wrong to right, hopefully they'll make the right choice. (and sometimes the dog is a rebel and dosn't listen to it's owner, which is completly ok too).