i love my boyfriend… but we’ve only met online

dear heather,

I have a boyfriend who I really, really like. I talk to him for hours and we have SO much in common. The only thing is I met him online and we haven’t met in person yet. Whenever I talk about him to my friends, they make fun of me. I think I love him, and I can’t stand when they talk bad about him. What should I do?

Long-distance relationships are hard enough, and only knowing your boyfriend through the computer makes things even more complicated. As much as you might like your boyfriend, the relationship isn’t the same as it would be if you knew him in person. No matter how much you talk, no matter how many different ways you communicate (Skype, IM, Facebook), you’re only getting to know one side of him.

Your friends shouldn’t make fun of you, but there’s still a big stigma around dating online, and for good reason. You know that saying that there’s truth in every joke? The thing is, that this guy is a virtual boyfriend. When it comes down to it, someone’s web presence is always the best version of themselves. Think about your Facebook profile. You put a lot of time and thought into that, right? And you leave out your quirks? Bad photos? etc? Keep that in mind!

But your boyfriend might be cool, so I’m not saying you should dump him tomorrow. If he brightens up your day, great. If he is your real boyfriend, you should be able to introduce him to your friends. If he’s your real boyfriend, you should be able to tell your parents about him and even bring them with you to meet him. Right?

You wouldn’t meet him alone, I know you’re smarter than that. Even if it’s just on Skype, you should totally have your family and friends meet him! But as long as they keep thinking that he’s just some dude on the internet, without a face or personality, they’ll probably keep having their doubts. As do I. And if he won’t show his face to your friends and family, then gURL, we have a problem.

And if you meet another boy — in person — who knocks your socks off, run with it. Real life is always better than the internet.

take care,

send in your questions for heather to heather@gurl.com.

Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Aria

    I am having a similar problem. I am dating a guy I met online and I really like him. But I am not quite sure if he feels the same way about me. He’s a great guy but I just don’t know if he really likes me in real life or it’s just a virtual relationship for him

  • Audrey

    Honestly I’m having a similar problem. I love my boyfriend, we started as best friends and then he asked me out. The problems I’m facing is 1. He’s a year younger than me and he’s told me about a girl who’s flirted with him before, so I’m kinda scared he’ll follow through with her :c and the other problem is, my sister (guardian) doesn’t know about him. I’m scared to tell her because what if she makes me quit talking to him. I mean, he’s a great guy, he never makes any sexual comments or remarks towards me or anything like that so I don’t see why my sister wouldn’t be okay with him. He’s really sweet and good humored.

  • Ivana

    I am on the same situation. I have met my boyfriend online nearly 4 months ago and we hit it off right away. We share the same interests and I can really tell we like each other so much. I am scheduled to visit him this coming January (I hope they would approve my VISA).

    We last communicated 5 days ago and I haven’t heard from him since but I can see he had read my messages (office Skype). Then I discovered that he blocked me in his personal Skype. I just don’t know if he did the same for Viber (I don’t have ways to determine such). I’m starting to go ballistic because I don’t know if I am suppose to worry or not. He never reach out to me first. I am always to contacts him first. I am getting paranoid, I don’t know if this normal or not. Should I message him and tell him I feel bad that he blocked me in Skype. I am confused.

    Any advise? Thank you!

    • Dion

      Hes afraid of commitment. He didnt think of you as a real gf material. Thats why hes coward when it comes to meeting you in real life. Get over it please, you deserve real guy.
      I know it has been a year, but what happened after it if u dont mind to tell

  • Anguisha

    If you are really in love, nobody can change your opinion unless the guy disappoints or hurts you. I’ve experienced online chatting. Some guys can be amazing but others are freaks. The best suggestion I can give you is that do thorough investigation about the guy and make sure everything he tells you is true. It’s not stalking. It’s your right to know. Many guys lie and they are good at it. In addition, it’s better if you wait longer to meet the person to confirm your feelings. Maybe after a while you’d find this whole relationship silly and you wouldn’t feel so in love anymore. I wish you the best!

  • Mariam

    I’m in lobe with this guy I meet online and he and my brother is friends. I know he’s two brother good, more that I know my crush… But after a while with chatting online I actually feel in love with him. I always ask him if we can meet each other one day, but he always say that he don’t know. I asked him more that tree times and he always say he don’t know… So I’m a little afraid of that he might don’t wanna see me as a person, f2f. I don’t know and I wish I can get some tips.

  • Melissa


  • Destiny

    I met my boyfriend on the hot or not app and we want to tell our parents that we are dating and that we met online but we dont know how, WE NEED HELP PLEASE !!!!!!

  • Kira ♡

    I met a guy on play station home (it’s some kind of program on the ps3 {play station 3} =P). At the beginning we were friends, just normal friends & barely talked to each other. And then in summer he asked me to add him on Kik messenger; I agreed since I talked with everyone I knew in there. We got along very easily, and had a lot of things in common. I was the dumbest person in the history for … Well, lying to him. Yes, I know it was a bad idea, but I just wasn’t feeling really safe with him. After 3 months. We got really close to each other and I decided to just tell him the truth. He said that he understands & that everyone deserves a second chance. I was totally happy; but still not proud of myself. One week ago he asked me to talk with him on Skype, (Voice/Video chat), so I agreed; because I didn’t want him to think that I’m still the same liar. We talked for 4 hours in row. Until we decided to go to sleep. Nowadays we talk to each other every single day. And he always tells me that he never really get bored of me. But I don’t know what to do about our relationship. I love him. I always think about him; everywhere, especially at school. I really need help! Please reply fast

    Kik: katt.patt

    Kira ♡

    • luver

      hey im just in the same situation as u I really love my boyfriend but I just know him in game btw I didnt seen him , how he looks or something but I DONT CARE I just love him ^_^ hes the best person ive met

  • Cass

    I met my girlfriend online (I’m pansexual) and she lives in England and I live in Canada but we were friends for a while before we started dating. We text, Instagram, Kik, Skype, etc. and I really love her, and I know she feels the same. My last partner, a transguy (biologically female, mentally male), I met online the same way, he lives in the USA, and we didn’t last long but I talked to him on the phone, Facebook, Instagram, Kik, text, Skype, Voxer, etc. and I had strong feelings for him as well, and we’re still good friends.
    I can definitely say internet relatioships can work, my girlfriend is coming to Canada soon to meet me(: but just be wary, make sure this guy is really who he says he is, before you meet him or any of that stuff, but other than that, go for it girl!

  • Melissa

    i’m a little curious about this whole thing, because i met my current boyfriend online, and we’ve been dating for 3 years this upcoming November. I’ve only met him once, but we keep up texting, skyping, playing online multi-player games, facebook etc.. and like ppl say you can never rly trust it until you meet them. but i can work out :), and he’s only a year older than me, a Junior in highschool, and before we started dating we were friends so its not as if we dont know each other, which is probably the same for you. so i say, dont jump with both feet but if you trust this guy go for it.

  • tiggy

    i need help!

  • Courtnee

    onlie relationships?

    not a good idea

    this guy might be a creep!

    and picture and talking on the phone maybe even video chat.. prove nothing tech. is AMAZING

    now n days

    i say bad idea.

    and the way i see it, is that you cant really love them. you only hear them. you never now they could just be sweet talkiin you. you know?

    and long distant relationships i see no commitment in them, i couldnt do it. i like to have my honey with me and snuggle with them. (: haha

    just think what you're gettin yourself into.

  • I'm in the same boat, hon.

    Like everyone else says, be careful. If you haven't seen him on webcam, or talked to him through some kind of voice chat, be a lot more wary. People can actually be anyone online, and if he DOES refuse video/voice chat, then something's fishy (or he's shy…but be safe on that just in case).

    My boyfriend's technically met my family via webcam since we sometimes use it on MSN, and my mom loves him to death, so I'm pretty lucky. We've been together for two long years and still going strong.

    Just be careful and good luck! This guy could totally be worth it.

  • Heather

    Hi. im heather and i say dont meet him alone like everyone else. but unlike everyone else im not going to tell you not to be with him. im engaged to a man i met online when i was 14 and he was 18 im now 17 and he is 21. we met online and were a long distance thing but really long distance!! and it is tough so dont do it unless your really sure you love or think you love this guy. get a webcam definitly! its worth it and get msn otherwise known as hotmail so you two can video call and talk for free for hours on end: ) anyways i wish you the best of luck. dont let these people get you down with it okay? if you think you like the guy keep strong okay? i know it can rough and hard to but its well worth it. good luck…Heather ;p

  • Sammie

    girl please be soooooo careful! I can say that i have been through the exact same thing you are going through, and i was very very very careful about…and i got lucky and got a great guy. But im not saying you should just go off and meet him…thats a bad idea. If you ever need someone to talk to look me up on here my username is spikrgirl14 and just send me a message or something and i can help

  • Guerrita

    Wow!!!! dont mean to be mean,, but are you stupid??!!! For one this guy can be anyone,, he can have a picture of himself that makes him look young and what if you go to meet him and hes like 50,, he could be a rapist,, you dont know who he could be,, yea you may think your in love but im sorry but hes only telling you what he wants you to hear,, just so he could get what he wants,, you need to think about what your doing because this is really stupid and i know that I ont know you but I dont want anything to happen to you,, ive been through alot in my life i was molested almost my whole life until I reached 14,, and what if that happens to you because and online lover whom you dont know and you never know something worse may happen,, please use your head,, i dont even know you and it scares the shyt out of me just reading this,,,

    be careful please keep in touch,,

  • Morgan R

    yah i agree too stick with him

  • Lelanie

    I agree with you girl i know the feeling you have and i agree with heather too. but if you love if you should just stick with him because i love my bf too and i ment him over the internet. and we talk on the phone alot and i know he is who he says he is because we have talked on web cam too. So you should go with it girl