lena’s advice: does hooking up make me a slut?

snooki

would you call snooki a slut?

Question: I don’t want to date right now, but I like hooking up, and my friends ask me every time I do if I want a boyfriend. But I tell them “no” and say that I want to be single and hook up with people.  Does this label me a slut or player?

Answer: As Victor Lownes, a long ago Playboy magazine exec, once said, “A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.”

Look, there’s no real definition on words like “slut” or “player.” The real question is not, “Are you a slut or a player?” The real question is: how do you feel about what you are doing, and how do your partners feel?

Here are some things to think about:

  • Do you feel okay about hooking-up with people?
  • Are you honest with your partners?
  • Do you practice safer sex?
  • Are you trying to prove anything?

If you answer yes, yes, yes and no, then I’d say you’re on the right track. But if you answered differently, then you might want to think about why you’re hooking up with people.

There’s an awful lot of pressure to couple up, but being in a relationship isn’t for everyone…

Got your own question for Lena? Send an email to askanexpert@gurl.com.


Posted in: Ask an Expert, Health, Sex & Relationships
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  • ekay

    hey girl hey i don't think you're a slut, i think friends with benefits would be the best option for you right now.
    get to know a guy relatively well, and then hook up with him and keep hooking up with him whenever you feel like it, but only him. use condoms & BC. you should be good!

  • courtney

    i dont think so i just think its how far u go with how many people. have class be a lady!

  • Elizabeth

    You're not a slut or a player. Sluts sell themselves. Players generally sleep around for status.
    There is nothing wrong with having sex with whoever, whenever. It's your body and if you're happy to share it go ahead. It's stupid that people think only guys can sleep with tons of people, girls can do it and for the exact same reasons.
    Enjoy getting some action.

  • Nicole

    You're only a player if you don't inform your partner that you're just hooking up and that you do it with other people. Being considered a slut also has some conditions, for example, having sex with anybody you can get, not being choosy at all. That's just disrespecting yourself.
    I'm not going to call you wrong or put you down – I just don't understand the reason you do this. If I didn't want an emotional attatchment, I'd just masturbate. Hooking up with random people can be dangerous, so you need to be careful (not just by using a condom).

  • jessiee

    personally, i think it's how you look at the situation. because you see i have a little sister around the age of 14 and she considers 'hooking up' to be making out with a boy. but to me it's sex.
    so if your like my sister, 'hook up' kissing is not slutty just try not to worry about too many people in a little amount of days please.
    and if it is sex? i say, only worry about one boy at a time. because you don't want anything horrible to happen. and be sure to be safe, make sure he wears a condom. and make sure you know him too! don't go having sex with random guys, who you just think are 'hot' or 'sexy'.

  • anonymous

    I think it does make you a slut, if you like to "hook-up" it sounds like you don't care about the people your having sex with and you just want the sex so yes you are a slut

  • Ashley

    To be honest if by hooking up you mean having sex, then I do think thats pretty slutty. I mean what if you got pregnant you would have been with different guys you wouldn't even know who the father was. If you want to have sex, but not be in a relationship, instead of hooking up with different guys, stick with 1, the one you feel most comfortable with. Do you really want the reputation of sleeping around, and all guys ever want out of you is sex? Guys are like that. Then when you want to be in a real relationship, and don't wanna have sex, the guy will probably leave you because he got it b4 y'all were even 2gether.

  • Samantha

    i dont think that ur a slut i just think ur not ready to settle down with having a boyfriend but u shouldnt just go around having sex with whoeva cuz u can get STD's or get pregnant

  • Cindy

    Most of you seem like you're 13 (by the way you type) and that's just sad if you're 13 and going around having sex with guys.
    What gives you the urge to just go around having sex with guys?
    I don't think you're a slut, I just think you have issues.
    Now by hooking up in general, are you saying having sex with every guy you've "hooked up" with or just fooling around?
    I honestly don't know how people can have sex, especially young children below the age of 16, can go around having sex with several partners and not even care or feel anythign for that person. I think it's much more special and feels way better when it's with someone you love.
    Again, you're not a slut, I just don't see what compells you to hook up with several people.

  • Kitt

    I don't think that you are a slut at all. I do, however, think that you should consider if you are going to regret this in ten years (or whatever), when you have to tell your husband about the previous partners you've had. If it doesn't bother you, then you're not a slut, but if it does, I think that you should consider respecting your body more than that – enough to wait for the right guy. The only reason why I say this is because I don't know what I would say if I had to tell my husband that I'd hooked up with alot of random guys when I was younger. Telling him what I've already told him hurt, but if there was more, I don't think I could do it. Anyway, I'm not judging you and I definately don't think you're a slut, just stay safe and think about the future in whatever you decide to do. But don't rush into a relationship – emotional or physical – if you're not ready.

  • dude i dont think that makes you a slut.
    theres girls who dont like the "emotional" attachment.. you kno? and no one can blame you for that. because we're young anyway. and you dont have to rush into a relationship!
    hooking up is just fun.
    just draw a line on what is wrong and right.
    and dont go all crazzzyy.

  • cutiepatootie

    i dont think ur a slut. a bunch of my friends hook up with random guys all the time. im in a relationship so i dont but if you are single and you want to go ahead and do what you want to do and dont let anyone else say otherwise. if you are in a relationship, DONT!

  • jessy

    A girl is only a slut if she decides that she is. I don't think you are.

  • Lana

    girl!!! if you're a slut, then i'm a slut too!!! lets be sluts or not sluts together!!! ya hear?

  • smithgroover

    gurl u are not a slut just dont put yourself out there like that

  • Anna

    your not a slut or a player unless YOU say you are. Otherwise, the people who say that, are complete IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!

  • chase

    no of course not unless you are dating during it