kids call me a nun

dear heather,
I’m 15 and I’ve had a boyfriend for over a year. At the beginning, our relationship was moving very fast physically and I talked to him about it and he was cool with taking things slowly. I still feel that I’m too young to go to the next base. So far all we’ve done is make out and he occasionally takes my shirt off. He’s been great about it but it’s hard for him since most of the people in our grade have moved much faster. My best friend has already had sex. My boyfriend does complain all the time but passes it off as “joking.” I know he’s suffering a lot. Should I just give in and not care about my morals? Everyone has been calling me “the nun” at school.
I can promise you that your boyfriend isn’t suffering from not having sex. Maybe you’ve heard of “blue balls,” that thing that supposedly happens when a guy goes without sex for awhile? Totally a myth created by boys who don’t want to miss out on sex when “everyone else is doing it.”

I’m not trying to sound like a Public Service Announcement here, but at fifteen, most people in your grade aren’t having sex. Maybe it seems like it, because a lot of your best friends and your boyfriends’ best friends are, but never, for one second, feel weird for not having sex at fifteen. Or seventeen. Or twenty-five. You should have sex when you’re absolutely sure you’re ready. The end.

He said he’s cool taking things slowly, but it doesn’t sound like he really is. If he continues complaining, let him know you see through his thinly-veiled “jokes” and tell him that it bothers you. He should respect that you aren’t ready. In fact, he shouldn’t want to have sex if you aren’t ready. If it doesn’t get better, dump him and find someone who’s okay with moving at your pace.

The next time someone calls you a nun, tell him or her that you’d rather be a nun than a fornicator (which just means someone who has sex, but it sounds pretty dirty, right?).

take care,

Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Virginity
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