i’m a born-again virgin

dear heather,

I am a born-again virgin and I’m proud of it. I want to be in a relationship but it seems like guys only want to be with me for sex. When I’m talking to a nice guy, all he seems to talk about is sex. Sometimes it feels like all guys want is to have sex with me. I feel like trash, I’m trying to keep my promise and not have sex again but the guys I talk to make it hard. When I tell them that I don’t want to have sex with them, they never seem to call me back. Is there something wrong with me?

More power to you for reclaiming your virginity. The official definition of virginity is really about never having had sex, but it varies from gURL to gURL and the fact that you’re standing by your new-found abstinence is nothing less than awesome.It doesn’t matter whether you’ve done it in the past or not. If you don’t want to have sex, with whoever, you don’t have to and you shouldn’t be pressured into it. Just because you had sex with your last boyfriend, does not mean you have to have sex with the next. If you hooked up with a boy one weekend, you never have to do it again. When it comes to sex, there are no rules other than the ones you want to make for yourself (and even those are flexible).

A lot of time, boys (wrongly!) assume that if a gURL has had sex with someone in the past, she’ll have sex with him, too. Don’t hesitate to set any guy straight. If you aren’t 100 percent sure you want to have sex with someone and if you don’t trust him 100 percent, tell him, straight up, that he can forget it.

If all a guy can talk about is sex, he isn’t a nice guy. How boring to be with a guy who only thinks and talks about one single thing! You are not trash, so don’t let a guy make you feel like it. If guys aren’t calling you back when they find out you won’t sleep with them, they really aren’t worth your time.

Do you really want to be with a guy who’s interested in you just for your body? There’s so much more to you. Wait for a guy who appreciates all of you and promise, he’ll make all those other boys magically disappear.

take care,

Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Virginity
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