on masturbating: answers from an expert

Masturbation might be one of the most misunderstood sex acts. It has been equated with everything from perversion to mental retardation.

The idea that girls even masturbate can cause a bit of confusion. People wonder: What would they do? Isn’t that just a guy thing? Do girls really get horny?

One person who isn’t confused is my friend Jamye Waxman, the author of Getting Off, a book on women and masturbation. She shared some thoughts on why so many people think female genitals are dirty and how double standards affect us all.

           

Q: Though a lot of girls masturbate, not many talk about it. Why do you think this is?

A: Masturbation is still thought of as taboo in a lot of ways. I think girls who touch themselves think they’re doing something wrong, or even that something is wrong with them. We grow up in a culture that’s very couples-dependent and a lot of girls believe if they touch themselves, they’re ruining themselves for other experiences with a partner, either now or later on.

Also, our genitals are often thought of as "dirty." Well-meaning mothers tell us to wash "down there" or sleep without underwear to "air out." That makes some girls think their genitals, and by default, masturbation, is dirty.

It’s just not a subject people are comfortable talking about. But it should be.

Q: Why do you think it is generally considered more acceptable, (even expected) for a teen boy to masturbate than it is for a teen girl?

A: Female sexuality is poorly understood and that can make it more repressed. Because guys have a visible, outward sex organ, the thinking is "of course, they’re going to reach out and grab it." Girls don’t have as easy access. It’s totally bad logic, but I think that’s part of it.

There’s also a double standard. This makes it seem like it’s way more acceptable for a guy to be sexual (remember he’s a stud) than a girl (who’s a slut). That goes not only for partnered sex, but for solo sex, too.

Q: What is the greatest benefit to a teen girl masturbating?

A: There are a lot of great benefits. Girls/women who orgasm know their bodies better and are capable of having more orgasmic, and better, sex down the road.

Masturbation, and orgasms, are great for the skin, they can put you in a good mood, and help you sleep soundly. Masturbation can also relieve menstrual cramps.

Plus, it’s really important for any woman/girl to know her own body, and to be able to make herself feel great.

What do you think about Jayme’s answers? Do you  have any questions you wished I asked her?


Posted in: Ask an Expert, Down There, Health, Sex & Relationships
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  • hilary

    weird question…my boyfriend keeps telling me that i am masturbating in my sleep. if he is telling the truth, i don't even realize i'm doing it. is it possible for a girl to masturbate in her sleep and not even know?? lol.

  • coolgirl

    whats an orgasm?

  • coolgirl

    hey! nevr tried this but if it feelz good ill try it btw i usually touch the flap thingy n rub it hard n imagine my crush is having it wid me!how cool!

  • ConfusedButExperienc

    KK im still a lil confused everyone says when you have reached your climax then you scream…how do i masturbate so thati can reach full pleasure because i can site there for like 10 seconds just rubbing my clit and it feels good but then all of a sudden i feel no pleasure ive tried going longer but it jsut didnt give me full pleasure the only way i feel pleasure is when i go in the tub and turn on the jets but i cant jsut get into a tub everytime i want to fell pleasure…what do i do???
    P:s for everyone who has a jet tub… aim the jets(or if you have a normal tub just use the faucet) so that they aim either for oyour clit or into you vagina (shooting it into your vagina prepares you body with the feeling of something putting pressure in your vagina and can help ready you for sexual intercourse…plus it clean inside)

  • riley

    Masturbation – THE BEST CURE AROUND FOR HEADACHES/MIGRAINES!!! (and it's natural!)
    ;D

  • sex gurl

    i have had sex many times and i like it a lot. i have been masterbating for a long time and i have tried having sex with a girl. i think it was better than sex witha boy because they have the same parts and we (girls) now how to "work" them. all this talk aboyt sex make me want to have it right now. and a good tip for masterbating is to watch sex on youtube or porno and it helps get you in the mood ans "HIT THE SPOT!"
    have fun with sex and hope you explore new things =]

  • most of my frends tink its grows 2 masterbate but i think its a great stress reliver. m bff and my boyfreind have pone sex 3-waying
    phone sex is when ppl moun on the phone wail they fingermasterbate. my boyfreind and i had sex last week and we eat me out. i have reall big boobs and i put his pines bettween my boobs and we also had back door sex
    two good 2 be true
    xxxxx

  • brandii

    Omg

  • Louise.

    I started "masturbating" when I was young (like ten!) but I didn't really know what I was doing then. I felt abnormal, so I stopped for a while, and then when I was about 12/13 I started doing it again.
    My closest friend at the time told me she rubbed herself too, and she was the one that told me what a clit was.
    I started fingering myself when I was about 14. I'm nearly 16 now. I've never orgasmed, but I think I cummed once? is that normal?
    It helps me sleep at night and makes me feel better. I usually tighten my legs at night. But in the bath it's easier to explore new ways. 😉

    • Sara

      Omg me too! Except I'm still 13 XD

  • MadCat

    gurl w/o dildo: Do what young people have done for ages, get an adult to buy one for you.
    Alternatively, there are all manner of reputable on-line merchants without an age restriction in practice.
    Might I also suggest, if that your parents finding it may be a problem, that you get one that doesn't rally look like a dildo, for instance, a weighted kegel exerciser or a lucite one that's not anatomicly correct.

  • gurl

    I'm too young to buy a dildo. What should I do to masturbate?