dear heather,
My boyfriend thinks sex is the most important thing in the relationship, and that it’s a terrible thing that I don’t want it half as much as he does. He gets mad and it causes fights. I’ve tried talking to him about it and it doesn’t help. But we love each other and I don’t want to lose him. He doesn’t want to lose me either, but I don’t know what to do. It seems like nothing’s ever enough, not even just foreplay.

You’re right. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. The most important thing is that you respect each other, and if you don’t want to have sex as often as he does (or at all), then you shouldn’t feel pressured to do it. It’s not something he should get mad at! If anything, it’s something that should make him respect you all the more for!

If he really loves you and doesn’t just love the sex, then he should be cool with what you want. Decide how much you’re comfortable with, and let him know. Relationships are about give-and-take, but when it comes to sex, there should not be a compromise. Ever. It sounds like you already know what you want. And good for you for sticking to your guns.

When you have sex with someone, you must feel safe and trust the person more than anything. Someone who gets mad at you is not the right person. Be strong, gURL, and move on to a guy who won’t make you feel like all you’re good for is sex. The right guy will think the sun shines out of your butt for a bat of your eyelashes.

take care,
heather