dear heather,
The problem is that my boyfriend and I want to have sex, but we can’t because we live too far apart. I don’t want us to break up but I feel that if we don’t have sex now, I will never lose my virginity. I want to lose it so bad that I have tried to run away and find some random guy. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend because I think I love him. What should I do? I’m so confused…

It sounds like you need to take some time to think about what you really want. There are two things at play here: one being that you love your boyfriend and you want to have sex with him, and the other being that you are very anxious to lose your virginity. I think that your anxiety over "losing it" could be stemming from peer pressure or just nerves that you won’t meet someone else if you and your boyfriend break up.

You need to think about the bigger picture. There are tons of guys out there and just because you and your boyfriend are far apart doesn’t mean that you need to quickly lose your virginity to him just to get it over with.

Are you really ready to take this step? Think about how you might feel emotionally if you have sex with a guy you barely know. This is a big moment in your life and it will mean more to you if you share it with someone you truly love. If you think you and your boyfriend will stay together and try having a long distance relationship, maybe you will be ready to take the next step and you won’t feel as much pressure around having sex if it’s with someone you trust, like him. I would suggest not having sex with him if you are going to break up because you might feel more emotionally involved after having sex, and you will feel unfulfilled if you are not together afterwards.

Think it over and make sure you are making a decision for yourself and not just to get the reputation of someone who has lost their virginity.

take care,
heather