am i ready to have sex for the first time?

dear heather,
I’ve been dating this guy for a couple of months now. We’ve gotten very serious. We started to talk about sex and he said he wanted to have sex with me. I’m still a virgin but he isn’t. I wanna lose my virginity to him but I’m not sure. How will I know when I’m ready to have sex? By the way, I feel ready now but I’m scared because I heard it hurts and I will cry and bleed while having sex.
Having sex for the first time can be a big deal. You don’t want to rush into it just because he is ready and wants to. If it’s not something you can see yourself doing and enjoying, you probably are not ready just yet. That doesn’t mean you won’t be ready soon, it just means that there are things about your relationship and about you personally that are giving you reasons to hold back. You should explore some of those emotions.

First off, is he putting pressure on you to say yes to having sex? If so, you are probably feeling like he’s backing you into a corner and you have no way out. If he’s giving you an ultimatum, like "I think we should break up if we don’t start having sex," or "You don’t really love me if you won’t have sex with me," things are probably not right between you and it’s a sign that he doesn’t understand how you’re feeling. You wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who just doesn’t get you, right?

As for all the scary parts about having sex for the first time, like it hurting and causing you to bleed, those things can make you nervous, but they aren’t really a big deal. You won’t bleed very much, probably just a spot, if anything. And it might hurt the first time, but it will hurt less if you are relaxed and comfortable with the person you are with. If it’s too stressful and your muscles are tight, it will be uncomfortable and hurt more. If you feel like your boyfriend will be grossed out by the blood or not understanding of your feelings during your first time, you probably aren’t ready to go through with it. You shouldn’t push yourself.

Don’t let him dictate this big step in your relationship. If you don’t want to do it right now, he should understand that if he really likes you. If he’s pushy and frustrated, maybe there are other issues between you two.

Think about it.

take care,

Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Virginity
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  • cutebabyblueeyes

    Only you will know if you are ready or not. Is there a way of knowing you are ready? There isnt. People will try and brainwash you into believing that you must me mentally and emotionally mature. How do you know you are mentally and emotionally mature? Does being a certain age define that? NO NO NO. There is no way to know. There is no science to define the right time. Sexual feelings develop when we are emotionally close. Having sex is a way of deriving that ultimate closeness that we yearn for when emotionally involved. There are feelings that become stronger when we have been intimate and with it comes a stronger bond. There is also a fear of an emotional void and a feeling of being cheated if the relationship breaks down and hence that reluctance to “lose your virginity” There is a tendency, on the part of the girl, to “expect” that the relationship will last forever with the guy after she loses her virginity to the guy . When those expectations fail, despondency ensues and the blame game commences, preoccupations of guilt set in, feelings of worthlessness abound and so many other things. Had it not been for such deep strong emotional feelings that are a consequence, I guess there would be no problems with having sex or loss of ones virginity.
    As far as I am concerned, this is one of the biggest reasons why girls are so afraid to lose their virginity. Those feelings make you feel like crap, once you have lost you virginity and have given away that ” so called valuable gift,” and the relationship doesnt feel the same or it doesnt work out.
    If you are prepared to deal with those issues then go for it. Sex is fun, an awesome feeling, a powerful form of silent communication, and experiencing an orgasm or multiple orgasms is..OMFG!!!.. a great experience.
    It should NOT hurt if you are sexually very aroused and have a lot of foreplay and you use Lube when he penetrates you. Just make sure you are having an orgasm even before he starts penetrating you. The feeling is just sensational and totally mind blowing.
    Does age matter? I dont think so.I lost mine when I was in grade 7. I had gone to my grandmas farm and the neighbour’s son was a real cute guy. I lied about my We went down to the creek which was a long way from the farm house and we started talking about sex and making out. After he took my clothes off, he was like.. are you sure you are not younger. It was obvious to him, when he was going down on me, that I was young. I lost my virginity that day and we continued to do it a lot during my stay there.
    I do keep in touch with him. He is South America sudying agriculture. Its been over a year now and I wish he would come back this year. He will complete his studies this year.
    So to answer your question.. is there a right time? No there isnt.