i have a wicked stepmother

dear heather,

My parents have been divorced since I was two (now 14) and my parents have both been remarried since then and also divorced. My dad just got remarried to his new wife (the wicked witch of the west.) I can’t stand this woman. She is terrible. She has turned my dad against me and made him not want anything to do with me. I love my dad but I have gotten to where I can’t stand him anymore. It really kills me to know that my dad has turned his back on me for a woman that he just met. How could he be with somebody that doesn’t want him to have anything to do with his own kid? What should I do?

Getting used to a new step-parent can be a lifelong adjustment so it’s not surprising that you are having these feelings so early on in your dad’s relationship. What is surprising is that your dad has not asked you how you feel about everything and I get the feeling that he is taking her side on a lot of issues. Does he know how you feel? Or are you silently brooding while she barges into your life? You need to muster the courage to have a sit-down chat with your dad about everything that is going on.Some things to discuss with him:

— What are the positive traits that he sees in his new wife? If he can explain them to you, maybe you will see why he fell in love with her in the first place and perhaps you will be more open to their relationship if you know why she makes him happy. Also, if you disagree with the traits he names, he will possibly get the wake-up call that she is not the same person in front of you.

— Why does he always take her side? A father/child relationship should not depend on his love interest at the time. My theory is that he doesn’t realize he’s taking her side and if you let him know that’s how you feel, he will be apologetic.

— Why do things have to change? Explain to him that you were happy with the way things were before but also realize that situations are always changing and like many things in life, this will be an adjustment and a transition for you and your family. On the other hand, your father should be making a sincere effort to ensure that you are happy in your living situation and that he is still the same dad you had before.

Good luck talking to your dad and if he’s unresponsive at first, keep trying. He is your dad, after all. He’s worth the effort.

take care,

Posted in: Family, Help Me Heather