Question: Me and my boyfriend just tried to have sex and we are both virgins. But he couldn’t get it in? How come? I know it might be because we have both never done it before, but how can it be easier? We need help.
Answer: What you are describing is really common. The first time (or ten) that people have sex is rarely the stuff of legend. In fact, for a lot of people, having sex for the first time can be kind of awkward.
Here are some common reasons for your situation:
1. The penis doesn’t usually just slip into the vagina naturally. It often needs to be guided with a hand.
2. If a girl isn’t fully lubricated penetration can be tricky.
3. If a guy is not fully erect, penetration can be tricky.
- If a girl’s hymen is intact, there may be a barrier that prevents the penis from entering easily.
If numbers 1 or 2 are the culprits, you can solve those pretty easily by guiding the penis into the vagina with your hand and using plenty of lube.
Numbers 3 and 4 might take a little more work.
Sex can be really stressful for a guy who feels like he has to perform. As a result he might find it tough to keep it up. Trying to take the pressure off can make him feel like he isn’t failing if he doesn’t stay hard. One way to do that is to take the focus off penetration. Couples need to remember that intercourse isn’t the only important part of sex.
Another culprit can be a condom. Practicing using condoms before having sex, or using a female condom are good ways to deal with the prophylactic-phobic erection.
Lastly, if you think the hymen might be the issue, you can try to stretch it yourself with a finger or a tampon before you have sex. You can do this over a few days. That will help make sex easier and more comfortable.
It often seems like sex should be this magical experience where bodies naturally melt into each other in perfect harmony. Though that usually isn’t the way it goes for most people, with a bit of practice, sex will often become a whole lot better.
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