is it normal to get hot & shakey when my boyfriend and i hook-up?

Question: After my boyfriend and I get intimate (cuddling, kissing, touching) my entire body gets hot, I start to shake and shiver, my heart pounds and my muscles feel like jell-o. I don’t know what it means and why it’s happening. Is that normal or is something wrong with me?

Answer: That’s totally normal. In fact, it’s most likely an orgasm. So what’s an orgasm? According to our fast facts:

"An orgasm happens at the height of sexual stimulation and pleasure. Both men and women have orgasms–usually through masturbation or sexual activity with someone else. When you have an orgasm, your genital muscles tense up until there is a sense of fullness in your pelvis. The release that follows is the orgasm: basically a series of involuntary contractions radiating out from the genitals, uterus and anus. For women, the primary pleasure center is the clitoris. But some may also experience orgasms when areas of the vagina are stimulated."

I would also add that while it is less common, some girls even climax from nipple stimulation, kissing or just thinking about something hot. Others have sleep-gasms and climax as they snooze.

For most women orgasms feel really good. But just like getting a mouthful of milk when you were expecting a swig of juice, an orgasm might be really disconcerting if you aren’t prepared for it.

Now that you know what to look for, you can try to figure out if you are indeed climaxing. Of course, if you think there might be something else going on, drop me a comment and we’ll try to get to the bottom of the situation!

Got your own question for me? Send an email to feedback@gurl.com with the subject line: Question: sex ed blog.


Posted in: Ask an Expert, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up
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  • Kit Wonders

    i know exactly what you're talking about- i've also reached orgasms and it's definitely different things. you shake because you're either nervous or excited and are experiencing something new. naturally, cuddling and other intimate practices for a couple who's just joined the dating pool opens the doors to further things in the future- and that excites you unto itself. when i first experienced this, it was right before my first kiss. i was worried about impressing the guy and not messing up- and the pressure made me shaky… it was super embarassing, and he noticed… i actually serfed the web for information on this today because earily in the day i kissed another guy for the first time, and he was super shaky… i thought it was me lol. so i suppose it's natural- and don't be ashamed of it. i was flattered when i realized it was him shaking- like i was surprised i got that effect from him.

  • delilah grace

    omg i do this allll the time. i get really shaky…when i was new the the scene i just blamed it on being cold..lol. i thought something was wrong with me..it would be just when me and my boyfriend were cuddling..never when we were kissing. but i was a HARDCORE shaker lol. some of my boyfriends thought it was hot though so…it all depends 😀

  • delilah grace

    omg i do this allll the time. i get really shaky…when i was new the the scene i just blamed it on being cold..lol. i thought something was wrong with me..it would be just when me and my boyfriend were cuddling..never when we were kissing. but i was a HARDCORE shaker lol. some of my boyfriends thought it was hot though so…it all depends 😀

  • Victoria

    I know I'm having a good time when I get hot and shaky. He's not my boyfriend, but I have a **** buddy, he usually gets more hot and shaky than me. His heart beats so hard you can hear it and feel it. It's kind of sexy but also kind of humorous. Sex is such a passionate experience

  • adanarama

    I've gotten shaky when I kiss my guy, but that's not an orgasm, just the adrenalin and hormonal impulses brought on by the moment.

  • Crazy Kitty

    What this person is describing is probably on the lines of an orgasm but I’m not entirely sure. But I think it is normal to shake the first time, adrenaline,stress and excitement mixed into one is a rather shaky experience. I know. This happened to me too the other day. My first one too. You’re not alone! I cried afterwards though, my boy friend freaked. Note to self, never cry in front of him! XD
    But really, it scared me at first, hence why I cried and other reasons besides that but that’s not the point. I think it’s normal. But that’s just me =D I hope this helps! XD

  • Crazy Kitty

    What this person is describing is probably on the lines of an orgasm but I'm not entirely sure. But I think it is normal to shake the first time, adrenaline,stress and excitement mixed into one is a rather shaky experience. I know. This happened to me too the other day. My first one too. You're not alone! I cried afterwards though, my boy friend freaked. Note to self, never cry in front of him! XD
    But really, it scared me at first, hence why I cried and other reasons besides that but that's not the point. I think it's normal. But that's just me =D I hope this helps! XD

  • Crazy Kitty

    What this person is describing is probably on the lines of an orgasm but I’m not entirely sure. But I think it is normal to shake the first time, adrenaline,stress and excitement mixed into one is a rather shaky experience. I know. This happened to me too the other day. My first one too. You’re not alone! I cried afterwards though, my boy friend freaked. Note to self, never cry in front of him! XD
    But really, it scared me at first, hence why I cried and other reasons besides that but that’s not the point. I think it’s normal. But that’s just me =D I hope this helps! XD

  • Janine

    I would agree that does not sound like an orgasm, it sounds like a state of arousal, or butterflies with a new partner. I find it weird that the person giving advice interpreted it that way.

  • jillian

    lol, please. it does not "mean" love. the arousal pattern and love do not equate to the same thing.

  • Date

    Uhm…what she has described is NOT an orgasm! She is describing arousal! Please stop misinforming yet another generation of young girls about sex! I would encourage you, whoever you are, to read as much as you can about female sexual pleasure and learn to pleasure yourself so you can teach, yes I said teach, when necessary, your intimate partner how to please you sexually. If you don't know how your pleasure center works, it's not realistic to expect your partner to know.

  • Lala

    It's differnt for everyone. So yeah get over it.

  • Cesily

    well i can relate. I did the same thing when me and my boyfriend hooked up for the first time. He was actuall scared because he thought something was wrong. I thought of it as excitment. i was excited and kind of scared too because we were making a step we didnt before. but it will go away wti ha little comfert. its ok. it means love.

  • me

    ok that is definately NOT an orgasm

  • Anna

    Umm….I don't think what she's describing sounds like an orgasm at all. I think it's just a case of being aroused and full of adrenaline.

  • crazy witch

    For me, an orgasm was explained like a sneeze, it's there and gone suddenly, and you feel really good and tired afterward. Later, when I discovered it for myself, it was similar to that, if a little painful. But, personally, if you have an orgasm, you know it. 😉