Question: I recently became sexually active with my boyfriend. When we first had sex, it didn’t hurt, bleed or really feel like anything. To this day, I still don’t feel much stimulation at all. I am worried that I am one of those women who won’t feel anything from sex. What’s wrong with me?
Answer: Probably nothing! What’s most likely is that you just aren’t having the kind of sexual experience that is right for you. Sex is about a lot more than just inserting part A into slot B and waiting for fireworks. But a lot of us have a pretty skewed idea of what sex is supposed to look like. We can blame it on porn, Hollywood romances, or misleading magazine articles. Whatever the cause, sometimes we forget about things like foreplay, the clitoris, and that (as sex educators love to point out), our biggest sex organ lies between our ears and not between our legs.
You should also know that you aren’t alone. In fact, one in three women doesn’t have orgasms during sex with a partner! Partly, this is because the clitoris–which is the most sensitive part of a woman’s genitals–isn’t always stimulated during vaginal sex. But touching this part of the body, either with hands, a sex toy or through oral sex, is actually what helps most women have orgasms. You can do this instead of vaginal sex or before, during or after penetration.
Here are a few other things you can try:
A common reason that people have unsatisfying sex is that they don’t speak up. It can seem really embarrassing to say (in your own words, of course), "Um, this whole penis/vagina thing isn’t totally doing it for me. How about a little more clit action?" But often, that’s all it takes to make your experience way more enjoyable.
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