i’m 14 and i want to have a baby

dear heather,

I’m 14 years old and I desperately want to have a baby. My boyfriend feels the same way but we want to learn all the facts before I get pregnant. Can having a baby at my age damage my body? What else should I take into consideration?

You are very smart to get as much information on the topic as you can before deciding to get pregnant. Before deciding whether to have a baby, it’s always a good idea to talk to a physician or gynecologist/obstetrician about pregnancy in general and about the specific issues you as an individual might face, considering your physical condition.According to Dr. Karen Rosewater, M.D., there are certain physical risks associated with having a pregnancy at a younger age, including an increased likelihood of having a low-birth weight or premature baby, which also have a greater chance of being born with birth defects.

There are risks to young moms, too. Increased pressure on the spine and pelvic bones in a mother whose bones are still growing may cause lifelong problems. Perhaps the most severe impact on your life would be emotional, social, and educational. Having a baby is a life-changing responsibility that may prevent you from finishing your education, restrict your job opportunities, and limit your contact with friends and family members.

A great deal of support is needed to deal with a newborn, so consider what kind of support you would have among family and friends. Would the father help out? These are important things to think about before plunging into parenthood.

Your teen years are important for your own personal growth and development and looking after the growth and development of another human being can be really stressful. Many teens aren’t emotionally equipped to deal with a baby.

It might help to examine why you want to have a baby so badly. Some people just want to have someone who will love them back. If you feel like this is the case, it might be better to find a way to get what you need in other ways, rather than relying on an option that may be more difficult than you imagine it to be.

take care,
heather


Posted in: Everything Else, Help Me Heather
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  • Yvonne

    Don’t get pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Having a baby can wait when you’re 14 but once you have a baby, you can’t change your mind!

  • lynn

    im 14 as well and yes i do wanna do the same i may already be pregnanti had sex 3 months ago tryin to make a baby, i have no suport for it i on my own i understand y u gurls wana have a baby so bad and im having the same craving it may be r hormones talkin but hey we cnt help wat we feel,but im say this onne time u dont need any suport to have a baby as long as ur there for it,u guy sayin u and ur boyfran want one will change wat happend to me will happen eventrauly to u most of the time,so dont rely on any guy to help u if he really actully wantin to and shows u and keeps it up then consider it and yes ik wat i did was wrong it just wantd to have a baby so bad so i gave it my best shot i knew the guy wud leave me but oh well i hope that helps u guys a lil bit:)

  • Kat

    Hey! I'm only 12 but I feel like I kind of understand your situation. I think it's really sweet that you want to have a baby but the affects on your body and the baby's might just be too much. I'm sorry; I know this is what everyone has said pretty much but I think you should hear it again. I would suggest if you think you can support a child to just wait until you're finished growing. Good Luck Girl!!! 🙂

  • stephanie

    hey sweetie,

    im stephanie, im am 21 years old and a mother of 2 young girls! i was just like you when i was 14, i dreamt about havin a baby, someone to care for and love, watch grow and i got my wish when i was 17 i choose to have my daughter. i never got to go back to school i had to settle for a GED even though her dad is in her life i still had to settle for less then i dersrved. maleah takes so much, i mean think why would you wanna give up you life right now i wished i could go out and hang with my friends and party and i cant now i couldnt then after you have a baby your life will change a lot im not saying having a desire to be a mother is wrong or bad but please hun dont give up your childhood i had a choice and i decided to have a child i get 242 a month in childsupport i have no job im in school part time and i have a second child to think about. my girls are my world but dont give up what you deserve right now at least wait till youve got to grow up and live as a teenager its a lot harder then youd think. my youngerst daughter kaleigh was born early 6 wks to be exact, she weighed 3pds 1 oz and was in the icu for a month befor she come home think about this now i had a perfectly fine pregnancy with maleah and all of a sudden i had pre eclampsia, IUGR, she quit growing at 29 wks how could you handle a preemie the have lung problems heart problems growth problems are you readdy for this yet? please just wait your to young to give up your life now have fun and then have kids i didnt and i wished i had. if you need to talk hit me up im always around. stephanie.fowler69@yahoo.com

  • jessica

    Shes 14, i'm 14,

    i know how she feels, i've looked up everything, i have enough money, support… and a wonderful loving boyfriend, both have jobs, and i can keep the job that ihave since i work from home, i've baby sat for weeks. i've taken in a 3 month baby, because his father went to jail for two years,and i realised that kids arent so bad..i paid for him, i looked after him, my parents had nothing to do with it, because i don't speak to them.

    it does do your body damage, so if you want to keep your body as it is, i sugguest not having one, unless you know what your dealing with. if you need to talk hell_kiser@hotmail.com.

  • bianca romero

    Sweetie, dont do that mistake! i have been learning topics learning about teen pregnancy and u shud learn about that too. having a kid at ur age wont help u succeed in the future. you wont be able to finish school or be able to chill with your friends and having a kid is a huge hole between parenthood and your teen life. you should make a very good decision because my friend got pregnant and she never wanted to get pregnant and now she is like 21 and still didnt finish school because she had to take care of her kid. also imagine you, a 14 year old trying to buy diapers in rite aid, but thats all ur gonna talk about…" where can i buy diapers and clothes for the baby?" you shud ask ur parents how hard it is to raise a baby. but dont make that mistake. and also dont just have a baby because other young kids have one, doesnt mean u shud get one. dont get one and try to think u r going to appear on tv, struggling with a kid. TAKE MY ADVICE GIRLY AND IT WILL HELP U DECIDE WHAT UR FUTURE WILL BE PLANNED!!!!!!!!

  • Dede

    Sweet heart u don wanna be a 'teen mom' it is VERY hard and most likely the guy it happens with will NOT stay with you, you wont have an education I have barely been able to do school since mine was born and hes 18 months now, I was 14 and actually I didnt even choose to have sex I was raped but thats beside the point, but anyways and the price is OUTRAGES hes about potty trained now but every month I was buying 4-5 boxes of diapers and @ $25 it adds up then theres clothes, and shoes, and doctor visits, food and I do not have any friends not even 1 nobody usually accepts your decision to have a baby if u and you bf want to have a baby now then im sure u will be able to wait 5 yrs to have 1 when u have a job, housing, money, a car, an education etc. Just plz take the advice and wait, it will be a WHOLE lot easier/better u prolly wouldnt get very far in life if u have 1 now, for a better life for u and your baby WAIT!

    Hope it helps! -Dede-

  • Bianca

    You don't wanna have a baby now wait a while trust me it's very hard. I was a teen mom it wasn't planned at all but I don't believe in abortions. I also kept him because I was scared and knew little about abortion the little I knew about it was that its really bad it hurts and has so many side affects ( so much for listening to people who don't even know anything really themselves). I was 15, now i am 19 and my son is 3 years old. It's not easy being a teen mom girl. You can't get a good paying job to provide for you and the baby. You have to sacrifice so much. I love my son so much but if I could go back in time I honest wouldn't have had him. I just recently stop crying myself to sleep. Once again it's very hard with or without help and support. You and your boyfriend are way to young, and god forbid after you have the baby your boyfriend might get sick of things and realize how hard this is going to be on him as well. Just know you can't leave but they guy most of time always does.

  • Esme

    Please don't get pregnant your to young isn't it illegal or something i dunno but just don't your boyfriend might not be the guy for you and you have your whole life ahead of you, you don't want to be pregnent while still in school it just doesn't seem right.

  • gabby

    How can you girls even think about having a baby? I don't want to judge but you're not mentally or physically mature to take care of a baby. At 14 your still a kid and you wouldn't even be the one raising your baby it would be your parents. Isn't that a bit selfish? Your parents would not only be supporting your baby financially but also supporting you and that's not fair. Not to mention that it would be selfish to bring a baby into this world without giving him/her everything that they deserve because chances are your going to be in a financial strain. It's just ridiculous. Who puts these ideas in your head?!

  • RuthSama

    Please don't get pregnant! I'm 14 too and I can't imagine having a baby at this age, or even wanting one for that matter! I think you should definitely wait for a while, at least until you're done with college, have a job, and have a steady boyfriend. Plus, I think your family would feel the same way. I don't think you're ready, at 14, to have a baby. Please, please, please think about your health and your future!

  • Chloe

    To be honest i can't say thats a stupid decision or anything because i am currently 16 and 30wks pregnant and i don't regret anything but it has become very hard, i am single and still at school, family has quite a bit of money so thats alrite but being young i have suffered so much pain … i can say though do your research, find out what you really want and make sure you are with the right person… talk to people and make sure your parents will be fine with you 🙂 x

  • Moxxie

    Mm.. I am having the same issue, but without the boyfriend wanting it too.. I don't really have a steady boyfriend since the last time I was in a relationship. My sister was a teen mom, so I know it would be stupid until I'm a little older.. But I still really want one. But honestly, You're better off waiting, It'll all be easier and better to wait. I know how sucky that sounds but it is true.