i have feelings for my cousin

dear heather,

I’ve started to have feelings for my cousin and I can’t help it. We both fell for each other ages ago and we kissed, but then my mom foundout and yelled at me. I just can’t get over it and I love him so much more than a cousin. What should I do?

Your mother’s reaction mirrors the taboo that our culture places on such scenarios. For many, there is a big “ick-factor” associated with two cousins being more than friendly–a reaction that may partly be evolutionary (people with similar genetic makeup are more likely to pass on diseases that run in the family).It can be really hard to be attracted to someone knowing that the relationship is frowned upon, but there are quite a few cousins who have gotten involved and have gone on to have happy relationships. Granted, they are usually in situations in which the families are okay with it.

Your mother is clearly against you being intimate with your cousin, which would make it very difficult for you if you decide to pursue something with him. Other members of your family may give you a hard time, too.

You might want to give the situation some time to cool down. It could be harder if you two spend a lot of time together. Go out and meet people. Eventually, you may find that you outgrow the attraction to your cousin (or at least channel it in a different way).

If you continue to feel this deep attraction to each other, you can always decide a few years from now–perhaps when you are on your own–whether the relationship is worth it.

If things get serious between you, there are genetic tests that can determine whether it’s likely that you will pass on an abnormality to your children.

take care,

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  • luvli

    omg have similar problem. how do i tell him?