dear heather,
I had a boyfriend who I loved with all of my heart and he felt the same for me. Sadly though, he passed away a few months ago. It’s just so hard; I can’t do a lot, since anything I do reminds me of him.

I pray every night that we will meet in heaven and start our life together then. I just can’t keep moving on like this and honestly, sometimes I wish something would happen so that I could be taken to heaven as well. I know I shouldn’t think like that but it doesn’t stop.

I need him so badly and I just don’t know what I should do to continue on with my life.

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your boyfriend. It must be a terrible time for you. Death is not an easy thing to face. It seems particularly shocking when someone dies young. We just don’t expect that. And when it’s someone as close to us as he was to you, it’s even more devastating.

It’s very important for you to know that time heals these wounds. I know it sounds impossible right now, but people have a remarkable ability to accept and adjust to situations–even ones as painful as this. In the meantime, try not to isolate yourself.

Support is key. Talk to your friends, relatives, or even the members of your religious community about what you’re going through, even your thoughts about wanting to join your boyfriend. They must recognize what a difficult time you are going through and I’m sure they want to help.

If you’d prefer to talk with people who can relate to what you’re going through, look for grief support groups in your area. Talk to your school counselor about finding a group or search online for a group. You can also visit the “Dealing with Death” folder on the message boards.

Given the difficulty of the situation, I would also recommend that you seek professional help to get through this. Talk to your school counselor for a referral to a trained mental health care provider or ask your parents to help you find someone who can help you deal with some of the feelings that are surfacing now. Some therapists even specialize in grief counseling. The therapy can be temporary–it depends on what your needs are–but it’s likely to help a whole lot.

take care,
heather